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Betrayal
I’m experiencing some trust issues with 2 girls I call friends. Imagine this , being in the same high school with your sister who is a senior; you a freshmen. Everyday your in the cafeteria she comes to talk to you, when she walks past the 2 girls watch her and hide their laughter as if they’re making fun of her or have an inside joke about her daily appearance or clothes. I don’t know what to do about it or how to treat them if they are laughing at and disrespecting my sister. How should I sneakily find out if they are laughing at her, and what to do if they are? These aren’t the kind of girl friends I could approach and ask or confront about if they were laughing at her, and they definitely aren’t going to take me seriously or they might laugh at me behind MY back. This also feels like a disrespect to me and they all have sisters too and I will never make fun of theirs.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
It doesn't matter why they snicker and make fun of her or her clothes. I was 20, married and walking in a mall with my husband when two teen girls looked at me, scanning me briefly head to toe and both breaking up in laughter as they continued on. I only looked quick to make sure I didn't have a button undone or zipper unzipped but otherwise didn't let it bother me. I didn't know why they might have acted that way then but I have a good idea now. I will share that with you as it will help you to overlook minor things others would let fester. It has beee scientifically proven the the frontal lobe of the brain in teens is far behind in the changes they are going through, with bodies maturing or at mature state. This part of brain doesn't mature until around the mid twenties. You can look this up on line if interested or ask me for a link if you cant find and want to read it.
This immaturity of the brain does affect how one treats others, making snap judgements, bullying, making decisions or takingk action before imagining down the road the possible repercussion of making those choiceds and who else might be affected by it, etc. At later reunions, I found that people who very stuffy, unfriendly were now very nice wonderful people. I wouldn't hold how someone acted before age 25 or so, against them if they truly did change. You can ask as someone suggested if your sister is aware of this and ignoring them or if at times she is alone that they are bullying her somehow. OF course, at that point any bullying needs to be reported to school officials. This is most likely teens just making stupid dumb moves and not caring how it might affect others, especially in your case since they know its your sister.
I don't know what you consider friend material, but when I was your age, my friends did not treat my siblings or parents badly or make fun of them. This is a very basic value. We are usually taught in some way or another as kids to treat others well and I remember this even from Disneys Bambi where Thumper says his Mom taught him the following: If you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all. And just the looks and snickering is enough to be as bad as saying something that isn't nice. So I imagine it is also partly a rebellious choice to act that way. With friends like this whom you fear might start doing the same to you, you certainly don't need any enemies as the saying goes because they already are also treating you with disrespect, at the very least by doing so openly in front of you. My guess, which I am sure you don't want to hear is that they are just waiting to see how you will react. Some mean people feed off the reactions of others. They may even pretend to be friends to get closed enough to pull this off. Some people actually enjoy and feed off the anger or frustration or fear they instill in others by how they treat them. This sounds more like an enemy than a friend to me. I know we all want friends so badly at this age that often people will become friends with others who are nothing like them, rotten personality, no respect, a user of you, mean and spiteful and so on. I don't understand how anyone could want a friend soooo bad that they would allow a nasty person to be called friend. I waited when a friend moved away until I found a good friend again in my area and school rather than take just any old body who would spend any tiny bit of time in my presence and treat me or mine like crap which means they don't like you are treasure you. People flush crap down the toilet. And that is about where they are at right now. In fifteen years, they may be mature and very lovely people and at that point if you feel the draw to become close friends, no problem. Its just right now that its best to learn how to pick the best you can find at this age, for friends. YOu don't need a big group of friends, just a handful as I had who were true friends.
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Ask your sister outright whether or not these two individuals have been bothering her or not. Perhaps they aren't or your sister is smart enough not to let it bother her any. The worst thing you could possibly do is start something about your sister with them if there isn't proof or your sister doesn't want you to.
You could make a situation ten times worse for her and an instant enemy for yourself. Instead, ask your sister about the situation and how she wishes to handle it. You also don't know what exactly they are laughing about or even whispering and should assume nothing.
If something else is going on where you know for sure it is in fact bullying than standing up for her is right. You can tell your parents about what you have seen and teachers even anonymously and get adult help to intervene but for now start first by finding out from her what is going on because you don't have a grip on that yet or much to go on.
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