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How do I get my annoying mom to back off?
Like the question states, I can't get my mom to back off. I still live and home and will probably be here until I graduate college (2 yrs) because of Covid-19. My mom always wants me to do stuff for her. Because I'm the most capable person in my home (lazy brother and equally lazy, freeloading cousins), I feel like she exploits me. She's wearing me out. I don't have a waking moment where this woman just lets me live. If you don't willingly do what she wants, she subtly makes you feel bad. I helped my brother with his schoolwork since the pandemic on top of my workload, I do chores, I help her out, but that's not enough for her. I could go on and on here. It's so bad, that I'm reluctantly trying to get into med school or anything else post-grad just to get out of this city and away from her, loans be damned. No one understands that I run out of energy and fatigue easily, even as a 20 y/o. I do a lot in my home, and I deserve to be left alone. She's annoying and this pandemic is no help either. What can I do? Am I just overreacting here? Thanks.
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If you are feeling too much of a load. I believe you really feel that so something has to change, whether its how you respond to it or having a family meeting and having your say in hopes it will change things.
When you say 'do stuff', I don't know if thats running errands once in a while or what. I would need a daily example to have a better understanding.
I do't want to guess just based on what you said as to what is really going on here. Due to Covid 19, a lot of couples and families are having to be around each other 24/7 and that is driving people crazy, with them reacting over things they normally would not. I would need to know if its been happening only since January and the start of talk about pandemic or if its been going on longer. It may have been happening to some extent before hand and only got worse during the pandemic. I can't say if your mom is being manipulative when you say "If you don't willingly do what she wants, she subtly makes you feel bad" but many people are purposely like that. Others simply feel that way due to many other things but the actions of the other are not manipulative.
Theres so much I dont know that all I can say is the best thing is to talk it out. Since MOm is the adult, she can enforce that ALL share the tasks equally including herself. She can't be the one who dictates but wont life a finger herself. That is not parenting. You let everyone know that
"I am the only one doing anything that needs being down, even though there are however many other live bodies under the same roof that could pitch in. I realize I am not being picked on but since Mom doesn't want to have to expend the energy to fight with your butts, its easier to ask me to do stuff because i will ALWAYS do it, even if i get exhausted by it. so I suggest we divy up jobs by importance and how hard or easy so everyone gets a fair share of responsibility. If we can't do that as a family, then I will start saying no to some things so I can keep a healthy balance for myself and not over work or over stress myself." This is what you say in a family meeting. And What you have to learn here is how to say no. You are being used simply because you won't fight, or say yes but do nothing. If chores aren't divvied up, you simply pick the ones you feel more pressing at the time and leave the rest for others which means the rest remains undone. Two years is quite a while if living like this with out any improvement either in how they treat you or your perception of how they are treating you. And I wouldnt go for med school just to get out if your hearts not in it. If you could get money coming in, enough to support you paying rent for a bedroom somewhere, usually older people with a spare bedroom will rent rooms out just to cover holes in their budget and this happens everywhere but more often if the homes are close to a community college or University. I wonder if schools have a number to call to speak to achool counselor. You might let them know you need a safer place to live while attending school during Covid and see what suggestions they have. Surely there will be other persons in the same spot as you, needing to get away from family or their home. One situation brought to mind is women in a domestic violence situation where they dont get any reprieve and the abuse is constant 24/7 due to being quarantined together. When I was your age I was overcoming being socially anxious. I tended back then to attribute situations that had no mischief or mean ness to them as being so, not realizing as I do now looking back that most of the issues I thought were for real or intentions I thouht were real, were wrong perceptions all in my head and imagination. I still see the same stuff as an adult and I laugh because its usually a teasing comment, nothing to put me down. I hope this helps you
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Did you ever think that you are annoying to her? It's not all about you here. Be careful with how you treat her now because one day when she's gone you'll be missing her and her quirks. I think she relies heavily in you because you are dependable and older than your siblings whom she can't get to do anything. As far as going to another city or school you don't care for to get away from her that's stupid. Your problems will follow you wherever you go until addressed. You may find you need her more than you thought.
All you have to do is point out to her that your siblings aren't pulling their weight or helping at all. Tell her that you feel a ton of burden and as if you're doing too much at once. Make a schedule so you can juggle your activities and what she needs help with. Encourage her to motivate your siblings to grow up a bit and take some responsibility for themselves.
Covid-19 is a bitch to be sure and leads people to become more dependent and or irrate at times with one another or to magnify their frustration. Just remember nobody wants to be stuck in the house alone or with anyone else for this long and that factor influences a lot of things.
Youmay think you deserve to be alone all the time but think about how she feels. Odds are it's the same way. I think if you see things through her eyes that you'll be able to work through this and compromise.
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You need to sit your mother down have a conversation with her about the situation she won’t understand how what you’re feeling if you don’t tell her she can’t read your mind she isn’t a mind reader there is no reason why if you don’t willingly do what she want’s she’ll make you feel bad a mother should never do that there’s no need for that especially now since you do a lot for her you need to make her realize she is wearing you out you feel she is exploiting you you should also mention you want your brother and cousin’s to help out more there’s no reason why they can’t help out shouldn’t be helping out they live in the same house you do they can contribute saying they’re lazy is just a excuse there’s no reason why your brother and cousin’s should be considered freeloader’s when they’re capable able to help out but are probably choosing not to not wanting to you can’t expect your mom to completely leave you alone not expect you to help out since you’re living in the same house as her i do think you’re overreacting because the situation can be controlled if you just tell your mother how what you’re feeling make her aware of your feeling’s if you don’t speak up say something she’ll never know her action’s behavior is affecting you bothering you
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