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Question about my mom.
Okay, so my mom blames me for every mess she finds in the kitchen whether I was in the kitchen that day or not she still blames it on me. Today she started bitching at me because the freezer was dirty (apparently from a mess I made)Even though I haven't opened the freezer in days and we've had people in an out of this house for two weeks. I'm just sick of hearing how every mess she finds is my fault. And when I try to tell her it isn't me she doesn't listen. Sometimes I just go along with it and accept responsibility even though I know it wasn't me because that's easier than trying to convince her otherwise. So how can I get her to stop blaming me for every mess she finds?
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This isn't about a dirty fridge or sink. Do you have a habit of lying to her about anything or often? That may be why she's irritated at you and making something out of nothing that is unrelated. If there is an issue there you need to talk it out. If that isn't the problem all you can do is what you have done already in telling her it's not your mess. I would try and prove to her who did it so she will know. Believe me your issue isn't about a freezer or mess in a sink it's about a lack of trust. You need to figure out where it stems from and work this issue out with her.
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I wonder who lives in this house besides you and Mom. I wonder how many people for whom this is not their legal address, actually hang out at your house enough to be considered living there, or how many outside the family are welcomed to come hang out there for as long as they like. Because if there are people other than you two, there is either the problem of MOm not being able to realize another adult may have made a mess or she has but a mental quirk people have is when they have a fault, but dont want others to know it, they will point the finger at someone else and claim they are at fault all the time. It was one of my ex's mental health issues he was not willing to go see a Dr for or the many other issues he had. So I recognize something off here. I'll bet if you worked to hard to make the kitchen spotless, over the top clean, that it still wouldn't be good enough for Mom. The more I tried to make him proud, the worse he treated me. IT really wasn't anything I did but I was the closest family he could dump on, all his inner frustrations with himself, his imperfections and whatever other inner demons were mentally messing with him. People like that who don't go for professional help, and no one can force them to go, are more likely to build up pressure like a pressure cooker and like a pressure cooker have a need to constantly release steam and so they do. However there is something of self preservation in them, wanting to stay the same, not get help, and not have other adults realize they have issues, so they keep down the pressure and dont release it until they are home and can dump it on some family member. So even if there are siblings and Mom has a husband at home, someone needing to constantly vent are only going to pick on the ones they feel they can hurt the easiest, usualling the more gentle, quiet loving and caring people. Those who are tougher, would be too much a challenge. So why would Mom pick on you or anyone in the first place? She really may not realize she's doing this as it may be her subconscious mind wanting someone else to be as unhappy, miserable with life, etc as she feels so she takes it that step further to find someone who is the easiest to dump on. You are in a bad situation because when you fight back and stand up for yourself, its like adding fuel to the fire inside that person and they really blow up then. I know from experience how that is. Basically I was verbally abused all my marriage, by my husband until I realized God gave each of us a free will and God was not going to heal my marriage as the church said, by forcing him to magically become a sweet husband with the flick of a magic want or Gods spoken word. That would take away the choice each human has, the choice of how to act and treat others. God told me this, whether you believe in a God or not, its my story, not for you to believe. Just what I went through so I can understand a bit what its like. Although in my case I was an adult and could choose to leave him and get a divorce wheres a minor child is stuck at home until they become adult and can leave. Even if an adult child still living at home, some parents cant transition from parenting a minor to being the parent of an adult so they still try to treat you as if you were 10 years old.
If you have a Dad, talk to him about it. Talk to other adults like aunts or uncles, grandparents because they may be on your side and not believe you are making the messes. If you find someone who is on your side, this person might be someone to speak to your Mom on your behalf because a parent doesn't like being corrected by a child or told they were wrong or made a bad decision. Its hard for any parent for be vulnerable like that with a child but it is important. If you can't hang on until you find your own place and are old enough to do so, perhaps there is other family you can get permission to live with.
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