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Losing Touch with People
Hello. My name is Brian Hardy. I am twenty-seven years old and I live in Danville, California. I have Asperger’s Syndrome, so I do get upset easily about many things. Plus long-term relationships can be difficult for me. I am also a brony, which is a male fan of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Watching that show has taught me the true meaning of love and friendship, so because of that, family and friendship is important to me. Anyway, what I am going to discuss today is losing people I was once close to. The first person I will discuss is my best friend David. David is my best friend. Just like me, he also has Asperger’s Syndrome and he is a brony. We first met at a brony meetup in Emeryville on August 1, 2015. We had previously gone to summer camp back in 2008 and 2009, but we did not know each other back then. When we first met, David was eighteen years old and and just graduated from high school and I was twenty-two years old. David and I were separated over the years because he was living in Salem, Oregon attending Willamette University from 2015 to 2019. However, David and I would always get together whenever he came home for vacation. David used to live in Oakland, but he moved to Carlsbad in September 2019 because he got a job at Thermofisher. I was very upset when I heard that he was moving away. He came home about a week ago, but I cannot visit him due to the shelter in place. I have made plans to visit him in Carlsbad this summer, but I may have to cancel if the shutdown is extended. I desperately want to see David, but I do not know how to do it. The second person I will discuss is my cousin Jared. Just like me, Jared attended Diablo Valley College and later transferred to Cal State East Bay. Jared was born in Walnut Creek and was raised in Concord. He used to bully me when I was younger, but he has since outgrown that and we get along well these days. Anyway, in 2010, Jared moved to San Francisco and my family visited him at his apartment once in 2011. Then in February 2012, Jared met his future wife Lisa online (who was living in San Francisco attending San Francisco State University at the time) and they eventually met in person and began dating. Then in May 2014, Jared and Lisa moved into an apartment in Santa Clara together because Jared got a job at Pure Storage in Mountain View and Lisa got a job at Compass Care in San Jose. On March 12, 2016, me and my parents had dinner with Jared and Lisa at Fontana’s Italian Restaurant in Cupertino. At the dinner, they mentioned that they were going to Miami in May. On May 15, 2016, Jared and Lisa got engaged in Miami! Their wedding was held on a Horn blower cruise ship in San Francisco on May 12, 2017. Six months later, Lisa got pregnant and a baby shower was held at Earl Carmichael Park in Santa Clara on June 23, 2018. Their daughter Amara was born in San Leandro on August 18, 2018. Me and my family attended Amara’s birthday party on August 18, 2019. I made a connection with Lisa’s sister Annie at the party and she gave me her number. (I attempted to meet up with her in Monterey once, but she was not available.) Then on September 14, 2019, my mother received a text message from her sister Bernie stating that her son Jared and his family would be moving to Westminster, Colorado because Jared got a job at First Bank in Westminster starting October 21. Jared, Lisa, and Amara all moved to Colorado on the weekend of October 12 and they bought a house in Thornton, Colorado in January 2020. I missed Jared’s farewell party on October 6 because I was in San Francisco on that day. On the weekend of October 19, my parents took me on some day trips as my reward for completing eight weeks of therapy at Rogers Behavioral Health. I went to San Francisco on October 19 and Carmel, Monterey, and San Jose on October 20. All I could think about was Jared because he used to live in San Francisco, his sister-in-law Annie lives in Marina (a suburb of Monterey) and he used to go to Marina to visit her, and he used to live in Santa Clara and would often dine at Santana Row in nearby San Jose. On the way down to Carmel, me and my parents drove through Morgan Hill, which is where Lisa’s parents live. During the car trip, my mother said to my father: “They could have moved to Morgan Hill. They could have bought a house there for cheap and Lisa’s parents could have babysat Amara while Jared and Lisa were at work.” It is too late now. The third person I shall discuss is my online pen pal Mike, who lives in Hagerstown, Maryland. I met him for the first time online in 2014 (his father died of pneumonia at 59 around that time), but we did not start conversing with each other until 2017. Despite some arguments and disagreements with each other, our friendship remains strong. Just like me, Mike is autistic and he is also a brony. We both have the same favorite pony: Rarity. However, Mike is starting to lose interest in My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and he emailed me saying that he wants to take a break from using the intenet until the coronavirus pandemic dies down, but he will let me know when he is ready to talk again. This upset me because I am very close to Mike and I hate to see him go like that. I have tried reaching out to Mike by mailing him letters and sending him emails, but he never responds. It upsets me because Mike has sent me gifts that I still own. For example, staring at the Rarity bracelet that he gave to me for Christmas last year and the My Little Pony beach towel that he gave me for my birthday this year make me think of him. I cannot get my mind off of Mike. The fourth person I will discuss is my tenth grade English teacher Mr. Ault. I have very fond memories of his class and I met my best friend Lauren in Mr. Ault’s English class. Lauren and I are still friends to this very day and our friendship stems from that class. I have very fond memories of reading novels such as “Boy’s Life”, “Lord of the Flies”, and “Boy’s Life” in Mr. Ault’s class. When Mr. Ault retired from teaching in 2015, he emailed me his mailing address so I could write him letters. He used to live in Livermore, but he moved to Tracy in 2014 to be closer to his daughter. Mr. Ault and I would write each other back and forth and he came to my birthday dinner in 2016. He told me that he prefers to keep his cell phone number private, but he gave me his email address so I could contact him by email. As time went on, I received less and less letters from Mr. Ault. I tried emailing him, but even as I emailed him, he would seldom reply. During Christmastime 2018, I got a Christmas card from Mr. Ault saying: “Brian, I am sorry for taking so long to respond to your letters. I have been recovering from surgery and it is taking me longer to write than I have anticipated.” On February 20, 2019, Mr. Ault’s mother died at the age of ninety-five. I sent him a sympathy letter, but he never responded nor thanked me for the letter. In the summer of 2019, I wrote a letter to Mr. Ault telling him what is going on in my life. I got a response from him four months later in October saying that he and his wife are doing better and that he has recovered from surgery. I have not heard from him since then. I have written him Christmas and birthday letters, but he has never responded. I have given up on him and I have written him off, but I am not sure whether that was the right thing to do or not. The fifth person I will discuss is Alyssa. Alyssa I first met through my therapist Dr. Labelle’s social skills group and we even had a class together at Diablo Valley College in 2015. In 2016, we exchanged numbers and started hanging out after that. We both like My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and we used to talk about the show and I would share my My Little Pony fan fiction stories with her. Alyssa is a pegasister and I am a brony, so our friendship partially stems from that show. Both of us are on the autism spectrum too, but Alyssa is a lesbian, so we never dated unfortunately. I have very fond memories of Alyssa. We have gone to the Oakland Zoo, Playland-Not-at-the-Beach, and we have also gone to an Irish concert and saw “Ragtime” at the Berkeley Playhouse. Unfortunately, Alyssa is a diabetic, so she does have health problems. One time, we were going to go out to lunch, but she canceled on me because she was feeling ill. She was also very flaky. One time, it took her several attempts to go out to dinner with me because she kept flaking on me. In November 2018, I lost touch with Alyssa. I tried texting her, but she would never respond. Although she did respond to my text message when I wished her happy birthday last year, she has never responded to all of my future text messages and she has not really reached out to me. In October 2019, I saw an advertisement for a play in San Francisco about lesbians named “The Daughters.” I invited Alyssa to see the play with me, but she never responded. Just like Mr. Ault, I have given up on Alyssa and I have written her off. She never comes to Dr. Labelle’s social skills group, she never comes to the autistic meetup groups that we are both members of such as the Umbrella Foundation and Second Sunday Social, and she never replies to emails and text messages. My sixth friend I will discuss is Destiny. Destiny is neurotypical, but she does have friends who are on the autism spectrum. I first met Destiny at my DVC graduation in May 2019. We got along very well, exchanged numbers, and we arranged our first meeting for after I got back from Europe. We were originally going to meet on June 29, but we moved the luncheon to July 6 because Destiny had to go to a funeral on June 29. When we met up at Luigi’s Deli, Destiny introduced me to her boyfriend Oscar, whom I had previously had as an Uber driver and I got his number. I could really connect with Destiny. We both have similar interests such as Harry Potter, Anastasia, and Beauty and the Beast. Destiny also likes Sailor Moon, which I liked as a child. Destiny also likes Cinderella, which I have a slight interest in. We both watch. “The Good Doctor” too. We both have four best friends and have ended some friendships due to arguments and both of us see our siblings as materialistic spoiled brats. Destiny and I hung out a few times. We went to John Muir’s house, saw my favorite musical “Mamma Mia!” At DVC, and had lunch together once. Unfortunately, Destiny got a weekend job as a nanny and had to work on weekends. Because of that, she had to cancel a dinner date we had scheduled, with never got rescheduled. We were going to see “Cinderella” at the Town Hall Theatre in Lafayette during Christmastime last year, but she cancelled on me because she had to work on the day we were going to see “Cinderella.” I have tried texting Destiny a few times since then, but she has never responded to my texts. Although she did text me in November 2019 saying she got her license and that would be getting a car soon. She also mentioned that she missed me. I texted Destiny “Merry Christmas”! and I got a response from her, but all other times such as when I wished her happy birthday and happy Valentine’s Day, she has never responded. Last summer, me and my family went to Salzburg, Austria and we did the Sound of Music tour. I sent Destiny a copy of the movie “The Sound of Music” for her birthday/Christmas present, but she never acknowledged that she received it nor thanked me for it. I have given up on Destiny and I have written her off. My seventh and final friend is Amanda. I met Amanda through the Ebuddies program in September 2016. We would email each other back and forth and I got to know Amanda well. However, as time went on, Amanda would send me less and less emails. When I was in Bern, Switzerland last summer, I got an email from Amanda saying that she had graduated from college, she bought a house with her boyfriend. She told me that the baby was due on September 20, but she did not want to find out the gender. I got an email from her in August 2019, but that was the last time I heard from Amanda. I emailed her in September asking her how the delivery went and how the baby is doing, but Amanda has not really reached out to me. I have tried sending her emails, but she never answers. Amanda has not really reached out to me. I have given up on Amanda and I have written her off. In addition to these people, I have also lost touch with some people I went to high school with whom I do not know how to contact. I also did the transfer academy when I transferred to Cal State East Bay. I made some new friends, but I have lost touch with some of them and now, I do not know how to contact them. When I was at DVC, my wellness counselor told me that she has also lost touch with some people she went to high school with whom she does not know how to contact. I have also lost people I went to high school with whom I do not know how to contact, but I do not know if I will ever see them again or not and that is another story. My mother has lost contact with a woman she went to high school with named Liz. Like Mr. Ault, Liz used to live in Oakland, but she moved to Tracy in 2001. My mother and Liz were the best of friends. They went to to Hawaii and Mexico together in the 1970s. They went to San Francisco together to see the Pope in September 1987 and they caught the charter buses in Hayward, but my mother missed the bus and had to take the later bus to San Francisco. After Liz moved to Tracy, she had lunch with my mother at Chevy’s in Livermore, which has since closed down. When Liz turned fifty in December 2007, my mother went to Liz’s fiftieth birthday party. After Liz turned fifty, she stopped corresponding with my mother. She stopped replying to my mother’s emails and text messages, she never comes to the reunions, and she never answers the phone when my mother calls her nor returns her voicemails. In November 2016, my mother wrote Liz a long letter inviting her to come to her annual Christmas party, but Liz never wrote her back. My mother has given up on Liz and she told me that she does not know how to contact her. I feel like Liz has written my mother off and I feel like it is time for my mother to do the same. I guess that losing contact with people happens to everybody. Please tell me what I should do about each situation.
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