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Female bully
I am a 17 year old boy. In school I used to like a girl. But she didn't reciprocate the same feelings for me. And strangely I was okay with it. I was confused as I was going through a bad phase. Also I saw her as my motivation. When College started (We both were in same college) I didn't want to lose her. So I made attempts to stay by her but no use. I eventually gave up and moved on When my friend came from abroad (he and she are best friends) my best friend called me and my friend (who is also my neighbour and we all were in same school) she taunted and teased me. I discussed this with my friend and he said that she is socially powerful and she has contacts. He said the only way to settle this is to patch up with her and be friends. Now she has a bad image of me in her eyes. What should I do. Should I patch up or leave??
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The description you got of bullies from solid advice is true. Pesonally in life, I found that when I reacted hurt or retreated further or tried to speak up for myself, a bully considers that the pay off for acting as they do. And they do it because as said before, they are insecure. I wouldnt want to date a person like that nor can such a person be a very close and best friend. But they can go from bully to a casual friend you see sometimes.
Its up to you which you wish to try, telling her what she says and does is hurtful and to please stop or choose a different tactic. Telling her to stop is admitting that she hit a nerve. She's unhappy for some reason and is in a mode of self dispisement, maybe little or no confidence and so on. And she knows what it feels like to be picked on so she will only be encouraged to do more like she does. I was shy and introverted as a child and teen and I made an easy target because those who are hurting won't pick out an outgoing confident person because the person would be too much of a challenge. So I would like to suggest what I have learned to do in these cases. Learn to become confident ( if you aren't, let me know and I have a simple exercise for you to try that worked for me). I'll pick an easy one. I was teased for wearing glasses, and I didn't respond at all, just turned and went another way. that was like them winning so they kept it up. Then the bullying began, all sorts of degrading things said, shoved, pushed and a line of their friends with them locking arms so I could go down a hallway in HS to get to my class, etc. I learned after I graduated what to do and it worked. I learned to use humor because it makes you sound more confident, not responding in a sad or angry way or with no expression at all. All those never worked. Humor brings people together when they can laugh at things they all have dealt with. So in answer to being called 4 eyes, I would reply, heck 4 is too low a number because I have so many eyes, I look like a potato. I call my skin tags my other eyes you see. So if you like, call me potato, as that fits better. And no one wanted to call me potato because it wasn't their idea and the fact that I laughed when they did something like that made me not fun as a target of theirs anymore. They found the pay off was not going to happen with me. So If you want to try my way of dealing with this, I suggest you find ways to adapt humor into your responses. They may tease for a while but it drops off pretty soon because its no fun to try and bully a person who is more secure and confident than them. If by chance you do want to work on self confidence, do a search for dragonlfymagic and write to me from my column as its the only way I can respond further to you. I cna't respond where you leave a rating.
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I'm not so sure she does have a bad view of you. This could be a situation where she thinks she knows you and is just pardon the term busting your balls like guy friends do. She may have zero malice behind it. Ultimately what she thinks doesn't matter as long as you think well of yourself.
She's not powerful socially or otherwise even if she thinks of herself pretty highly. Odds are she's more insecure than she would want anyone believing. What do you do? Be cordial. Be nice and polite enough when you see her but don't give her anything more than that. You don't have to like and or fear her nor patch up anything if you don't see the point in doing it.
If she makes fun of you again say "Your remarks are very hurtful whether you mean they to be or not." The add "I wouldn't do that to you or anyone else"
People who bully are often worse off than their chosen target emotionally and mentally and project their dislike of themselves or jealousy onto another person to supposedly feel good about themselves and a sense of power. A bully almost always wants something from the victim or is jealous of something they have or the attention they receive from others.
A lot of times they come from broken homes or abuse. If you show you're not scared and she can't get away with anything she'll move on eventually.
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