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I am in a secret relationship that my mom doesnt want me to be in
So, Ive been with this guy for a few months now. He’s great, and I love him so much. He is my first boyfriend. Last year ,my mom found out about this, and we broke up for a while. Then we eventually got back together because we were in the same school. Im now back in keeping things private and suggested that we should just have an open relationship so that we can just figure out if this is really for us or not. The problem is, I don’t wanna hurt my mom anymore. She was really mad and hurt about us and she even thought about shutting me out from the family. I don’t want anyone to be in that mess anymore. I’m at a point where i regret everything. I should’ve just let him go long ago, but I didn’t. I was really invested in him and I thought that he was the one. But right now, it really seems bleak. We’re both young and I know we’ll meet more people but he doesn’t want to. He thinks I’’m the only one for him and my mom didn’t like him at all .What should i do?
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There are some things that just shouldn't be a secret. It makes me wonder why do you want to hide this relationship in the first place. Obviously, there's something you are ashamed of or don't feel right about. Perhaps your mother knows that he's a bad match for you or is doing something that could lead to trouble for you. Regardless of the reason she doesn't want you with him.
I think the best thing to do is bring the relationship out into the open and make sure your mom knows about it. She may not be thrilled but sneaking around with someone is a bad idea. You need her to trust you and doing this if and always when she finds out on her own may errode your relationship. Honesty is the best policy.
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Your English is great so no problems there. Since this is your first love, you don't have other past experiences to compare it with. I don't know when you are considered of adult age in your country but if that is soon, you'll be able to do as you wish then.
For now, to have peace in the family, its best to see if a compromise can be done, and if not, then wait until you become an adult.
Since I dont know why your Mom has objection, I can't help specifically to convince her to allow you to date , especially if she's wrong about something.
You could ask her while you are calm, not raising your voice, just asking what things she sees wrong with the young man, or what reasons she hsa for not wanting to you date. If you have not dated before, your Mom may not have had a plan such as at what age she considered you old enough to date.
Maybe she is racist against him, maybe its one of those things where when a person first meets someone, they instantly don't like the person and for no reason. Perhaps she is worried about you getting pregnant and that is a big thing because if you are not of adult age yet and able to support a baby, then this is a good reason and if all parents are truthful, the biggest reason is fear of the daughter getting pregnant. I am pretty open minded but my daughters having sex was the last choice on my list and I talked with each as they entered High School. I said my wish was for them to use this time not to search for love and romance and date a guy but to just have male friends as they do girl friends. Use the time to get to know what you like and don't like about aguy. With the list of what you didn't like, make sure the next guy is better than that. And each guy you are friends with or date, make sure each one is a step better than the last or you are not paying attention and learning from it. I would tell you the same thing. However that is for your Mom to tell you.
Now for a good chat with Mom, heres the compromise you could mention. I suggest in your language you do not refer to him as your boyfriend but a male friend, just as you have female friends and ask Mom if it is okay to have your friend, (I'll call him Luke,) come over on the weekend, a non school day. You ask if they wouldn't mind it if they were at home and could watch over you so you don't get into a bad situstion. Not many guys will go to a girls home and meet the parents, but thats how it worked with their female friends, they had to meet me. If a guy won't come over, he was just wanting sex eventually and didn't really care about you, or he just was too chicken, thinking that meeting your family meant this was too serious for him. However, if a guy really respects and likes you, he will jump at the chance to spend time hanging out together, even if under the watchful eyes of parents. This is what I suggest you share with Mom and Dad if there is one, so you can see your guy out in the open, instead of sneaking around. You would have to not cuddle or kiss while at home. If you wish to kiss, it should be at school where it doesn't freak out the parents, unless you are specifically told not to do such a thing. A kiss in a public place won't lead to anything on the spot but kisses in private can lead to more. Even adults when they know better, have fallen for the emotions of the moment and had sex when they did not intend to. Thats how powerful those emotions can be.
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I would respect your mother’s wishes she is your mother after all if you truly don’t want to hurt your mother anymore then don’t she doesn’t deserve to be hurt your relationship isn’t worth losing your mother family over at the end of the day when your relationship end’s your mother family is what you’ll have left you don’t want to take the risk of it truly getting to the point of you being shut out of your family and being left with nothing you don’t want to have to rebuild your relationship with your family gain their trust back right now you need to do what’s best for you since you regret everything and you could lose your family your best option is to end your relationship since thing’s seem bleak it isn’t fair to you or your boyfriend to keep your relationship private you have to realize that thing’s happen you can’t blame yourself be hard on yourself for you being really invested in your boyfriend it make’s sense i would end your relationship sooner rather than later before thing’s become even more crazier you don’t deserve the craziness when thing’s becoming worst can all be avoided
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