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Could a long-distance relationship work?
I talk to this girl a lot and get along well- and just from speaking to her on Instagram- I've realised we have a lot in common- we even came across each other via the same interest. I'd love to start a relationship with her- issue is, she's in a whole other country (she's American, whereas I'm in the UK), I've never actually personally met her, have spoken to her through Instagram Live though so know what she looks and sounds like (so I know she's not a catfish or anything) and also I thought long-distance relationships have some sort of connection to bad luck. I genuinely think she could be the perfect fit for me though, because:
We both came across each other through the same interest, Strictly Come Dancing (well, the American version, Dancing with the Stars in her case)- and also both having fan accounts for the show.
She's mentioned on a few occasions that she doesn't wear makeup; I also generally prefer natural beauty myself.
We both have quite a bizarre sense of humour.
We're both quite shy and reserved but express ourselves through social media.
She's never dated anyone before- just had crushes
She never really had that many friends either; and scarily coincidentally, her best friend since they were young kids kind of abandoned her too (which is exactly something which happened to me)
We also both think that there are too many idiots on Twitter (e.g. those who generalise certain groups as being evil- we both agree that those tweets could affect the mental health of the groups in question).
We both get nervous easily.
Now, having all of these things in common is just plain strange- I think she could be the perfect fit for me, but am unsure how to start a long distance relationship. Any tips? and also do you think that she'd be a good relationship for me?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
After a divorce from first husband, I realized I was a social person and would not do well alone so I went on dating sites, not the same as you might use, as I am from an older generation. I even did lost of chatting and found some guys who seemed to have so much in common with me, we loved how each other thought and analysed things and so on. I had put a limit on how far the guy could be so it was never more than a certain amount of hours travel by car.
What I found out is the one thing people don't really think about in the equation. All those things in common is only one part, the part where friendship can blossom. And successful couple relationships do need the best friends part. However they also need the chemistry of attraction and desire. It happended to me several times, thinking I was going on a date to finally meet the guy of my dreams face to face. Yet when we met, there was no chemistry. In fact, in one case, we had just been seated at our table when the guy said to me, "this isn't going to work, is it? and I sadly had to agree because I didn't feel that excitement in his presence. It was as if the person who wrote me on line and what I felt for that person was a totally different person than the one I was sitting with in person. Later when I met my second husband, the attraction was there but also a deep friendship bloomed at the same time and we've been together now 11 years.
He and I met on line. However after we both learned that what we experience and feel on line only can be misleading, we both were all for meeting in person asap, using the computer and dating service only as a way to get to know about each others existence. I moved in with him a month after meeting him in person and were married shortly after than.
So what I have learned from my own experience is that the person you fall for on line may or may not have the chemistry needed for the romantic and sexual side of the relationship. And here is where people get led astray by something called New Relationship Energy. this is an energy you feel from just the excitement of having found someone, even if they aren't the one for one, you end up feeling what seems like chemistry but is more like the excitement as a kid when you got just what you wnated for Christmas. Then as time passes, that toy or whatever, was something you lost interest in and you never engaged again. Its like that with people, assuming what they feel upon meeting is chemistry when its only New relationship energy which is as strong as the real thing, feels like it but fades and dies quickly thereafter so in weeks, months or a year, you realize this person just doesn't do it for you anymore.
So what I am saying is that if you are so sure this might be the one for you, that one of you will need to visit the other and get a feel to see what your impression is after spending time with them. The only LDR's that tend to work best are those where the couple met and were a couple before being separated, such as one going into the military or off to college. Otherwise, they dont work too well.
I have also heard from guys while I was dating that they were thankful I looked like the pcis I posted. Many had agreed to meet and the girl had posted flase photos, not of herself because she had too low a self image. I also heard from women who had met a guy, he moved but they were waiting til she finished college to join him. So they had an LDR, intending to get together but in the meanwhile, some other girl who was in his area, a real flesh and blood woman compared to a memory and typing online, was able to catch his attention over his LDR girlfriend and he began to date others all while the gal on line didn't find out til the end, having wasted so much time saving herself for him when he'd already lost interest. And seeing ones face on line is not the same as being able to be in their arms, feel their hugs and kisses and cuddles and more. Unfortunately the pandemic puts a kink into this and you must go on a while like this til its over. But when it is, I suggest you meet to see if you have the something more that you need to be more than just friends. I've been honest with you. this is all for real, not stuff I made up to discourage you. I can't possibly know if she'd make a good partner for you because of what I just explained. And as for tips, there aren't any on how to have an LDR, only tips on how to not fall into a dead end trap you let yourself into. I hope for your sake that with all you have in common, that the chemistry will be ther4e as well.
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In response to your first question, Tips on starting this are: do not force/rush anything, have a conversation about it with her and place it all in the hypothetical and there you should ask about if she feels ready for a long distance relationship. DO NOT fall victim to the myths that long distance relationships don't work. These relationships can work if there is patience, understanding, love and care for each other. Patience is KEY for this to work especially when the distance gets to you at times. REMEMBER THAT IT TAKES WORK TO MAKE IT WORK!!!
In response to your second question, I think she seems great for you especially since you have so much in common, it's like being in a relationship with your best friend. If it feels great to your gut feelings and instincts then go for it! I wish you the best and a very prosperous relationship.
Sincerely yours,
Denelle xoxo
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