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My friend hasn’t talked to me in 2 months and I don’t know what to do
In the beginning of April, my friend dropped me out of nowhere with no explanation. Within the first few days, I noticed something was up so I texted him about it and he didn’t respond. Soon enough he started to cut me off from almost all of his social media. I still saw him interacting with the other people in my friend group so I knew that he only had a problem with me. This bothered me a lot because, even though I didn’t know why he cut me off, I knew I hurt him and I felt so guilty for making him feel this way. Eventually weeks went by and I began to lose hope that we were gonna talk again. My 18th birthday was coming up and I was hoping to hear from him. But to my own mistake, I got my hopes up and he ended up not telling me anything at all that day either. That day hit really hard for me. It became clear to me that he seriously doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore and this hurt me so much. I spent that night deleting practically every photo with him on my phone and I stood up until 4 am crying because I didn’t want to believe it was all over. This was a friendship that matter so much to me and held close to my heart. I just couldn’t believe that someone I cared about so much had dropped me so quickly. I still have no idea why exact he did this. The only reason I can come up with was me asking him about a previous fall-out we’ve had and how he felt during that time, but honestly I really don’t know. I don’t wanna be the one that texts him because that’s only gonna contribute more to the possible stress I gave him. And because of this, I can’t help but think that I’m a toxic friend in this situation even after how much this hurt me. We’re still not talking and I have no idea what I should at this point. I wish I can just let this go but I can’t. What should I do?
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I highly doubt that you are this toxic friend you have made yourself out to be. In life friends will come and go including ones we had a huge bond with. Sometimes when people want to move on they have an inability to tell the other person and end up just dropping them and leaving them to figure it out. That's not a nice way of doing things but it means he doesn't want it to be awkward and doesn't want a messy confrontation.
As hard as it may be move on and find people you gel with. Join student council, the drama club or something where you can meet other people. This is just 1 person. It's not nice how this ended but you deserve to find better people and you will. I wouldn't spend another minute crying over this as it's not worth the tears. It hurts to be treated this way and how he didn't value friendship. It says a ton about who he is.
It's too bad he can't communicate how he feels. I also know that it likely wasn't something you said or did unless you did something offensive which by all accounts you didn't.
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You;re doing some overthinking here but I can understand, with the fact you have total silence and no reasons that you know of why. When a person doesnt' have any real facts, their mind will make up scenerios, making your best guesses, such as "I must be a toxic person.
So you have equated his no text response and still talking to those in your friend group as meaning that he has a problem with you and you felt you knew the reason why is you hurt him. Sorry to have to point it out but the truth is that you don't know this 100% for sure, you don't know that you did something to upset him. You are guessing from his behavior. But I can think of another reason for the same behavior.
So if I understand right, he is a male best friend. You didn't state if you are a male or female but my guess works either way. He may have been too shy to let you know that besides the friendship, he started to feel more for you, the romantic couples love. It would not be about anything you did either way. If you are female, he may have become best friends because he really liked you and somewhere along the way or from the start, he felt more for you, a strong like or love. It could have hurt to feel this way but whatever sign he was looking for that you felt the same way about him, he didn't see and so he believed you only want him as a friend, nothing more. I wouldn't know if you have extra feelings for him. But when one person in a friend relationship begins to feel love, it is scary to think of explaining to you, whether you are female or male and he is gay and you did or didn't know it. I am guessing you are female by the crying til 4 am, not able to sleep. Males don't tend to cry but get mad or irritated, sad, instead. No matter what sexual orientation is for him or you, the only explanation I have that makes logical sense is throwing Love in the mix.
The one in love is afraid to let their best friend know just because they are afraid of hearing the other doesnt secretly love them in return romantically. Any person can know that if you tell, your friend may feel awkward spending time with you if they don't feel the same way, and they hope you can turn it off and just be friends. But deep down, most people figure it out, that one would always be examining and suspecting the words or actions of their in love friend, analyzing if any was of more than friends quality. At the same time the one in love just tortures themselves spending time around you when all they can feel is how they don't just like you as a friend but they love you romantically and that one thing is the only difference between a friend and a lover. The one you choose for life should be someone who not only is your best friend but also your lover. Unfortunately, many couples end up setting up relationships where they only have one or the other and those don't last.
You mention a previous fall out. To me there's argument or fall out with interpreting as hot words yelled back and forth and you go right back as if you didn't argue. Or an argument or disagreeing that led to him avoiding you for a while. You;re both still teens and so of course have a lifetime of learning how to relate with other people, not just romantic stuff, but anyone. For two singles to become a couple in truth, there is more than just the kissing and sex if thats how far its gone, Two people have to be ready to stop thinking of themselves as a single and all decision making is now done as a couple because what one does affects the other and this should be foremost in those minds. Two people in a couple relationship need to be able to trust each other or it wont work. They also need to switch from thinking their own thoughts and keeping silent to sharing everything with your friend/mate. When I say everything, remember they are not mind readers and that sometimes, just what you are thinking at the time might be something that should no longer be internalized but spoken aloud so your mate knows how you feel about something. An example is him inviting you to go again for the umpteenth time fishing with him. You wish you had not pretended the first time that you liked it to not hurt his feelings and now he assumes you like it but your not liking it might send off some confusing signals he picks up where you dont seen to enjoy it or he thinks he's done something to hurt you. So he doesn't ask. And you dont tell him. But here is where both need to share their thoughts. If she tells him she only was enthusuatic when first asked because he didn't want to hurt his feelings. He will be a good friend if he understands, and isn't angry about this. he'll compromise next time for something you both like and agree on, and he is relieved to discover you weren't upset with him.
You are two teens, just starting to learn the importance of certain things as you interact with other people, friends and lovers. The two of you need to do serious talking here and find out what is really going on. I don't think its because he never wants to be your friend again, he got back with you after the last disagreement which a guy would not have gotten back together then if he was so easily offended and turned off.
I suggest a face to face talk where you get to hear tone of voice and see body language, facial expressions. Or at least send a written letter to him or have a friend hand it to him. Ask your questions of what you fear and also ask if he secretly is in love with you. You must let him know he can share anything and you will not hate him for it or cry. But you have to keep your word and not over react, be understanding and try to see things from his point of view, be forgiving if need be and decide together on how you both move forward from here.
iF you love him so much as a friend and are willing to try being more than friends, let he know or nothing will happen.
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