|
GOT IN TROUBLE
Okay so.. I went to a boy's house after school and came back home around 5:17. My mom was already off and I had to call a Lyft. My mom questioned me about where I was and etc, she took my phone, and went through my messages. I was communicating with a 30+ y/o man and we even had ---. My mom came in my room and asked me how old was he and I ignored her. She left around 6 and hasn't been back since.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
So what would you like to hear from this site? That your Mom is harsh? That you should be able to do as you wish? That what you did was not dangerous? I don't know if you meant sex by masturbating with a 30 yr old on line, but I am not up on rules about sex on line, although I imagine that man would be investigated by the police, particulary the department that deals with on line predators. When anyone goes on line to make friends with an underage person with the intention of eventually meeting to have sex, that is any child/teen who is not already 18) then that is sex intended with minors, he is a sex offender. You are still going to do what you want to do so although my choice would be to tell you to stop talking to and seeing the guy, that is not what you asked, in fact, you did not ask a question. What I will asd which I hope helps you to make a better decision is the following fact.
Until a person is at their mid twenties in age, the part of your brain that is used to make good decisions or to see possible consequences down the road, etc is not fully mature, even though your body is mature enough to have sex with someone, of any age, even your own age. So please read this link to an article on this situation. Then you will understand why you may feel it is okay to do what you are doing, being sexually active with a partner of any age.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
It sound like you have a Mom but you don't mention a Dad. I have to guess that your Mom is the only one bringing in money for the household budget which may mean longer hours at work, two jobs, and not enough time to be around for you as a family. Taking away your phone was to prevent you from communication with the adult man and in general any other things she can only guess you might be into. Teen girls naturally want attention from males, it is built into us, wanting to know we are beautiful. Unfortunately, with an immature cortex, girls often feel they have to get it through having sex. Sex and lust are sepaerate from unconditional love. I had a healthy time going through this period in my life. I had a Dad at home whom I could go to and model my latest choir dress and ask his opinion how I looked. Girls as teens need to hear from a trusted adult Male in their lives that they are truly on track as far as their femininity is involved. It was good to get his appropriate response of how pretty I looked and that the guys would certainly be looking, but never extended to him wanting to be sexual with me, That would be wrong.
Ever wonder what a much older adult sses in an undeage person or has in common with an underage person? There is nothing in common except that they have working developed sex organs. The adults have a developed cortex and deep down know what they are doing is wrong. They have a problem and should be seeing a therapist. But they want sex and know that any person their own age bracket also has a mature brain and is not going to fall for having sex with them. So they turn to those whose brain is not yet fully developed so they are handicapped already in making the best possible decisions for themselves. So no matter what the person seems like, how nice they are, in reality they are using you. Do you like being used by people? I don't and I don't know of anyone who does. They usually stop seeing friends or break up with anyone who is using them. Using someone means it is not an equal thing, ii is taking and taking and not giving back. Oh but you enjoy the sex, right? Same as a little child enjoys a lollipop and if any adult offers them one if they come in their car to supposedly help them to find their lost puppy. A puppy that does not exist. They get the lollipop, maybe, but who knows what the adult will do to them. Rape and kill them, kidnap for ransome. What is happening is that an adult is preying on another human, one who is not capable of seeing the whole situation for what it is and how you can be affected. I am sorry your MOm doesn't have the time, or even knowledge of this stuff to pass on to you. But you've heard it now from me. So until you reach 25 or there abouts, how can you know you are making good decisions? The answer is simple. You have already started by reaching out for advice as you did here, even though you did not ask a specific question. The best thing you can do is to get advice from an adult who knows you well and whom you feel comfortable talking to, an adult looking out for your best interest. A parent is usually that person but I don't know of many teens comfortable talking to parents about lets say, the party at Shays house that will have boys and booze or the fact you are horny or want sex. If a child is raised with parewnts who remain control of themselves, are calm in any situation and understanding and are raised having chats with parents on any topic, they are more prone to using the parents as their sounding board, which means bouncing their ideas, or issues off the adult to see what they may be missing in a logical and safe way to look at the situation, what actions are needed or not needed, etc. I had 3 girls. I told them to watch the girls who were dating a new guy every couple weeks, messing around with them and pay attention to what was happening with their grades. Grades drop when a girl is upset over losing a boyfriend, she can't concentrate. i told them, I did approve of having Msle friends,, just that I saw a boyfriend as the more romantic relationship teens are ill prepared mentally to handle. I said my wish was for each of them to wait until they graduated until they became sexual with a guy or even dated. I know that may sound harsh. However I also told them that if they got too close to a male friend and both had growing desires for each other and wanted to have sex, that they should oome to me first and I would take them to doctor to get them on the pill. And provide them with condoms to use against STDs. All daughters reported back that indeed, the girls in school who were never without a boyfriend, were also suffering emotionally at times and not getting good grades at all. All three vowed they would not plan on dating or having sex until they graduated. Male friends were told they could come over and hang at our house when we were home so we could chaperone. Most parents can't handle such a situation let alone even spend any time thinking about the future and what could possibly happen. So you may need to find another female adult, if not Mom, a favorite female teacher, maybe there is a Mom of a girlfriend of yours who treats you like another daughter of hers, you could ask her if you can share thoughts with her. I do know some parents are not calm and overreact rather than respond as I have and I know you can not talk and reveal your thoughts or what you are doing or want to do. But it is crucial that you find some adult female you trust. Perhaps an aunt. There was once a situation where one daughter went to talk to her aunt , my sister instead of me, because it was a situation she remembered my not so good reaction too in the past. That is a big part of why I became more approachable as I was already going that way and after hearing my sister tell me years later that my daughter had come to her, I felt bad that I wasn't the best choice for my daughter and became even more open. Parents are not perfect. You need to make your best decision as to whether your Mom can be trusted to not over react or which adult female is your best choice. HOpe this has helped.
]
More Questions: |