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My sister is using my mom's debit card without permission, what do I do?
My '' sister" just turned 18. For months she has been using my mothers debit card to order stuff without permission. So this time I decided to google the name of the product that was ordered off of it. And it is weed, so I took it upon myself to look in her room, and she had a box full of it. Should I tell my mom?
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How one tells is not the issue, just tell her. Look at it this way....if you had your own bank account with your hard earned money in it and someone was using it to buy stuff for themselves, what is most important to you...that you learn about this so you can put a stop to it or how you tell? I'll bet the bigger concern you'd have is how to let Mom know without your sis finding out you said something. So don't be afraid because it is more highly likely that the owner of a card sometimes checks their account and balances it and see's purchases they don't recall making and looks it up, just as you did and discovered it was weed. Your Mom doesn't have to be the type to religiously check her bank statement online every month, just occasionally. Your sis doesn't have to know how often Mom checks. I highly doubt you knew due to your balancing Moms account. I don't need to know that and neither does your sis. So ask Mom in private when sis is not around if she has checked her bank account recently and tell her you know her card was used to purchase stuff the last couple months. If Mom doesnt have an on line account or any way to check up on it, its best that she set this up ASAP and see for herself, not take your word for it because you want to remain anonymous so sis can't make your life hell afterwards. This should be between Mom and your sis with you out of the picture after Mom has the chance to see those purchases and research the company, see that it is Marijuana she has purchased and then she can go search your sisters room for the stuff herself, have all that she can find in her hand when she confronts your sister. I know plenty of parents who see nothing wrong if their teens want to smoke some pot and will buy some for them. That is not what is wrong here. What is wrong is stealing from another person. If allowed to go on undiscovered, your sister may lead an adult life of doing whatever she thinks she can do to get away with something, cheat the IRS, steal at work, and so on.I am guessing there isn't a Dad in the picture as non was mentioned. And I know kids will take more chances and do the wrong stuff if there is no Man in the house to back up the rules kids tend to break more often with a Mom than a Dad. So your Mom has to do something. What if Mom had a big bill she planned to pay using her card but sis made a purchase just before that makes Moms payment short, many banks will make a customer pay for bounced checks. It can be a hassle coming up with the extra money not only to cover the bills or purchase and pay a penalty fee to the bank on top of it. Its not fair to your Mom. She needs to know. I say the same thing, tell the parents if a teen is talking about suicide, or they are really depressed and hiding it. I had a teen daughter who showed no signs of depression in HS and I spent time with each kid on a weekly if not several days a week basis just chatting about whats going on in their world and I heard all sorts of stuff I could help with, mostly friend problems and such but no mention of being depressed. No one told me. If she had killed herself because of it, I would have felt horrible, that no one told me so that I could do the right thing as a parent and get my daughter help. As a result, the worse that happened is she refused as an adult when she told me later, to get help, didnt like the meds, got worse to the point she cut herself off from all family, not just her parents and siblings but her aunts uncles and cousins too. She remarried twice and the last guy is crazier than her, causing Child protection to step in and take the first child away and give to the birth dad. I still wonder if things could have gone differently if just someone had told me. Your Mom will live with the same if she finds out in the future on her own, wondering where she went wrong, why didn't she see or notice anything about your sister, and wishing someone had told her before it was too late to do anything about it.
Since your sis just turned 18, she's an adult and doesn't have to do as Mom says anymore. However if she is living at home, Mom gets to set the house rules and one would be to not take other peoples stuff, no matter what your age, and parents will set other rules such as no boyfriends over, no noise after 10 pm and so on. And because you are living under her roof, what she says goes. Kids are usually taught to respect other peoples property and even in schools are told not to damage books, desks or take others property. It should be taught at home and in many homes thats the rule but despite a good parent setting guidelines, there are kids who will still sneak and do the opposite. If anyone else had stolen your Moms card number and used it for some online purchases, they would be guilty of an actual crime as far as courts go. The actual card isnt needed, just the info off the card which she could have written down somewhere.Usually thats the card number, expiration date and the 2 digit security code on back and in some cases, the zip code of where that card holder liver. So your sis at the teder age of 18 has been committing a crime. Most people would not report a family member to the police and your sis is probably counting on that if found out. I would say that in confronting her, police do not need to be involved. Give her the chance to stop what shes doing, get a job which probably means stop using pot and wait for it to leave her system before applying for jobs and then Mom keep track of all she earns and demand she pay back the cost of all weed purchased. If not willing to do so, she is then given a day she must move out by because she can't be trusted to live in the same house. Thats like going downtown, and picking out someone you see doing illegal stuff and inviting them to come live in your house for free where they can and will do what they do,,,steal. Your Mom cant exercise parental authority anymore and drag her off to counseling and try to get her set straight. Since Mom doesn't have that to back her up, all she can do is dictate what happens under her roof. Plus you might tell Mom to call the bank, report her card stolen and ask for a new one. It will have different numbers so sis can't use numbers she memorized or wrote down as they will no longer exist. then watch and wait to see if she repeats it all again, thinking Mom w on't notice. If told she has to leave if she commits any crime against a family member again and that should include anyone including you at that address, then it must be enforced. If she refuses to leave, since she is 18, she legally can't stay and the police can remove her by force and then get all the locks changed. I know this sounds like a horrible way to treat family but she is already doing that. And your Moms reason for doing the same is not for revenge but as a last chance to try to teach her something about how to grow up and learn to navigate the adult world.
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