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Am i doing something wrong?
My best friends(2) and I recently had a fight. We've made up since then but only because I said sorry. They always left me out and never really did anything even after I told them multiple times to help me out. After I while I stopped associating with them. Then I decided to end this friendship cause I have severe depression, and they were once the only things that made me happy and kept me alive, and it hurt to see them as a duo, when we're really a trio. I told one of them, who also had depression, about the fact that I have depression too. When I brought it up,both of them started blaming me for it, and told me I should have come to them. When I said I did, and helped them recount it, they told me that 'I' should have taken it carefully and not just casually mention it. I was confused so the next day I apologized and told both of them that I had depression and my insecurities influenced my actions. Now, after a while, they have finally started treating me well after a long while. But only because one of them who is the 'dominator' of out group started treating me like a person.Sorry if it all looks confusing but I had to explain it shortly. Please help me out. I feel mixed emotions cause now they're actually including in me and not just in their own bubble. I needed help cause its been messing with my head a lot.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I don't see it as you doing anything wrong, no matter how you tell friends you have depression, it is wrong for them to dictate how exactly you should tell them. All you wanted was understanding and support. Understanding what is going on with you is one thing, but getting support from others who are also dealing with depression, means they can't really give support if they are suffering as well. Overthinking was already mentioned and yes, I suppose there is some of that going on.
I am going to use an analogy to make it clear to you that they can't help you feel better. Maybe then you won't feel so oonfused about it.
Everyone person has a brain that needs feel good hormones. Think of it as a receptacoe in the brain that holds all these hormones and the purpose of the hormones is to be of use to help our brains when we suffer something stressful. Some people are born with brains that are not able to create these hormones on their own so they need to take synthetic meds that simulate the same action. THat is called clinical depression. Then there are people whose brains can create the hormones but due to a bad situstion they went through, all the hormones got ussed up in dealing with their feelings over whatever stress they went through. When these levels get low or run dry in people like this, it is called depression also because depressed is another word describing low levels.
There had been studies on depression of those able to create these hormones and one Dr discovered that only a slight amount of his patients had clinical depression. The majority of people diagnosed with depression have the kind they can reoover from and live happy and joyfully without depression. I have someone in my family with depression but they rejected all help. A daughter whose boyfriend dumped her went into what I call situational depression as it was based on a situation she went through. I had learned what a person can do to quickly begin to raise those depressed levels of feel good hormones and they are so simple. I have used them myself. Suggest it to daughter but heck, who thinks their parent knows anything, she took her one free visit to a psychologist who knowing she couldnt come again plus from a few questions realized it was situational, not clinical, gave her a list of things to do to help. She got excited and showed me the list saying "You're smart mom, everything you told me is on this list from the Dr. What he knows is something only some psychologists have learned and studied and practice while others still poo poo the idea. It is called CBT, or cognitive The behavioral therapy. THe psychologist who trains new psychologists on this and turned author, once upon a time rejected the CBT idea until a collegue challenged him and he was shocked when most of his patients started responding positively and most being cured. His name is David D. Burns and heres his website. He has his books listed there.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
It is hard to actually follow and heal yourself just through reading as a cbt Dr will personalize the basics to fit you as you learn to overcome fears, anxieties, distorted thinking or stinking thinking as a few Drs. have coined it. So there is help. Even those with clinical depression who still need meds find they do better knowing about cbt.
You can't change your friends for the better. So since depression is your basic issue, I would suggest working on yourself first. Once you are on medication if need be, or totally healed using CBT, you will be able to look at the friend situation more clearly and decide if they are the kind of friends you really want, ones who are helpful, supportive, encouraging instead of making you feel the opposite. If you don't have insurance coverage you will have to read a ot on the website and go over it closely and apply the things you see, to your life. If you go to your general practice MD for a referral, he may give you someone untrained in CBt. Its best to go straight to your insurance ans ask about coverage, ask for names of Dr.s in your area who have the CBT after their name or in their description of what they do. Give those names and contact info to your Dr. iIas most won't see you until there is a referral. I hope this all gives you some hope. If you want the list of simple things that will raise your feel good hormones, let me know and I will give it to you. But you can't ask in the place where you rate me and can make comments as i can't respond to you from there. You have to browse columnists and find me, Dragonflymagic and go to my column and write to me from there if you want me to send you something.
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I put myself through the same torture and I am 51 years old. I hope you noticed that I wrote "I put myself through this torture". You and I are over thinkers. Also called running thoughts. I have to work at keeping my thoughts in a positive place. Exercise, prayer, and meditation all work miracles. I also put signs around my bed so it will be one of the first things I see. I am a quick forgetter. Another remedy when your feeling not good is to help someone else. It takes your mind off yourself and it creates positive self esteem AND THAT MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF!
Good luck and don't give up!
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