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Breaking the trust of 4 of my friends
I’ll be using fake names to make the story easier for everyone to understand. So I have a male friend named Bob who I became very close to and considered a brother. He trusted me with a secret about sleeping with one of my friends lets name her Sally. I swore to him I wouldn’t tell anyone.
I have two other friends we can name Jane and Jess. I ended up telling Jane and Jess about Bob sleeping with Sally. Jane ended up telling Sally. Sally went to Bob and told him that I had told Jane and so Bob went off on me saying these very disrespectful things and belittling me. So in an effort to defend me Jane went to talk to Bob to let him know hes the one who messed up. In return Bob ended up exposing me and telling Jane that I had told him that Jane and Jess were both pregnant, something I swore to those 2 I would never tell anyone.
So now all 4 of them hate me and I dont know what to do. I sent a sincere and genuine apology individually to them all except I think Sally blocked me because mine did not deliver. I got no response from anyone. This all went down on Tuesday so im not sure if they just need time to heal or if they’ll ever forgive me but I feel hopeless at this point. I might add that I am in a sorority with these girls so ive been avoiding seeing them. Bob is also in a fraternity that hates me because he told them what I had done.
Do you guys think they’ll ever come around to reaching out? Or am I wasting my time having false hope thinking they just need time? I really wish I could fix this.
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I am glad you added the ages, because frankly, the behavior you described had me thinking middle school or high school. Don't worry, I don't think that is terrible, its just something that comes with the territory of people who haven't reached their mid twenties or a bit later. Here's what is really going on and what made you take a decision to do something that really wasn't good at all.
So what it is about is the frontal cortex of the brain is the last thing to mature in a person, long after the body has matured. This means your decision making process is going to be messed up until you grow older. A person can be pretty mature and still screw up. That was me. I was a mature teen but on a few occasions, I made some really dumb decisions. I found the best thing to do is until I was in my late twenties or older, to use an adult I trust as a sounding board. You know if you told an older adult that you were told something in confidence and were thinking of telling your two friends who know the person who told you a secret, ,that you would be told not to do it. The problem is that we can only think about the act and not reason out in our mind the multiple ways there could be repercussions down the road after we take a certain action. You could mention this to friends and that is why you made such a mistake. Look it up on line yourself with the search for 'Frontal lobe in Teens" to get the info. You've said you are sorry but if they realize that not only you but they also are handicapped in decision making until mid 20s or later, maybe that would make a difference.
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