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Abusive Father?
What do I do with a dad who is verbally and sometimes physically abusive? He's threatening to take me out of the only school that's ever made me happy and he already took me out of all of my extracurricular activities
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If your Dad got a job out of the school district, in another city or even another state, then that is good reason to remove you from school. I say that just in case this story is blown out of proportion. You did say threatening and I can understand that. I was first married to a man who was verbally abusive. The most physical my ex got was to shove me out of his way rather than ask me to move so he could pass by. But he never had done that earlier so I suspect that wasn't going to take long to appear. I left. I understand a child or teen, anyone under 18 doesn't have the right yet to make adult decisions to fix the situation. I will tell you what I learned, its never the fault of the person being picked on. Its the abuser who either was abused themselves in the past or they have some mental issues, drinking problems or have always just been negative mean terrible people from childhood on. Since you are not an adult, you need to alert other adults of the problem. Talk to school counselors, any family you're in touch with, your mom if she still lives, an aunt, grandma. You shouldn't be embarrassed to tell such awfull stories as they are the truth and no one will look down on you for it. An adult will need to contact CPS, child protective services or the equivalent in your area. This agency looks into reports like this. My youngest granddaughter had bruises all over and teacher noticed and CPS got involved.
So I can share what I learned. These days, CPS is more concerned about helping the adults to become good parents so they address the issues of what is causing a person to be abusive to children. In my case, it is mental health issues and the parents ordered to get a psych evaluation and take parenting classes and while this was going on the granddaughter was in temp foster care. They then had another child and the mom said she couldn't handle two so the grandaughter got to go live with her birth father who is remarried and her step mom is very nice and they live in my area. I had at the time read much about CPS and parents who are abusive. Even if a parent has mental health issues, they are all about getting the parents help and on steady daily meds and when the change they want to see is obvious, the child goes back to the parent. I feel its important you know this because most children who are suffering abusive still love their parents, so they are not very likely to report them for fear of losing their parent and that is very seldom the case. However there may be temp foster care needed. If afraid of even where you might end up if this is the cased, you will want to tell any favorite relatives in case they would take over your care til Dad is doing ok and ready to be a loving parent. Maybe, you have a close friend whose family knows you well and likes you. I had a couple of daughters friends I told them they felt like another daughter of mine. That would also be an ideal situation, with not having to change schools.
So please tell someone. Your health depends on it. What I found out as an adult being verbally abused for almost 30 years, is that there is los of stress from the verbal and physical abuse. Stress has to go somewhere. I was choosing to stay because of children we had but I was an adult who could make decisions on my own, The stress did not affect me mentally or emotionally as I had my close faith in God and did lots of prayer which kept my mind sane. However the stress has two choices, go to your head or affect your body. So I got every stress caused condition there is, like daily headaches, 3 migraines or 4 a year, all over b ody itchy stress rashes,, stomach ulcers, and more. I left him, got a divorce, met an exceptionally great man who is the total opposite.
So my story may have a happy ending but I am concerned that you have one too, a happy ending. If you do nothing, the stress will either make you start acting like a mental case or have severe emotional problems or health issues and I am sure you don't want to test if this is true by waiting. YOu need to reach out for help.
When you talk to people, make sure they know its nut just verbal but physical abuse as well.k I found no immediate help for adult women in my area that would take a female who was only verbally abused. Though everyone says and knows that verbal abuse is just as bad or worse because there are no bruises or worse to show physically, sometimes they just aren't equipped or trained in how to deal with it, even in todays age. However, what people can see, they will react to more, so play up on the physical abuse, show any evidence, whether video tape, scars and bruises, etc. If you need a grandma type to talk to again on here, I'd like to hear back how things are going for you once you start the process to get help.
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You have to understand that his behavior is repulsive and wrong. You are not the one causing it nor the fault of it. Do you know what is likely triggering it? Does he drink? Is there a mental illness or physical problem?
I think it's in your best interest to tell an adult you trust what is happening. Let them know that he's verbally abusive out of the blue and hits you whenever the mood strikes him. Let that adult be it a teacher, counselor, doctor, family friend or relative in on the truth and they'll find ways to handle your father and see that you both get help. It takes courage but you need to make this known as he will get worse.
As far as your schooling goes make it known to your teachers his threats to remove you from there and that he's forced you to drop every single one of your after school activities they are professionals who will know who to get involved to clear up this situation.
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