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confused about feelings
This is my first time using this site; II live in Canada. Male. I am just getting over a bad breakup (only 2 days ago) with someone I was and still am in love with. However, a friend of mine has been helping me through this and whenever I talk to him I feel my face heat up a bit and I feel... strange?
I can’t tell if I’m developing feelings for this friend (which seems weird to me seeing as how I still definitely am in love with my ex). Any ideas about my feelings?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
If you left her, then you had reasons for doing so, concentrate on those. If she left you, thats leaves you open to self doubt, wondering where you might have gone wrong, afraid of doing the unknown wrong thing in the next relationship, etx.
We live in an age where the younger generations have been taught about LGBTQ situations which were still in the closet not talked abut when I was a kid. I do believe its true people are born like that and I fully support that. However I feel that with all this extra knowledge about Transgenders, and sexual preferences that younger people today are questioning more and more about their own or some one elses intentions towards them where I do not see any such issues at all. People are reading too much into anything these days.
So now to explain to you what may be going on. You are in the place of need. Someone steps in to help you. You are thankful for that and appreciate it very much and feel something. I can relate.
I can tell you that as a teen I already knew I was attracted to males. I got one period in HS where I got to help the school nurse for that period. She was older than my mom but not old enough to be a grandmother. She had three other gals who prefers talking to her than a school counselor if anything came up they needed to talk out and if she wasn't busy with a sich student which was most of the time, she was happy to be a listening ear and give advice where needed. I remember one time she had finished speaking to another student also a friend of mine when I was so overwhelmed by a feeling, it stopped me in my tracks. No, my face didn't heat up, but I felt my heart so a flip and it felt like it ached woth a love and admoreation for her, a feeling I have now with my second husband as the first one was a jerk. I had to analyse the incident of my feelings right then or it would haunt me. I realized it was not a sexual attraction thing, good lord, she was way older and not attraxtive in looks to me but it was who she wsa inside that I liked so much. So kind, loving, patient, not judging, sympathetic and so on. Lots of good traits. I loved my parents but until then, had only met one other person I felt lihe this about, and that was my Sunday school teacher, a male , where again there was no sexual attraction.
See, there are many different kinds of love. Eros love is the passionate love, Storge is familial love or loveing your family members,Philia which is a love for friends, minus the desire, and lastly agape love which is coined as the selfless love for those in need, love that spurs you to charity for others because you can't stand to see them in need any more than you could people who fit in the other 3 catagories. This is what I had to remind myself of and so I realised I had felt Philia love for her. As a younger person, I admired her and the aspects of her personality. I only felt that way once or twice but not all the time. Heck even with my parents, I had fleeting feelings of love depending on what was going on that made me feel that way but usually the love wasn't a promounced reaction or feeling in my body but it was still the same thing.
So you think its possible you are having 'feelings ' for your friend who I do not know if its male or female. If male, there is a chance you may be bisexual if you are admiring his body sexually and have a desire to be with him sexually. If a female, there is a chance you see qualities in her you like, whether they remind you of the ex or not but that would be just personality stuff you admire unless you are feelings sexually attracted to the female friend. You've heard the phrase, just friends or more than friends. So what is this thing that makes a friendship, more than just friends? It is having a mutual chemistry with each other on top of the feelings of friendship, and this would be the eros love. Eros is where the word erotic comes from, so everything romance and love making is what eros love is. So, no...I do not believe you are developing eros love for your friend, it is still the same Philio love you always had for this friend. If after time, you feel too caught up in feelings still for the ex and want it gone, you are the only one who can fix it because it involves your memories and dealing with your subconscious mind the right way. No hypnosis, just what you tell yourself and how you change your thinking. If you ever want to know how, as Ive done this and it worked and helped me after a breakup before I met my 2nd husband, then let me know and I will share it. You must go to my column to ask for it, at dragonflymagic. I wish you the best.
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There are many possibilities here. There is a possibility that you are drawn to your friend because he represents that way of hope/light in your situation as he presents himself as a very good and understanding friend. In other words, he is everything that you need at the moment especially at this point in your life. It is okay to feel how you feel but you must also reflect on if the feelings are genuine or because "he's being nice to me." You have to figure out if you like him for who he is or what he does for you. This should be a time of discernment and serious self reflection as you figure out how you really feel. I can't tell you how you feel, because only you will know but what I can advise is that you think through everything. Get in touch with you and your feelings and always trust your gut/instincts.
It is from there you will understand how you truly feel and why you feel how you feel.
And it is important that you know it is okay to feel how you feel.
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