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How do I move on from this regret?
I am a 17 year old guy from India. In 12 years of my schooling, I didn't get to make a lot of friends although I had an opportunity. But still at that time I was going through a really tough time and I lost that opportunity. In my junior college I decided not to repeat the same mistake but still I have a bad luck. Due to my strict timetable and other classes I couldn't make friends there too (Although I did make some). But the friends which I made are not that close to me. Like we hang out but not that often. Besides it was a posh college and I lost the opportunity again. And the worst part is that I won't get admission in that college again due to low marks. This whole fact about almost no friends makes me regret and haunt me till today. How do I move on from this regret? I need your advice.
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What stuck out in your explanation is 'my strict timetable'. You know what it means to you but I can only guess since you feel this affects the ability to make friends and have time for friends. To me, it sounds like you spend your time from the moment you wake until you go to bed in studying a lot and going to classes. That would mean there is no down time, away from studies to do even some of the basics of find time to eat, do your laundry/clothes, time to relax and do nothing or follow a hobby. What this means is that deep down you may be afraid of failing. It could also be that with the low marks you got before that you are doing everything to make sure you dont fail this time. I can understand that but the way you stated it, sounds like you've lost having a balance in your play. There is a saying in American I've heard that sounds like this situation.
"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" is a proverb. It means that without time off from work, a person becomes both bored and boring.
For you it is your studies that is your work. If you live and breathe and talk school all the time, no one is going to be drawn to you to want to find out if perhaps you could be friends.
What you have right now is classmates you know who may have been friendly towards you but that does not make them your friends. The word for it is acquaintance which means someone whom you are casually familiar with, but not close enough to be friends. I may be totally wrong, let me know if thats true as I truly wish to help.But with only what you wrote, even in the 12 school levels before, you didn't make a lot of friends. So either it is something like being shy, quiet, withdrawn, an introvert or maybe like I used to be in school, having social anxiety which meant I was afraid to be seen and heard and interact with people other than my own family and siblings. This is not normal but it can be overcome. If you are too scared or don't know how to be friends, let me know and I will try to give you some ideas to work on to begin making friends.
However your strict, tight schedule with no room to see other people and make friends, could mean you are more of a work a holic, which in America means you have no life other than work, you get personable pleasure from spending ALL your time working. You'll work if sick, you'll work if tired, you'll work instead of visiting family or calling them, work is your first choice. If this is true, better learn balance now because no woman wants to ever marry a man who is a work a holic because he would devote not part of his day but all of his day to work and not have time for the relationshiop with his wife. I have known people like this and they end up divorced because the man did not change. The ;a holic' part of work a holic means it is an addiction, like being addicts to alcohol, drugs, gambling. And a person can be addicted to work. So there is no moving on other than changing yourself or staying the same and never having time for friends. YOu say it is a regret. When one feels regret, it usually mean they believe it is too late to change anything. It is not too late, in fact, at your age, it is the perfect time since you are older and more mature and have experienced enough in your life to know you don't want it as is right now and you want something different.
If the courses you take and the vocation you seek is a bit over your head and ability to understand, and you don't have a passion for it, perhaps you are taking the wrong direction. You should be able to soak up all the information easily if it is a subject you enjoy and retain all that information. You don't have to read it over and over and try to force the information into your head. It should come automatically to you, the answers, the truths, and then you do what you must to use what you have learned in any ways to can to make that information stay.
I will give an example with a hobby of mine. I like to go on walks in the forest, parks, even empty lots and look for plants I do not know, study them carefully and then refer to a book for my area on identifyling plants in my area, history on each, with photos and information such as if edible, medicinal or poisonous, where else they can grow and so on. I find if I haven't been doing it for a while, I will forget some facts, but not all, recognize a plant for example but forget its name so I can relook it up in the book. So it has to be something I like enough to find time and enjoy the time I spend doing it. It doesnt mean that if I struggle to retain some facts or names that I study the book and go looking for plants from morning until I go to bed. That means I have to time to cook and eat, do my laundry, spend time on Advicenators, and so on. Balance is the key. Make sure your life is balanced or you are workingk towards that. When you are ready in that area, I can give tips on how to be a friend, just make sure you go to my column, dragonflymagic and write directly to me or I won't be able to answet and might not even get it.
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