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Roommates Won't Talk To Me
I was wondering how I can get my roommates to talk to me I tried everything, I clean our place, clean dishes and when ever I see them I ask them how their day was. The 3 of them will be talking and if I walk into the room they get quiet. We are in college and I want them to talk to me without me starting the conversation. So far they leave notes asking me to pick stuff off at the store.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
It would seem it is more of a personality conflict. There is something about you, that doesn't attract them to you as a friend. And if you can't be attracted as friends, you will not be able to be roommates. ITs the same when you marry, if the person you marry isn't a terrific friend first, then no matter how good the sex is, you'll be fighting the rest of the time. I suspect the only reason they leave you alone and don't pick on you is because of all the things you do for them. They get to party, and have fun, study, but have no other responsibilities. There is nothing wrong with you. I am not friends with every person on the planet because there will always be people I just don't like being around, their point of view, morals, beliefs, personality and so on, is so differnet from me, I would be bored or feel that been there done that thing, like I was a highschooler forced to make a bunch of Kindergartners my best friends. Life doesn't work that way. Right now, these gals have someone volunteering to be their maid, maybe cook, a go fer...meaning running errands such as picking items up at the store and possibly doing their laundry for them. They aren't really big girls living on their own as adults, They are still in teen or kid mode, and have no reason to grow up because you are there.
SO here is a lesson for you to learn that will help you through out your life. When it comes to changing for the better, you have no control over changing another person for the better, they have to c ome to that conclusion and desire to change on their own. Even being a good example is like trying to plant seeds in a desert or in clay and expecting to see new growth, it won't happen. You only have control over yourself and changing for the better. So if you can't change them, this means living with them as a stranger and without doing anything for them. Thats not the way to make them friends, all it teaches them is how to use people, to become a leech, a person who is always taking, never giving back, not even in small stuff like words, smiles, compliments. If staying there is something you can't change to outcome of, what does that leave you the option of? Finding new roommates. It would be harder to get all of them to leave so if I were you, I would start looking around for others who are looking for room mates. You didn't mention college and sometimes it is hard to find good roommates for college but you can start this summer advertising, at the college if you do attend, and go for some of the people who don't have a place to live yet near the college and find a group of people you really like and get along with before all of you sign a rental lease together. I would guess that part of the problem with the room mates is that they are very immature. So there is no cure or remedy how to overcome that and get them to acknowledge your presence, talk to you, include you, accept you. They are stuck in middle school or HS as far as maturity is concerned. Don't ever feel you are stuck, no matter how much trouble it is for you to change your situation and start over with new room mates. Yes, its a pain and hard at times, but I did the hard thing and left an ex husband after he was not willing to continue going to a counselor and he had mental illness and hadn't loved me or treated me well in over 25 years. He didn't think he needed help or improving, wasn't in love with me and so I left him. Eventually I found a man who treats me like a Queen, patient, understanding, unconditional love and compliments and tells me he loves me every day. We can't stand being apart for long and we're not young people, being 60 yrs old and 61. I am so glad I realized finally that I can't force the ex to change and God in prayer said, He won't force anyone to change and do the right thing because he has given free will and choice to all. My only power was to decide what I allowed myself to be submitted to or not. I decided I was done being treated like his maid, go fer and everthing else but beloved wife. Still is not a marriage situation for you but there are similarities in how you are treated and the fact that you can't do anything to change them, believe me, that is the first thing I tried when in my twenties and early marriage. When I had kids, I poured my attention into them but now wish I had left earlier. I found such a situation can have hidden stress so I am sure you must be feeling some yourself because it is stressful always wondering what to day and do to get on someones good side and get them to start treating you nicely. I learned the hard way dear but you don't have to waste a good chuck of your life before you learn it unless you don't learn from listening to others but learn best from going through it yourself. THen again, you did ask for advice and I am sorry that there is no magic list of things you can do to improve the relationship with room mates.
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