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Verbally abusive narcissist father?
For year’s iv’e thought my father has been verbally abusive to me our relationship has never been the way a father daughter’s relationship should be recently iv’e thought he is a narcissist father in public in front of people he act’s like the perfect father everything is fine but behind closed door’s that isn’t the case he has told me “I’ve got no brain” “I’m going to end up on the unemployment line and on food stamp’s” “He doesn’t care if he hurt’s me as long as he get’s his point across” “I’m losing at life” He like’s to put the blame on me make thing’s seem like they’re always my fault he rarely admit’s when he’s wrong he has also lifted up the table while i was eating dinner and got in my face
I feel like because iv’e reached the age i am no longer a child or minor that he feel’s like he no longer has to be a parent father to me he can stop i feel like he expect’s me to teach myself everything guide myself through life he has thrown it in my face that he teaches me everything when he is my parent father? He act’s like when it come’s to me everything is tough to do he doesn’t want to be bothered he act’s as if i’m a burden to him inconveniencing him because of him i am afraid to do thing’s around the house even something as simple as laundry i feel as if i am walking on eggshell’s i never know when he’ll strike he’ll abuse me one day then the next day he’ll talk to me act as if nothing happened don’t apologize he’ll act as if it didn’t affect me it’s like a reoccurring cycle he also like’s to mock me whether it’s mocking my word’s or action’s
Moving out isn’t a option moving in with friend’s isn’t a option either i also can’t move in with family because we all don’t live in the same state
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Dear Eggshell Walker,
This is where you have to decide what type of life you want to live. Living in fear and letting yourself be manipulated is not a path you want to take. One of the fears is that we expect our parents to be the guidance in our lives. What you have to look at is that if that guidance is helping or hurting you. If it's hurting you, it's not somewhere you want or need to be. Sometimes writing your goals and aspirations for your life can help you because you will begin to develop ideas and plans to help you reach those goals and aspirations. It's not a destination, but a journey that you must go on. Not allowing yourself to be manipulate dor affected by the negativity is a start. I know it may not be easy at first but as you continue to grow and start to believe in yourself more, the cycle of doubt and despair that has been inflicted on you will start to go away. It is up to you and no one else to decide what's best for your life but also you have to be willing to go on that journey, do the work and be resilient when overcoming any obstacle in your life. Trust in yourself and don't let anyone or anything stand in your way of being happy in life.
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You didn't mention if the abuse was always mental abuse or if there is a physical aspect where he assaults you. If he's hitting, punching or otherwise physically harming you call the cops and let them deal with him. It doesn't matter his relationship to you at that point. It's about getting him away from you and making him see the cosequences of his actions.
What I'm really concerned about is your mental health and inner soundtrack. When someone repeatedly runs us down it has an adverse affect and we start to believe it on some level. I think what you really need is a counselor you can tell all of this to and get help for dealing with your father and seeing that you are not what he refers to you as. You need to be strong mentally and if you have depression or anything else get that treated.
You said you can't live with friends. Why not? If you told them about your situation and that you can't be at home or escape it and volunteer what money you do have I think it could work. You could talk to their parents about what is happening.
While the rest of your family lives in different states you could reach out to them and let them know you need to leave the situation you are in and what's happening constantly. It may be a big adjustment but perhaps you can move in with family if willing to move to another state and start fresh. That may be a possibility you hadn't thought of.
If you tell enough people be it friends or adults you trust someone will be able to work with you and help you through the situation.
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Your father is certainly abusive, and he could very well be a narcissist. You may not be able to get away from him soon, but you really should be working towards that goal. You will find peace and you will find happiness away from this awful home. You say you are not a minor, and that's a good thing. I'm not big on the armed forces, but what if you joined one of the branches. That would at least get you out of that awful house. What about the peace corp? Although they want people with college degrees now. What about college? You may not have any desire to go, but maybe that is because your dad tells you that you are a failure at everything, so why would you want to try. I'll be if you got away from him you would be very successful. I went through the same thing with my mom. I left home at 18, and made a life for myself. I was scared to death, but I just kept putting one foot in front to the other and din't look back. It was hard. Yes, but worth it. I now have a college degree, and own my own home. My mom never changed, until she got Alzheimer.
Getting away from your dad will be the best thing that could happen to you, and you watch...he'll be calling and wanting to see you, and wanting to know how you are doing. He needs someone around to put down, so he can feel better about himself. He needs some serious therapy, but I'm sure he think's he's perfect. Make up your mind to find a job at which you can support yourself and get out. Your family, located in another state, what is the problem with going to live with them for a while. Unless they were raised by the same man. Your life is not going to change, unless you change it. Don't listen to what he says about you. You must get out, and then you will find out exactly what you are made of. You'll find that you can survive a lot, since you have already survived living with him. Good luck to you.
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