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How do I know if he likes me too?
I am a sixteen year old girl in high school and there is a guy I have liked for about two years now. It’s been an on and off thing because we have both dates other people but something always brings me back to my feelings for him. I have never told him that I like him and he has never told me either, but the way we have been acting with each other seems like there’s something going on. But the thing is, I’m not really his usual type so I don’t know. He broke up with his girlfriend a few weeks ago and he wasn’t upset about it plus he wouldn’t tell me the reason. He has been sending small signals but he is a flirty person in general so I don’t know if I am reading into this too far or if it is really happening. How can I find out if he likes me or not without telling him I like him and is it too soon to date him if I find out he does?
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The thing is he's as shy as you are and like you doesn't want to put his neck out there at least not yet. You would be wise to read his signals and feelings that he has for her and she does for him. They need a grace period. If you admitted your feelings now or tried to get him to date you now it's going to at least piss the other girl off and create a potential enemy there and jealousy.
See if they try to patch things up. If you appear to be in the middle of them having a chance to do that guess what? You've got both of them not liking you. Instead I would play the part of a friend and someone who listens and when this whole relationship thing he had settles down mention to him that you want to know how he defines your place in his life? Ask if he's looking to date you or not. It's a direct question and perfectly okay to ask. You need to know where you stand because you're reading signals. If you think it will work go after him.
There's no 100% positive way to know if anyone likes you unless you put yourself out there and tell them that you've noticed signals and if interested you are too. No risk no reward situation. You're also adults so you need to be direct and honest with each other and not fall in to playing a game where nobody knows for sure what they want by waiting. You can get real hurt doing that.
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I can tell you right now that if I had met my now second husband when he was a teen, I would never have liked him. The thing is, he has learned many things along the way, including how to treat a woman and what is important to him in finding the right partner. Most young men do not, not even my husband at that age.
I can think of only one thing you might say but from what you wrote, it doesn't sound like the two of you have spent much time together as best friends, only dating others and being friendly to each other in public, in school but nothing more so than most other students. I could be wrong. What i have to share only works if you both are really close friends because in truth, a romantic relationship cant survive on romance and sex alone, it needs two treating each other as best of friends. So if romance is the only thing that makes a friendship more than friends, then this question will work. You ask, Hey, since we have been doing really well as close friends for so long, I just wondered how well we'd do together as more than friends. What do you think?
It is important to ask what he thinks because you want to hear his answer and for him to really give some thought to what you just said. If You say you already have feelings, he won't feel free to tell you the truth, especially if he doesn't have the feelings needed to be more than friends. Put yourself in the guys place. Imagine a guy who creeps you out, whom you have no feelings for and are only nice to as another student at school and one day he comes to you and says he really likes you, is attracted to you and wants to date you. Would you feel trapped to answer him. If you felt in love with him, it would be easy to answer but in this case, you'd have to say no to his face and wonder how he's gonna take that revelation. If he doesnt take no for an answer and asks why, you'd have to tell him you dont feel about him that way which is the truth. Generally guys can understand that it won't work if the chemistry is missing. After a divorce, I met plenty of guys but if I didn't feel chemistry, no matter how nice they were, I told them i didnt feel chemistry. No one enjoys being with someone who is like a friend, a good person but there is no spark to be even interested in their kiss. If you ask this way, you can find out how he feels for sure because if he doesn't have any feelings no matter that he flirts, he will be quick to tell you that an experiment like that wouldnt work because he already knows he isn't interested in you that way. You can't look disappointed or cry. This is the very thing guys want to avoid is what they consider the emotional theatrics from a female. In some cases, it scares them to death. If he is interested but afraid to ask for same reason you are, he will be quick to agree that yes you both should try that. This way he doesn't have to say he likes or loves you but show you through his actions and how he treats you. This is important to learn by the way that actions speak louder than words. Many women have complained of guys who said I love you but treated them terribly at the same time, not even as nice as they would treat a friend or coworker. I had that in my first marriage, so I learned words are cheap, but actions speak.
As for flirting, sometimes it does mean the person is interested in you. Other times a person does it simply to keep up their skills or get better at fllirting and they will flirt with people who have a partner, or not, married or not, even if they are not serious about the other person. So why do it? My only guess from experiencing it is that flirting feels good, even if you aren't that seriously into the person you flirted with. So don't count on his flirting to know anything for sure.
That probably answers the questions you asked but there is so much more I could share around this subject. If interested, read on:
SO when you say you aren't his usual type, do you mean in looks or personality or both? You don't have to answer me, just know for sure for yourself. In most cases, it is more likely limited to only what you can witness and see at school. Unfortunately true, is that most people have no idea what they want in a date or a long term partner because they only look skin deep. That means who you are inside is not as important. Guys are visual creatures when it comes to females and sexuality. So if they see someone who really appeals to them visually, they are interested but only in how they look, and they may be appealing enough for sex but not for a real loving relationship Sometimes a guy wants more than being with a girl he thinks is gorgeous, like a model. But keep in mind, there is a wide variety of what kind of looks appeal to a male and as they get older, like into ones thirties, do they get serious about what they like about the character of a female on the inside and also what appeals to them on the outside. For example, I have heard of guys who prefer the natural looking female without fancy hair and makeup. I know of many males who are disgusted with and turned off by what they call big fat fuzzy caterpillers above the girls eyes. They refer to brows made to look larger and darker than normal. One college guy lamented that ALL the gals he'd met looked like this and he hated it. I can tell you truthfully that men are more attracted to confidence in a woman than the looks.This was determined in a study done by a college where people were told that the right people for this study could earn money and they assumed they would be called into a private interview from a waiting room but the waiting room was the actual test. Men of different types were in the same room with females of two types, the gorgeous model types and the plain average but pretty in their own right females. Initially, men were attracted to the prettier girls. But the girls were uneducated, dumb, drama queens and insecure once they opened their mouths and the men drifted over to talk to the other females who they found had some depth to them, could converse on any subject, weren't boring or all into themselves, and were confident above all, wearing confidence in a way that told the men she didn't need their attention to feel good about herself. A man eventually learns that in the long run, to be with the sane female the rest of his life, he knows the beauty will eventually fade on the outside with the passage of time but the beauty of who she is on the inside will only get better and better with time. So only the smart men who have figure this out will really score well in a good relationship. At your age, guys are far from realizing this yet. It truly has to do with both your looks and personality but personality and confidence are what attract males. The only males who wont like confidence is the ones who have something major wrong in their thinking and their personalities. After a divorce, I got picky in screening guys and I did this over internet dating sites to cut down on hunting for the needle in the haystack so to speak. I didn't wait for guys to write me but I initiated also. I had a list of criteria they had to be able to meet to even write me. Many wrote angry that I was too picky. All these males wanted was for me to lower my standards. So whatever happens, if you start dating and a guy wants you to lower your high but 'important to a healthy relationship' standards so they can be considered... it is best to avoid them or break up with them. Also going on a few dates without both declaring to each other that they are only going to see each other and be each others gf/bf, doesnt mean there was any commitment so it isn't the break of a relationship but giving up on this one person as being able to fit want you need and want. Hope this all helps.
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