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What should I do if the guy I liked for 6 years changed and ignored me?
Hi Im a teenager from the Philippines and I've liked a boy since we were in elementary school. We've never really talked that much in real life but we used to talk all the time through social media about random things. We both went to different high schools and still talked after that, but one day he started to just see my messages and not reply to them until an hour later. I then knew that he was interested in a classmate of his in his new class and started to ignore me for the next several days. He probably felt nothing for ignoring me but for me it was the most painful thing that he has ever done to me. Until today I've been deep in sadness and he still doesnt chat me. Should I cut ties with him or tell him what I feel?
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The problem is there really wasn't a connection with him beyond social media and no friendship in real world. From his perspective that's how he's viewed you. To him the fact he stops talking to you isn't upsetting him because you really didn't interact in real life. He doesn't see this as going against you and has moved on.
Also, you can't take it personally if someone doesn't message you back immediately or within the timeline you want. There's a lot of things going on in every person's life. Being replied to within an hour is great and shows he cared enough. The issue is that maybe you sent messages too often or even too long or came across as clingy.
He might be into a different classmate and not you because there's a long standing in person connection and attraction. The fact is he probably never knew that you liked him this long and feel bad.
It hurts but it's best to understand that there was not much of a friendship or connection in that time and that he found someone else. Would I cut him out of your life? If I were you I would not. He really hasn't done anything horrendous or directly to you. Having him as a friend is better than an enemy or not.
I would go about your business and be cordial and see what happens as you never know something could develop in future but he may not be in to you in that way. I would leave the messenging alone or refrian from contacting him and let him come to you. Someone who wants to be friends or have that kind of connection will always come back eventually and if you see he isn't it means he's not interested. That's not such a bad thing as it means there's someone else for you out there but he's the wrong guy.
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Jr. High and High School is when people really want a romantic relationship, before that, you are just very interested or just noticing the other sex, or whatever sex we are attracted to. There are two basic relationships that are exactly the same except for one thing, the romance in common, meaning its felt by both. And so, there are friendships and there are friendships with the level of attraction and romance felt on both sides, not just one. I do not mean to walk all over your feelings and make it feel insignificant (not important) but the sooner you understand some basics, you won't have the questions as to what went wrong. Talking to each other is one level of interest and can be experienced both between friends and romantic relationships. From what you said, the most you both did is talk, not face to face but on line. So there is the chance you felt the something more like romance when all he felt is friendship. Your next question might be, How can a person who is your friend, all of a sudden ignore you, stop seeing you? Well other than the obvious of having fought, argued, or one hurt the other, there is one more that all people I know who were my age from teen years through their twenties, and it is forgetting your friends and devoting 100% of your time to your new sweetheart, whomever you are dating or spending time with in person. You did mention knowing he had interest in a classmate in his new class. Perhaps the interest was more than just as friends, but more than friends. Don't think its just guys who do this to girls who are friends. I have heard more often from girls who feel they lost their best friend (a female when that female began dating and especially at this young age when everything you feel is so new and exciting, it is very easy to put all your effort into seeing more of the romantic partner. It isn't even intentional on the part of friends who forget to spend time with friends when dating. All balance is lost. I remember this well because I and friends experienced not seeing a friend for as long as they were dating someone or some time later in their relationship when the excitement of something new has worn off a little and they will fix the imbalance and start spending the same amount of time with friends as with sweetheart or closer to that balance. Now if the two of you had been dating in person and spent much time together as romantic couple, and he stopped seeing you, I would have to say, he lost romantic interest in you and is moving on but that is not the case. When a friendship is almost all on line, in text, in a chat room on computer, all you can fall for is how a person thinks, or maybe their humor which comes through in print but all the rest is missing. So people will tend to make up and imagine all the rest of the relationship automatically in their minds, not on purpose but out of the human need for something more than just words spoken. And we don't even realize we are doing that. I know someone who called it theater of the mind' like watching a play or movie unfold, we imagine what its like to hold hands with, kiss, be hugged be someone. I don't know of many people who have never done this but I know a lot of people who never realize, even as adults that they are still mistaking their imagined parts of the relationship as for real. The sooner you can realize this happens, you can catch yourself doing it. So this now means you have to decide if you can stand being with him just as friends when he gets over the newness of any other girls he dates or if that would be too painful for you to continue being his friend onlY, depending on when if ever he is ready to come back and be your friend. If he is willing to be seen in public with another girl but not you, then he likely isnt as into you as you might think. So I wouldnt determine in my mind to cut him off and tell him I wont be his friend. At the moment he's made that decision for you. But if he comes back and wants to be friends, you need to decide if you are ok with nothing more than friends and if not, only then is there a need to let him know that you began to have stronger feelings for him than just friends so if he doesn't feel the same way, it would be too hard to just be friends from now on. YOu can let him know you aren't mad, just doing what you feel is best for you right now and you wont be associating with him unless something changes for him in the future and he develops feelings for you.
As for the hurt you feel, even though it was in naivety believing there was something that didn't really exist, I know your feelings are real. Its the same as watching a sad movie and you start to cry, even though you know its just actors and a made up story line, what you are seeing, starts a thought process of how you would feel if it happened to you and so you start to cry. I don't know of anyone who doesn't do this. Its our subconscious mind that listens to our thoughts and based on that, produces the emotions we feel, like sadness, anger, love. So if your thoughts all about this young man are mostly situations you have imagined and dreamed of happening in your mind, your subconscious mind will pick up on that and produce the feelings such as the ones you have for him.
Also I have heard many people debate that males are not as much into relationships for the right reasons, for the whole relationship, not just dating, kissing and sex. This seems to be a problem with many younger males such as the age group you are in. I heard some buddies in a you tube video tell the public that they screwed up when younger and hurt many girls feelings before they got serious about wanting one female to be with and raise kids with and that doesn't happen at this age, although the girls already want that meaningful relationship to be in place all the way through college or when both are adults and working and then they think about starting a family.
Another point to remember is that at your age, what is more important than being with one person a long time, is to spend time with and date as many different people as you are initially attracted to because it is important for you in learning what things you do like in a guy and what things you dont and you are old enough to know and figure those out. That list of things is what you will use in the future for finding the right man to date, get engaged and married to. Your list will not contain things your friends or parents feel should be there, this is only what is right for you and that is a very individualized, personal thing and what is right for my friends and family is not right for me, same for you. If you can see dating at this age as an information gathering experience time of your life, you will enjoy it only for what it can give you, because its not meant to be a time where you meet the person you will marry. High school sweethearts do happen but it is so rare that there will be only one such couple in an entire year of graduating seniors if a large group and maybe not at all if a smaller school. SO don't count on that happening. If you have more questions you can write to the groups as a whole or directly to me by finding my column, Dragonflymagic in the search for columnists and then writing to me from my column.
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