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My future daughter in laws bridal shower
My son is getting married next month
I met my future daughtet in law 6 times, met her mother only once, we all seem to get along great, I recently asked my son if his fiancée is having a bridal shower( I live in my, they live in Oregon, I work in the airline business so no problem hopping on a plane to visit them,anyway my son told me the following date of the shower, which is today- sept 14 and it’s also my 60th b day
but my son said it’s going to be a small shower, I asked him any invitations being sent out, he said no, I flew all the way up to Oregon for the shower thinking it’s ok cos I’m the grooms mother, purchased a beautiful shower card along with a $500gift card, spent money on a hotel room, future daughter in law picked me up the shower was held at her sisters house whom I never met, got there today, both mother and sister very cold to me, lots of other guests, big shower, I was nice to all
I found out by another guest that invitations were sent out. I never got one, I wasn’t invited, I was so upset about this, felt I wasn’t even wanted , I took an Uber after 1 hr of being there and went to my hotel, called my son, he didn’t know about the invitations either
Was it right for me to leave, been crying all day
Haven’t heard back from my future daughter in law at all
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Oh you poor dear. The heartache you must feel and I'll bet you're not getting the best sleep with this on your mind. Oh and Happy Birthday, I am 60 also and have experienced heartache with oldest daughter, different situation, but I know how it feels. The thing is, there isn't anything I can do to change the situation, she's cut herself off from the entire family, cousins included. It isn't any different for you but I'll explain in a while.
Most Bridals showers I know of have both mothers in attendance, other family if close enough to come like aunts, grandmas and female cousins and then friends. So for you to assume you were invited, invite lost in mail, etc... I understand. You did nothing wrong by showing up.
Now I will share my take on this and what I think is going on. The daughter in law did pick you up at airport and she's had 6 times before to meet you. If you think back, she most likely has been genuinely kind and nice every time. If for some reason she didn't take a liking to you, it would have shown for sure early on. You met the other Mother once and thought you got along well. I am thinking its possible that for some reason, she didn't like you and the one time you met, she simply put on an act.. Since the second time seeing her was the shower, her actions of acting cold tell the story. She does not like you at all. The other daughter is simply supporting and siding with Mom and I don't think she is the problem but if she doesnt have a change of heart, she may become a problem too.
I will share a similar experience I had where someone hated me without a reason. I laarned this lesson early and it was very obvious in my case so that is why I am telling you the story. My sister Valerie had a friend at HS named Rita. She was not friends with Rita's sister Shelly. Shelly was a Junior, I a senior and sis and Rita were Sophomores. I had never met Shelly but everyone in school knew of her from her dance group performing many times through the school year at assemblies. Remember, Shelly and I had never met face to face ever before. When she decided to tag along with Rita and showed up in our backyard, I went out to say Hello to Rita whom I saw often and she was friendly and also to say Hello to Shelly and paid her a compliment on her dancing. She was good. I didn't linger long or try to hang with them but went back to my room. After they had left, my sister came and told me that SHelly had told her that she hated me and told sis to keep me away from her the rest of time she was at our place. Little did I know this. Shelly showed no such expressions on her face. I didn't take it personally because I knew, it was obvious I had done nothing wrong, (same as you) hadn't even met Shelly before and she couldn't stand me at first sight. It doesn't happen often in life but it happens. Most people can avoid someone they meet whom they just don't like. Tf you are honest, there are people in your life that simply being in their presence, grates the wrong way on you. I know it to be true for me, yet I am kind and treat them well, but I don't go out of my way to spend time with them as it would drive me nuts. We have such a person in our life right now, calls us her friends and we have absolutely nothing in common, its all about her and she won't listen to when we have news to shares, actually shushes us or talks over us and so on. With someone like that, it is easy to see why we don't like her but what is the problem when we haven't done anything wrong?
I have an idea. I think that our aura's or energy fields can be felt by others subconsciously. Also everyone has their own body scent, not saying someone stinks but its about no perfumes, lotions, nothing scented, just the natural chemistry and pheremones of a person. These are also able to be picked up on, without another consciously being aware of it. Its like the sweat of a one person so gross you have to hold your breath and move away quickly while another who is dripping in sweat smells like sweat but it is not offending. I am using extremes to explain that. You don't have to be sweaty at all. When I met my 2nd husbands teen daughter over 1o year ago, the first thing she did is come up to greet me with a hug and sniffed at my neck which I found odd at the time but she does this with everyone. She is not subconsciously, but consciously able to pick up on whether a person smells like members of family or not. Animals do this so its no different here. What I am saying is that when there is no reason for someone to take a disliking to you, this is likely the reason.
I am sure the daughter in law knew if her Mom told her, maybe your son knew or he was kept out of the loop by MIL, and told what she wanted him to think, that no invites were sent and the party was to be small.
Then there is always a chance that no matter how bewildered they were and couldn't understand the other mom, if both son and daughter in law knew, they didn't want your feelings hurt and may have discussed not telling you at all about the shower to protect you because they love you. She may have been stuck with a Mom who was planning and paying for the whole thing, maybe a bit of a control freak if she told everyone you were not to be invited and everyone had no backbone to stand up to her. If the other Mom was in charge of invites she may have chosen or told the daughter that she didn't want you there.
The unfortunate thing is, we can't change others so you can't change how she feels about you. By now, you are probably fearing what will happen at the wedding. No worry, I have an idea for you to start practicing now. Even if you don't believe in auras and personal energy fields, just go with it.
Some peoples energy field is closer in to their body while others who are very open and friendly have a field that reaches out quite far and others in your presence will feel it. That is what I believe the other Mom and sis are reacting to. So the solution is to do something so they can't feel it.
When I learned of this, I tried an experiement and it worked. Without telling a friend, I visualized my aura/energy field as a colored bubble or cloud that extended out from me by usually 6 to 10 feet and consentrated on pulling all that energy back inside me so that not even an inch of it was showing outside my body in my imagination. You may think that just visualizing this won't help, but the mind is able to do amazing things and what I pictured doing, actually happened. Because this friend came up to greet me with a hug and immediately pulled back and said, "What's wrong, are you mad at me?" I had not changed the hug, it was an enthusiastic bear hug. I said nothing was wrong but they insisted something was wrong. See, the friend picked up on it. I started laughing at this point and explained what I had done so they didn't really think I was mad at them.
I am thinking that if you do the same thing, pull in all your energy field at the wedding, they won't be able to pick up on it and react to the feel of it. All they can do is remember they didn't like you in the past and choose to act on that. So to know it works for you, spend a couple of days, picturing your energy field that emanate from you looking as whatever you want, this part doesn't matter. Choose someone you have a great close friendship with and just before getting close to them, pull in all your energy and see what the reaction is. Some people may have long ago decided not to listen to their senses or say nothing about what they sense, that doesn't mean it isn't working. Keep doing this until you have someone ask you if you are okay, if somethings wrong, if they did anything wrong, if you are mad, or if you're having a bad day and are moody or cold towards them for no reason. It should be something like that. Of course explain after so they know all is okay. Then with confidence, attend the wedding and use this trick. It may help. If the daughter in laws family can't feel what they reacted to before, like an animal instinct, they may not react this time.
In the future, ask your son and his wife to be honest with you and let you know if there is a problem with someone in the other family not wanting you present for whatever occasion, a birthday,anniversary, Christmas, etc. Let them know if her mom doesn't come around, you'll be happy as long as you can see them. If they go to her Moms for Christmas, then celebrate Christmas separate with them before or after Christmas, maybe New Years. The actual date doesn't matter, its the time spent with family that matters. If you can tweak your mind to accept these things, stuff you really can't change in other, only changing how you think about and process stuff, then you will do well.
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