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I don't know if I should go for him or not!
Hello,
I am from USA I am a girl and I am 18, and I have recently gotten feelings for a guy. My best friend and I are very close. My sister and her brother are even dating. My best friend has a friend who was dating the guy im into now. They were together for two years, and he ended things with her, because he didn't feel the same anymore, and things were different between them. I've been spent a lot of time with this guy before quarantine. Everyone thinks he's into me, he's a very good guy and we talk a lot over the phone as well. I like him but I don't know if I should make a move or not. If it would cause problems. My sister dislikes him, but she doesn't know him very well. My best friends brother loves him and thinks he's a really good guy. What should I do?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
It's really not about what others think of him. It's about your perception of him and what you need out of a partner. They can't make that choice for you. You have to know in your gut if something feels right. If your brain keeps telling you it's time to go for it than do so if you feel it will have a good result. The only time I would listen to other people is if enough of them have told you to stay clear for a certain reason. That's something always to consider because odds are they're trying to save you from a bad experience.
If you like this guy just be honest and direct and see what happens. The worst that can happen is a "NO" or a "let's be friends" At least you will know the answer rather than having it nag at you incessently.
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I'd have to say that for a teen romance, it lasting 2 years is a good sign as teens don't usually have long dating relationships.
See, at this age, people are still learning who they are, what they want in life and in a person and learning about who you like in a person doesn't come about from dating only one or two guys or none. So I will say that if there is anyone who catches your interest, then there's no reason not to go for it and consider this another learning experience for you. I even watched other people teen and adult couples and watched to see how the man treated his wife or gf. I wanted an idea of what appealed to me in a guy and what I didn't want. The list for what you don't want sadly is something I had to experience in real life and it was with a husband who was wrong for me. I married at 20 when I really didn't know much at all. The warning signs that he wasn't a good choice were there, I can see that looking back. So I wish I had dated and made a list of what I did and didn't like in a gou earlier. This list will be refined many times before you find the right guy, the one that all women want, someone who will love them unconditionally for the rest of their lives. Its just that there are women who have no idea how to go about finding that or having the patience to wait for him to come along. I didnt meet my perfect guy until after I got a divorce. Met him at age 51. But you are young and just starting out. Although its good to listen to what others who really know your guy well, think of him, teens don't have life experience to tell any better and at 20 I still didn't know and made a bad decision. So I wouldnt rely so hard on what others are saying that he is into you. When I put myself out on a dating site, (thats how I met my 2nd husband) many guys wrote me. I must have recieved contact letters from a couple hundred guys. Of course I didn't marry any of them. They were into me only by looks and one third to one half didn't even read my profile because at the end I put a note that if he writes, he needs to refer to something I wrote in my profile. So I am trying to say that just because a guh is into you, if its really true, that doesn't mean he'll make a good boyfriend or more some day. If a guy says, "I love you" that still doesn't mean anything. I am showing you how to think about this all so in case it turns out you get with him and later it doesn't turn out, you'll understand why. People use the word love, as a verb, I love chocolate, I love roses, I love cats, etc but we love these kinds of things due to liking certain aspects of each thing. With chocolate, its the flavor, with roses, its the smell, with cats, its the personality of cats over dogs. But unless the cat was my own, I wouldnt have more to say as to why I love it.
There's love as in the example above or there is 'being in love'. My ex told a psychologist that he was not in love with me, only loved me because I was the mother of his children. What kind of answer is that? I don't believe the love me for giving him kids part because his actions speak louder than words.
WEhen you date this guy or any after him, look for what he does for you. Does he encourage and support you in following your interests, dreams hopes and being a better person? Is he consistant in how he acts? This is important. A guy can treat you well and then switch like a Dr. Jeckle Mr Hyde thing and becone a monster in how he treats you. I made excuse in my mind. He lost his job, he's stressed because one car broke down, he had a toothache, etc. Even being in pain is no excuse for yelling, being angry with a woman who you are saying you love. My new husband has been in pain in many situations, broken leg, one of the worst with 3 breaks, and he has never treated me badly, he will warn me he isn't feeling good or to talk softer as he has a headache, and I understand that. But theres no excuse for a guy who says he has this list of great traits but they aren't consistent, like I am patient, I am a kind person, I am loving, I treat all people with respect, I am forgiving, I dont hold a grudge, etc. I've heard this before and after some time of pretending to be all the things they believe will appeal to me, they show their true selves, once thinking they have caught you like a fish on a hook because you are saying you love him. I dated one guy 3 or 4 dates always in public, then I am invited to dinner he was cooking for me. He was a totally different person, not what he said to me but the things he said showed he was a perfectionist, anal retentive, holds grudges, talks behind peoples backs and is a racist to name a few. I didnt have to wait to see if it happens again. I ended it over the phone for safety sake. Its like the real personality escaping a crack in a jar they have been presenting to you as themselves. What ever oozes out that crack, you can be sure there is more of the same hidden inside.
So all that remains is you deciding why you want to date him. I know of girls who feel naked or like an oddball without a bf by their side. Its like he's their status symbol. I mever dated guys in school. I didn't have a need to have a guy to justify who I was as a person. I was ok with myself but finding the right guy is even better. Don't look for a guy to complete you, but realize that a person who is a whole healthy person mentally and emotionally is able to give 100% of themselves and its all good. If two people are only half of what they could be, yes the two halves make a whole but alone they each are missing some things mentally emotionally, and have all kinds of baggage or things to learn and master in life and are not good relationship material.
So you will know if you should og for him by what reason you have for doing so. Do you think you care enough about him that you want to do and give and help him as well as him doing the same? Thats a good reason. Do you just want someone as a social buddy to go places with. If thats true and both of you are looking for the same thing, then thats a good reason. But best reason I know of for wanting to date is to want to learn what I personally like and don't like about guys. I got help with this, 2nd time around when looking for a new husband. I wrote an article called, Finding Mr. Right. and I know it works because I used it to find my 2nd husband. YOu can use the same just to find a boyfriend because you'll still want to good traits in a bf that can be in a husband. So if you are game for starting to be serious about discovering what you like and dont like in a guy, then you most certainly should date. Somewhere along the way, one of the guys you date to learn about, will end up being the one who falls for you and you for him and you marry someday.
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