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Friend makes me uncomfortable
Ok, I have a problem. So I have this "friend", we'll just call her Amy. At the beginning of the year, Amy and I were both friends with a different friend, let's call her Ella. One day, Amy expressed to me how she felt Ella was mistreating her, and I offered her my support. From that day forward, Amy started to get really weird. Every time Ella was around, she would HEAVILY disagree with everything Ella had to say, even if Ella was right, and then elbow me, and give me a look that said, "can you believe her?!" It only gets worse. I invited Amy over to my house once, and regretted it. The whole time she just sat on my laptop and watched YouTube. She then asked for ice cream and chips and ignored me the whole time. She doesn't really give much in our friendship, if you could even call it that. It's always me giving her food, me helping her, and I'm tired of it. My other friends don't seem to have an issue with it. She also forces herself into our close-knit friend group by making group chats with one or two of my friends, making sure to not add the friends she doesn't like, trying to take their place. I don't want my other friends getting involved with her, that's how bad it's gotten. She makes me so uncomfortable. At lunch she insists that I sit closest to the wall, and she sits so close to me that we're touching and I can feel her breathing, even if nobody else is in the booth, leaving multiple feet of space on her other side. She then begins to scoot nearer and nearer to me as the period goes on, squishing me against the wall. I don't like how she tries to intrude on our friend group and how uncomfortable she makes me. I don't know how much longer I can deal with this, but I'm much too scared to try talking to her about it. Please help before I EXPLODE!
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You can not change another person so the only action you can control is what you do about this. First off, a friend, a true friend is not a user, a leech, always a one way deal in their favor. I can't say wether its a chosen behavior or if shes got some kind of social developement issues. And it doesn't matter, what matters is that you don't like it. So the best thing you can do is to talk to her about how it makes you feel. Its only fair. Imagine someone avoiding you and you wondering why? She will likely wonder too if you refuse to spend time with her. Since you are too scared to talk to her face to face, write a letter and have someone else deliver it to her or send your message by text. While not the best way to handle this, it will let her know how you feel. Personally, if someone was squishing me up against a wall and pressing so hard against me, I'd wonder if they had a couple of screws loose in their brain. That is not normal behavior, not even if she is gay and hot for you. There are better ways to leave clues in case she wants you for a romantic relationship. You are not a psychologist and shouldn't have to deal with people that those Drs do because we really can't help a person who comes in our lives but has major issues.
I think why you are scared of her is because I know I would be due to her outrageous behavior, always pushing the limit, unpredictable as shes always doing something outrageous and I would be wondering if she does have some kind of mental issue where she might get angry at me for not wanting her around anymore. Staying quite though is not good as people like this will keep taking advantage of you and believe me she may not give up so easily if you did stand your ground. I'd come up with a written list of all the things she is not allowed to do anymore if she wants to spend time with you. She has to agree to it. Text is okay but its better to have a sheet of paper she reads the rules and signs that she promises to do so. That way if she ignores it and trys to go back to her old ways, you can show her the paper, remind her she agreed and has no more chances and you ask her to stay away from you. If she doesnt listen, call in authorities if older or if a minor, tell your parents, and school counselors that she isn't respecting your wishes and she bothers you.
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You can't control whether or not your friends like her or decide to be her friend. All you can do is deal with how feel about her. There's a possibility that she may be totally oblivious to the fact that there is an issue with her behavior and that she's pissing you and others off either that or she does know and is used to pushing people around.
In any event you need to stick up for yourself and tell her that you don't like how she treats your other friend and how she's been behaving all around and that you don't see the point of a one-sided friendship where she can take advantage of you. Why be scared of her? There's not much she can do except act angry. She cannot hurt you physically.
Until you stand up to her she'll continue what she is doing. You have every right to stand up for yourself and tell her what you think. It may make things a lot better for you both and your group of friends.
I think she intrudes on this group is because she wants to be included and knows no other way to make that happen than what you have illustrted here. If you are afraid of her reaction try Facetime and have things out with her. That way you can hang up if she gets abusive. You need one way or the other to have a conversation no matter how awkward it may be or nothing at all will change.
This has been bothering you for a very long time so it needs to come out. One thing you may want to consider is asking a parent, teacher or other trusted adult first how they would recommend you approach talking to her about her behavior. Even a older sibling or cousin might have ideas on how to approach this using as much tact with her as possible.
If you can't communicate problems to someone who is a friend no matter what the issue is you really can't sustain a friendship with that person. Maybe if you two chat you might be able to work together to healing a situation or if that's not possible move on from something making you totally miserable. The thing is unless you talk to her nothing is going to shift one way or another in the relationship.
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