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High School Friendship Advice
So, I'm starting a new year at high school-
and wanna be in a group and shit like the others, but it's kind of hard because it's a small school and it's as if you have to be a certain type of person
or you have to be like them to join them? Wondering what I should do to be happy and comfortable in my school cuz SHIT broooo this fucking sucks ass a bit;
but thank you for your consideration and reply advice
I don't talk like this at school though in case you were wondering if it's just my lack of social skills. feek you- but I did move from Europe a few years ago so maybe I just still feel out of place... :/
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Its been a while since I was in high school but less time for my kids so I will share what I know from how they coped. I had all girls and while they may have had male friends at school, none had a boyfriend. Of their girlfriends, usually only one had a boyfriend. Every single one did not belong to any kind of group that you would think of as popular ones like the outgoing kids, popular for being rich or a bit on the side of doing risky things, then there was a group of the brainiacs, those who studied hard and always got A's, nope my kids werent in either. So that left the Goths, Emos, poor kids, ones from broken homes, nerds, from a different country or religion other than your traditional lutheran, catholic baptist type. Funny thing but just as in my time, this mish mash group was the largest group of all and it was out of this group that I found friends and my kids found friends. All that I asked of my girls is that they be themselves, not change who they are to be liked. Changing who you are to be accepted in a group means they don't really like you or respect you, and changing to get into a relationship and pretend to be what they want, ends up building resentment and eventual hurtful break ups. Its not worth it, I tried this as a teen in getting accepted for freinds, and also after i married to please my husband. It didn't work.
So it is best to be yourself.But don't wait for someone to approach you, do something. What you do depends on you. I know of a girl who started a club in grade school, she started one in HS, a club that did not exist before, one part of the clubs the officials approve of, advertise and any students with similar interests are welcome to join. I am an older adult and outgoing but started out with social anxiety in HS. I am cured of that and learned things along the way. About 905 of people are friendly and receoptive when approached but afraid to make the first move, not just as young poeple, as adults of any age. I went out to meet all my neighbors by knocking on their door, especially new ones moving into the neighborhood.
You might have no idea where I am going with this so I will make it clear, you don't have to belong to a group, all you need is self confidence, no fear of reaching out and being friendly for one thing. Smile often, great people by name and remember a smile means you are approachable and friendly. So that works in a small school. It may be too small for a variety of clubs within it. But find areas where you can help and support others. I was a teachers aide. A daughter was assigned as a study buddy to a developmentally delayed girl going to a regular school. Her school did lots of that since there wsan't much choices of schools for mentally handicapped.
They had friends, who were Jehovah witness and such, Pagans, the obese shunned kids, non athletics, emos, goth, underachievers, and so on. They learned how to be friendly and accepting of the person inside, no matter what other labels or garbage came along with.
As for having come from Europe, It may be real obvious to them that you are different from having been raised elsewhere, a different culture with different traditions. What you could try to help others want to get to know you and set home countrys or blood lines aside, is to see if any staff would like the idea of a cultural heritage day or party held at school. Its best if done as an asembly and on a school day rather than after. So once approved, kids all have to check on their heritage. There seriously is no one in the U.S. with the exception of Native Americans who can say they are Americans because they were born here. But where did their ancestors whose blood lines they carry, come from. I guarantee unless Native American, they come from Europe, Asia, Africa the UK, Middle East. Traditional costumes can be worn, traditional foods brought to a school wide potluck to ahare. Foods from same countries grouped together and bite size for tasting only pieces served. Some may know a few words or more in native languages but it would be great if teachers got in on this and came up with charts of simple words like yes, no, thank you, good morning tranlated into other languages. Maybe even items in a section of show and tell tables, displayed for others to see with adults watching over to be sure nothing is touched or picked up. For somewhere in the new school year to put this together, I know it can help bring d own the walls of percieved differences and show how interesting and non threatening other cultures can be, even if you are from Serbia, Germany, Ethiopia, etc. I know stuff like this was done when I was in HS but not quite on so grand a scale with the large school. It may be easier in a smaller school and teachers can use the opportunity to do a study on other countries and always use experiences from the cultural fair to refer back to for students. With teens, it is important that something like this be organized to break the ice and bring down the walls of what they put up between themselves and others, or to bring in a little change from the way things have always been which is like getting stuck in a rut. This is all I can think of to suggest. Making frieds with anyone, who might be labeled an outcast. I was for my social anxiety. It can be anything and nothing so big and bad that you wouldn't enough the friendships
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