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Can I still be a good father someday?
i love babys
I like them when they laughing and playing with me
But when they make a loud sound and crying i hate them and i just want to throw away them.
What should i do?can i be a good father in the future??? Will my baby love me?
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I don't know what your father was like but try to use your imagination. lets say your Dad loved babies too as long as they were smiling, laughing, gurgling and playing quietly. then the moment you cried because you were in pain cus you had sores on your butt from the last poop and it was really burning, Dad only knew he hated the crying and wanted it to stop and so it has been documented that some parents, both mom and dad who couldn't handle the crying, would flip out and do something really drastic, like choke the baby to death, or wrap in a blanket and place in a garbage dumpster, etc.
Now would you even have been able to have your current life, if your father had acted in such ways to your crying over diaper rash, teething pains or gas in the tummy? The answer is no. If this is the first child, it is strange new territory and quite frightening to have such a little life totally dependent on you.
The reason babies were created able to cry is because they can't speak yet to let you know something is wrong. Even when they start a rudimentary language, they still don't have enough words to let you know what is wrong. Or maybe they can talk but don't know that a symptom you can't know about, should be told to a parent such as when a daughter was 5, and acting sick and we thought maybe a virus or flu and she got worse to the point she had a raging fever, the only symptom we could learn for ourselves and took her to Dr. who discovered a very bad bladder infection.
Then there is babies spitting up, and they can't control it, I had a first child whom the Dr. said had projectile vomiting caused by gulping too much air down as they drank milk as a baby, the air trapped beneath the milk in their tummies made it come shooting out and it could go quite far. No, it was not pleasant and trapped air could make the child fuss. I learned to only give a tiny bit of milk and then burp the baby by patting the back til I got a burp and then continued, not stopping once to get a burp half way through but more like 6 times or so. It made the feeding process more of a hassle but as she got older, this problem disappeared It is stuff like this that is the not so nice and easy stuff about being a parent.
You say you may love babies and i beleive you do. However I need to ask you if you know about conditional love and unconditional love. It starts at the beginning of any relationship, not 5 years or more down the road. this applies as well to couple relationship as it does to parent/children.
Conditional love would be what you are talking about, the conditions being that you will feel love and treat the child lovingly as long as they are happy and smiling. Unconditional love means that no matter what they do, laugh cry drool, poop, play, you love them and don't lose patience with them, you understand they have a need and just need your help. Some kids will cry and not go to sleep if a parents always holds them til them fall asleep and the parent is at fault for training them to only go to sleep this way. Then the parents have to untrain them, by putting the older baby, toddler in their crib and leaving them to learn to fall asleep on their own all while they are screaming their heads off for more than an hour. You peek in to let them see you and tell them its okay and to go to sleep but you dont go in and have to listen to the crying continue. I didn't do that wrong, but when ill for a couple days, I did rock them to sleep in my arms and just a couple days brought on that action from the kid so I have experienced it.
You may have not grown up in a household where you were able to learn the difference in love and know that unconditional love is the kind your child needs from you. If you find you can't do it by sheer willpower, then it is best to go get some counseling, parent counseling and join a parenting group, get a parenting book or two. It helps to talk to others and see your not the only one, that it is normal to get quite frustrated at times, but to not treat the child any worse for what is normal for them, crying to communicate they don't like something or are hungry wet or hurting. I watched a granddaughter who half way through, woke up crying, I tried the bottle, checking the diaper which was try, patting her back for possible trapped air and she continued to cry. In the end, she was still wearing a sleeper and bundled in a blanket from early morning when it was still colder in the house and as I took her out of the blanket and her jammies to put on regular clothes, I discovered she was hot and sweaty. She was only crying to let me know she was too hot and it was the only way she could communicate that and experienced as I was, I still didn't think of it. You get to become a sleuth, a regular Sherlock Holmes and try to figure out the mystery of why a baby is crying. Other than a way older child being spoiled and trained by repeated experiences the wrong behavior, a child always has a good reason to cry, and sometimes its as simple as they are tired but want to stay up and not miss anything like the parents can do. I did that as a kid, wanting to stay up long after I was tired and so when tired, a child gets cranky or cries.
Yes you can be a good father, not in the future, but now when your child needs you. But that means you need to do more than confess to me, on line here and reach out in your community for support and help and be willing to learn. If you aren't willing to ask and learn, then no, you will not be a good parent, raise a kid messed up by your parenting mistakes and a possible future involved with child protective servics as a worst case scenerio. I will tell you from experience in extended family of mine, even if a parent has mental health issues, as long as they take parenting classes, see a mental health specialist, get better or stay on needed meds, the CPS is all about getting kids back to their parents, whether mentally ill or not. But as I just shared, parenting classes you are forced to attend then, or choose to do it now, everyone needs to do this. I took classes, I talked to all mothers. ONe mother of a child older than mine in her sunday school class got to see the same trait, not a good one, in my youngest as she'd had to deal with in her oldest back at the same age. She asked if I would like to know how she had handled it in case it might help. I wasn't too proud, I eagerly accepted her suggestion and the problem disappeared in record time. Babies loved unconditionally, a lot like the family dog loves their master even if they aren't getting the perfect care. As a child grows older and can see for themselves that life for example is much better at all their friends homes, they realize something is wrong at home and they may learn to lose that love. Love is like a bank account where you have to make deposits to be able to expect a withdrawal of 'love'. This is also very true for couple relationships. If you want to be loved but in years time have never put in any love, you won't get love out of your child. Of course, kids don't have fully formed brains able to make the best decisions until they turn about 25 or so. This means they will do things wrong, sometimes willingly and try to do anything to get their way, including yelling at you that they hate you when not getting the cereal or toy they wanted. I never gave in t o this and recognized it as they last tactic to get what they want. I always explained the why we wouldn't give them the toy or whatever they wanted as if explaining to any adult, whether the kids could understand yet. I will leave you with a funny example of this. When we couldn't barely afford more pull ups when potty training and get a toy for daughter, we told her that we did not have enough money to get anything extra if we struggled just to get pull ups. A few days later we drive past a grocery with picketers out in f ront holding their signs. When she asked what the signs were for, we explained as we thought she'd understand and boil it down to basics, told her they wanted more money. She got a bright happy face and turned to her Dad, "Daddy, you could make a sign and hold it and then you can have more money!" She wasn't even in school yet but she understood lack of money. Just didn't understand that her Dad making a sign and joining the picketers would not work as he isn't employed there.
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