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I have to chose between my morals or my friends and I don’t know what to do
I have been friends with these girls for 10 years let’s call them C and S. just last year we started hanging out with another girl, let’s call her K. K is very dramatic and can be very harsh. Recently we have been hangeing out with a girl named A. One day K decided that she doesn’t like A and started talk very badly about her. Then S got influenced by that and started not liking her as well. They are both being very mean to her. Walking away when she comes, talking bad about her when she is standing right beside them. Recently it’s been really bad and I just never expected S to act this mean. I sort of expected it from K. But I just could have never predicted that S who is a sweet girl that never wanted to hurt anyone could be so mean and fake and careless of someone’s feelings. I am the only one that seems to not hate her there for they always leave me with her. Today K said that she can’t hang out with us as much any more because she can’t deal with A. She said that she doesn’t want to make us stop hanging out with A so she is just gonna step back. I thought that was a very mature decision. But the more she talk about it the more a realize that she is trying to manipulate us. It’s working on S but not me. She is trying reverse psychology. It went from I don’t want to make you stop hanging out with her to why do you even hang out with her, I hate the fact that she is making me do this. I’m worried that she is gonna make us pick between her and A. I know for a fact S will have no problem picking K but the soul fact the she might be making us pick makes me wanna pick A. It’s not like I’m closer to A or anything it’s just that I don’t agree with how they are acting. Like I know it’s normal not to like someone but they are being really mean and harsh about it. Today after K said everything, her and S walk away AGAIN and when we went to go follow them they started to walk fast and faster, then they started RUNNING always, A was calling S name but she just kept running, to make them stop I had to yell at S and she stopped because I had never yelled at her, it was just horrible. But I can’t lose S. I love her so much and I can’t leave her. What she is doing and how she is reacting I do not like at all. I just don’t know how to handle it. I want to talk to them about it but I have tried multiple times but they are not really listening and now there is this tension that won’t go away between us. I have never fought with S ever and I can’t handle it. She has changed because of K and I don’t like it but I’m not just going to leave. I almost want to not lose them completely but she them that I don’t agree with what they are doing in a way that they will really listen. I just don’t know what to do pls help because so have a feeling that if I don’t figure it out soon im going to do something I regret
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The only one you didn't mention throughout was C. Only S is following and acting like K. What about C? If she is hanging out with you and A, then theres the three of you to have fun together. On the bright side, I have to pay you a compliment hon, as you seem to be very mature and the fact that this behavior bothers you shows that you have higher morals than K and S. I don't know your age but generally people make bad decisions like this more when they are young and haven't reached their mid twenties. The reason being that though our bodies begin to mature at puberty and very quickly can work at mature levels as far as sexually or strength doing work, the last thing to mature on our bodies in the frontal lobe of brain. Part of its job is helping a person make good decisions. The bad part is this part of brain doesn't mature until the mid twenties. Those who did drugs or drank early on, have their brain development impacted forever as this last part of brain won't mature properly and they will act like teens the rest of their life. You show a great maturity no matter your age. Just know that likey your friend S may have some time of going down the wrong path before she wakes up. All you can do is pray for her if you are the praying type and talk to her and let her know that at any point in time, if she wants to spend time with you in the future, that the doors are always open and you will always accept her back without any complaints or questions. But you will not associate with K as she is not the type of person who fits your standards in life. You might also say that just because K doesn't fit you as a friend doesn't mean she won't fit her, S. Because you realize S is not a carbon copy of you. At least I would say that last bit to make sure she doesn't feel offended Or you can say that all in your own words.
Just so you understand, there is nothing you can say or do to make S change her mind. This is something she needs to learn for herself. We all make bad errors in judgement, especially younger people, not seeing clearly what is right and wrong. How we treat others should be the same as we wish to be treated ourselves but she is not in a place of being able to see that or perhaps doesn't really care. Don't worry, growing older does a lot for bringing about good change in people as I noticed in seeing classmates at a 4oth HS reunion. Those who were indifferent to me or mean were now very lovely people whom I enjoyed. Some of us are mature at a younger age as yourself which tends to be the exception as most mature much slower. You will need to be patient and wait for however long it takes. So I wouldn't say S is gone and lost forever to you. I just can't say how long it will be for her to wake up and see what she is doing or realize she doesn't want to act this way. Change and the want to change for the better must come from within or else the change is just an act, not something the person learned, just mimicking you or others and will not last or be inconsistent at best. Its like the saying that You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink it. You can just stick to your morals and do what you know is right and that is for her to see you do, like the horse sees the water. But you can't force her to want to make a better choice, just as one can't force a horse to take a drink of water. I know it is frustrating and you also realize you would be cheapening your whole self, personality and all by caving in just to be with S. I know it sucks but unfortunately that is a part of life. I am grandmother age and have a sister doing the wrong things as far as her health care and stubbornly wont listen to her Dr. her kids, husband or me. So all I can do is enjoy time spent when she is feeling ok and not discuss her health. Shes 9 yrs younger and is such worse health than me and I fear she will die long before me. But there is nothing else I can do. So I know frustrating and being unable to make a person choose better and more wisely. I wish you the best dear and thanks for writing in.
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