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Being gay in conservative family
16 year old lesbian. I tried to search the internet, but no one has a situation quite like mine so it seems. It's complicated as to how my family learned I was gay, but let's just say I didn't tell them on my own accord. In my community, I find acceptance from friends and acquantainces, even strangers. But my family just doesn't want to acknowledge it.
They don't reject or disown me, but my dad keeps talking about boyfriends and husbands, and the best my family gets would be "spouse" or "partner" and the talks of me being straight one day or bisexual, basically treating being lesbian as a phase. The bisexuality makes it so lucid that they don't dislike me liking girls as much as they dislike me not liking boys-that I will never be in a "normal" relationship/marriage. They treat girlfriends like friends, etc.
As a 14 year old who didn't really accept herself, I didn't mind, but now I'm so over it, I'm over being the closet monster of the family if that makes any sense when I'm literally not doing anything wrong.
My question really is how I get people to acknowledge what I am and stopping it from being seen as a passing phase or some quirky teenage rebellion thing.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Hon, there is nothing you can do to change their mind or outlook on the situation. God has given each of us a free will and how we think is part of that. So if there is to be any change on their part, it must be generated from within them, their wanting to change their outlook. When I was young and naive, I simply believed what my very conservative church told me , being gay was wrong, the people should repent and if transgender and they had sex change operations, that people should pray for a miracle for God to transform them back to the gender they showed at birth. It took me a few decades of coming across info on my own. I think the most convincing thing is when it is a scientific fact presented on the same sex attraction thing. That's what finally made me see I was wrong.
Farmers who grow livestock know that it is not a choice but a way people are born because as they watch their stock to choose the best males for breeding and increasing their herd or flock, they will always see some male animals that only try to mount other males. Those animals are not good for breeding if that is the farmers main business, selling livestock. So they sell the ones they can't breed with for slaughter to be used as food for people. I can't remember where I found or heard this twice in my life but you might try searching the internet for it. Finding a gay friendly church would be a great thing and you may be able to get suggestions of any other info like this to leave around for the parents to read or simply show it to them. But the deciding to change their stance must come from inside and if they have hardened their hearts stubbornly to pick and choose what they assume are truths, all you can do is pray for them. Once you are 18, you are an adult but if living at home still, its their house and their rules so if they say no are welcome there, thats their rule you must follow if choosing to live under their roof. If I were you, I would start networking with other gay people now, even older than you and find others who will be looking to get out of parents home, and finding gay people to become roommates together. THis would mean requiring a job with some income to cover your part of rent if life at home becomes unbearable at worst case scenerio. I highly recommend a gay friendly church as there may be someone who will take you in for little or no rent as an inbetween situation until you get on your feet. Life at home wasn't bad for my straight eldest daughter when she turned 18, she simply wanted to start on her independance from us and first stage was living elsewhere for her. So she asked at her church and pastor mentioned it and an older lady took her in.
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