|
My mother favors my brother
I'm a 17 year old girl, and as long as I can remember my mother has been giving special treatment to my youngest brother. While my sister and my brother and I were disciplined regularly and given chores and strict guidelines, he was allowed to do as he pleased and often received gifts and was allowed to stay up later. Even now that we're all teenagers, he still has no chores, speaks to my mother however he pleases (and often with shocking rudeness that would earn anyone else a slap to the face and a week's grounding), and has no curfew for his electronics while the rest of us have to put away our phones at 6 o clock. Truthfully, I don't know what to do about the situation, if there's anything I even can do. Maybe it has to do with the rest of us being adopted, but I've always thought she probably just loved him more. Any input would be appreciated.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
If I were you, I'd be glad for whatever reason that Mom doesn't 'favor' you because she isn't doing her youngest child and child she gave birth to, any favors by treating him as she does. You can already see by how he talks to her that he is turning into an entitled brat. He will not know any happiness in life if he as an adult doesn't choose to swing the other way, realize Mom was wrong and he does have to follow rules and work hard in life and that life isn't always fair. As to the why, I don't know why your Mom does what she does. Knowing why isn't going to help you feel better. But heres your first chance to gain some understanding because in life you'll meet plenty of people saying and doing wrong things. It is easy to judge the outcome but if you learn to do as I do and place yourself in her shoes, and do so for others, it'll help you understand why and while not the right or best way, humans are human and dont feel the need to ask for help and just do what they feel is good enough, or what works. I know a couple who adopted two children after trying for years and being disappointed when they had no kids of their own. They ended up having a child of their own after adopting. They learned that this phenomenon happens to many couples unable to get pregnant who adopt. What happens is that when the stress of trying so hard is gone, usually because they gave up, their bodies are now able to function right and they become pregnant but after committing to adopt and parent a child or children. THat is what they told me. In their case, all were treated the same.
Some parents tend to automatically treat the youngest child different, with what they think is babying him/her, trying to keep the one they know is their last child, a child for as long as they can and will go to all sorts of lengths to make that happen by doing things that absolutely make no sense as far as achieving what they wanted. Or you could be correct and subconsciously without realizing that they do it, no matter how obvious it is, they don't realize they favor the child they created more than the ones they adopted.
So even if you've thought of bringing up the subject, it would backfire, especially if they don't realize deep down this is really happening and they resent you for making up lies and think you are the problem child because you see unfairness and called them on it. Then the other scenario is whether they know what they do or not, they get upset because a human younger than them, a child or young person is telling an adult something they should know and lastly most adults hate having another person, especially an adult point out something they are doing wrong. Even if true, it feels humiliating. SO there are special ways I deal with having to discuss such things with another adult if it involves me, same as I do on here giving advice, even if asked for. No one wants to feel they are naive or dumb and so it would not go well for you to say anything. That brings me back to being thankful that you are not the one being spoiled. It will be much harder for your youngest brother to be successful at anything in life now and later as an adult. When he is finally 18 and a adult, is about the soonest you can ask him if you may give him advice. Most people asked don't want advice, even my adult children and yes, it hurts to see a loved one making bad decisions that hurt them. When the time comes, study how to relate to people in ways they will be open to rather than closing down and shutting you out.
]
More Questions: |