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Do I message her first?
Hi, I'm 20 yrs old
I'm courting this girl that I've known since 1st year college (we're now in our 4th year)
And since our government issued a community quarantine we are just talking through messenger and sometimes I'll call her during the night.
But last week I felt that she's not interested in talking to me anymore. And I told her that it's hard to communicate to her these past few days. Then she said that she said that she's not in the mood to talk to anyone these days and that she gets drained and don't want to talk to anyone and that she doesn't know when that will stop. She ask if I'm upset about it.
I said No and I'll try to understand her and I'll wait for her.
It's been a week since then.
Do I check up on her? Or let her message me first?
I don't want to look like I'm rushing her to be okay.
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It take that you are understanding that everyone is feeling rather not like themselves during this quarantine , as a female I hate to be rushed honestlt ,what I do advise is that u check up on her every couple days to let her know you care. It will not only warm her heart but it will prove to her that you can give her effort.
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Not in the mood to talk to anyone, especially during the time of quarantines and staying at home, means something is not quite right and I highly doubt you have anything to do with it. Having no energy could be from sitting at home with nothing to do but people who do that get starved for social interaction, not the opposite. I can only guess what is going on here. And you'll see by my guesses that unless you are one of those professionals, there is nothing you can say that will help her right now. All you can do is be a friend, be friendly. So there is no reason why you can't message her first as she most likely won't write first.
A bigie this might be is depression. SHe may have had it all along, a light case and was able to hide it well, acting normal ( I know, as my oldest child was like that as a teen ) and with the uncertainty that anything will go back to normal after the pandemic, that alone is enough to set some poeplel over the edge into depression, even those who've never really been depressed before. This needs professional help and unfortunately most dentists and eye Drs. pschiatrists, any professionals like those not needed to keep a person alive if they have the virus, are not open or taking patients. Perhaps there are phone consultations tho.
It could be a strange form of cabin fever where pessimism takes held. And her attitude again at being stuck in quarantine and not being able to lkive her life as usual, could have her shutting down her expectations so she can't be disappointed when she can't have what she wants. She wants to have places to go, events to attend, people to see like you but since she can't, she avoids contact with people so she can't be reminded of what she doesn't have right now. Yes, it's not normal thinking, most are starving for interaction and using the net, zoom and others to contact with. This is distorted thinking and also requires a psychologist but doesn't usually require medication. Most normal people have bouts of distorted thinking at timees but we recognize our negative thoughts and dismiss them instead of focusing on them. Depression could also bring this about.
Lastly, not having the constant in person interaction with you and not enough bonding between you before the pandemic means she may be losing interest in putting any work into the relationship. Or she simply after 3 years has decided after not being able to be with you that she is not missing you. You may have to wait until quarantining has been lifted and she is able to spend time with you again to determinbe if she really is into you still or not. I wouldn't worry its over yet, not during this pandemic, and definitely not if she has undiagnosed and untreated depression or anything along those lines.
She is not going to be able to message you first if she truly is in a funk, so have no problem contacting her. Hoever if she asked you not to contact her or not contact her as frequently, you might let her know that you care as a friend, even if it was more than friends, and say that as a friend, you still want to make sure she's okay and will call or write her in a week, every two weeks, you choose and tell her and ask if that works okay for her. If you ask when you can call and leave it up to her, she might say never and then you're stuck having to go against what she said. She needs to be checked up on just as the elderly who are shut in and unable to go places. Just her needs are more emotional and mental in nature.
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