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I dont want to stay together and work with a friend i have known since chil
Hi ....I am from India. I have known a friend since childhood and studied together stayed in same room for 4yeas. Although during this time we had so many fights, misunderstandings and moments when I felt to completely seprate from her. I don't like some of the things about her behaviour but because both of our families were family friends I continued compromising and may be she too comprised.
Now, college is over and I got job. She called me today and was asking about the firm where I will work. I felt that she too want to work there and if she did I would have to stay together with her bacuse we are family friends(that a typical Indian thing) and I don't want that because I want to stay away from her. I want to ask that is it wrong to think like that for her? It is making me feel confused and hate myself for thinking like that. I feel that I should not think like that and accept her as she is but on the second hand I don't want that....what should I do???
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
There is nothing wrong with you for feeling forced to be a friend to someone you have never thought of as a friend, have little in common with and just plain can't stand being around this person because there are too many things different about you. You already know this is true. Sure friends may disagree sometimes, so do married couples but the trick is to find people with whom you resonate, people who understand who you are deep inside and you understand them the same. Something is wrong with a friendship match or even a courtship or marriage if the two have too many fights and misunderstandings. I am sad to hear that it is a custom to automatically be expected to be a close friend with someone just because their parents are friends with your parents. This is not good. You are being assigned a person to be friend with regardless of whether the two make good friends.
People can have such a thing as chemistry as I call it, you immediately enjoy being in their presence, feel their energy which feels good, and you both are very interested in what the other has to say. I know how you feel of wanting no contact with her. My husband and I are friendly and helped a homeless woman living out of her car to jump the battery, to get her car restarted, she began to follow us around like a lost dog, she'd drive around to our normal places we'd be, where he works, a church we volunteer for a feeding program for the homeless, our favorite coffee shop to use our computers, where we shop, etc until she finds us or she'll call and hope we answer. We have loaned her money, because we are nice, kind and believe in caring for people who come across our path but neither of us have anything in common with her and when away from her, both of us will say how she is driving us crazy. She calls us her friends but I am not her friend, I only behave friendly. I know how irritating it can be. If I act colder or indifferent to her, she doesn't pick up on it so i am not sure what to tell you. i have the feeling that one day, I will have to face her and spell out what I see the issue being, that we have nothing in common. So I am afraid you may have to do the same some day. There is no easy way to do this. It may put you in a bad place with your parents. When you were a child and that whole family came over, yes I understand being nice and entertaining the other child, like a good hostess. But now that you are an adult, you should be able to choose whom you want for friends, not be told you have to because they are family friends. You may want to talk to the parents too. If you live at home with them, bringing this up might make more trouble for you. They may hear of it eventually if you have that talk with the other girl. I assume she is an adult herself now? She should no longer feel obligated to be your 'friend' either. Let her know that in all these years, you were friends while children because her parents came over to your house. I remember plenty of the same and I never became friends with any of those children, never ever but I treated them with respect as humans should be treated. Its only that some are greedy and expect more than that and want to squeeze it out of you.
Who ever is your Higher Power you believe in, around the world some things are the same and all beliefs talk about how to treat other people. It doesn't say you have to become very close friends with every person you meet. I feel for you because I face the same thing and I am much older as the woman is too, late 50's early 60s. This happens at any age as you can see. So let the girl know how you feel that neither of you are a great match for friendship and it is okay with you if she goes her own way as you plan to do the same.
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