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My mom let someone move in with us !
I am a 30 year old female and I still live at home with my mom , but I am very concerned because my mom is good hearted and willing to do anything for anybody that she can. I am vey concerned because my mom has now decided to take in a homeless man and let him live with us until he gets on his feet . my main concern is she doesn't know him. She just talks to him when she sees him hanging around Wal-Mart with his dog. Another concern of mine is that my 16 year old nephew and 18 year old niece that she has legal custody of lives in the house hold and I am concerned for their safety being that she does not know him . my mom seems to think I have been watching to many murder mysteries on tv. Am I over reacting or do I have valid concerns?
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Yes, you do have valid concerns. I can understand wanting to help a homeless person. But there is a limit to what a person should do. We tend to meet lots of homeless people as we are living in a home on wheels (van) by choice. We tend to meet those who seem to be good people, average folk like us, however on getting to know them over a years time, and I am thinking of two people, one male , one female, they are in our age bracket but thats the only similarity. Now that they know us, the woman follows us around in her car like a lost puppy dog. She talks a mile a minute and I thought I was bad. She's ten times worse. Both of us usually say 'oh no' to each other when we see her coming. It is an emotional drain. She wants an audience and someone to listen to her stories, many of which she repeats. The guy thinks he knows more than others, a know it all and he is always telling my husband, on any subject that he should be doing or using what he does. That no matter what brand of item, or plan we have for our future, that we are wrong and his way is better, why do we change and do it his way. So, no axe murderers here, but it is still a bad situation and would be worse to live together under same roof. You would not be able to escape the mental issues and how they act socially which are stressful to us. Neither would be people we choose to just hang with yet we can't seem to shake them off. In a house, even if it is thats worst you had, it would drive you all nuts and rob you of your peace. I have found that most homeless are either mental people not on meds or druggies. The rest are what I say appear normal but only a handful will be someone who fell on hard times. Such a person would be homeless a couple years before they get back on their feet, usually living out of their vehicle. But if someone is homeless much longer, there is a good chance there is a reason why they are. They were unable to find work or keep a job due to whatever mental or social thing that got them laid off. Their personal issues didn't go away, they were just let go. Lots of elderly can't afford and lost their housing and have no family to go stay with and start living on the streets. We know one woman like this, she is a very dependent person, unable to be an adult on her own or make good choices. When her husband died, she ended up in a vehicle for a home. It looks like the inside of a dumpster in her van, she was alcoholic to avoid thinking of her situation and a friend, only normal couple living in their vehicle that we know, knows her and said she just told them she was on hard drugs now. People living on the street who have a secret drinking or drug habit will try to get money any way they can. Usually homes are broken into and they are so far gone, most don't go for money but items they try to sell by walking up to someone on the street to buy drugs, or they steal from friends or from stores. So there is a chance you all could wake up one morning and find him gone along with everything of value that could be sold for money. We see the homeless starting to think less and less normal the longer they have been homeless. We pick up grocery carts for a food store that pays us to retrieve them after people walk their groceries home in them or the homeless grab them at the store and walk away with it putting their junk in it. We tell many people we need to take the cart and they need to remove their stuff. But more often, its a collection of junk, cardboard, rotten food, a pair of old shoes with holes in them, used needles, articles of clothing soaked by rain, a real mish mash and yet we see other homeless going through these trash filled carts, going look their 'new' treasures, pulling out junk to take with them. He could be harmless but there is no way to know. Also, there was no time frame mentioned as to how long to get back up on his feet. If he has no job, he needs to be hooked up with social services, for clothing, getting retrained for a new job, then working and saving up so he can have all the funds for getting into a place of his own. There are lots of dysfunctional people in the world, and some of them have homes as well so its not as obvious. THe first thing I think of is, that a background check should be done. How do you know otherwise that he is not an ex con or rapist in his past. We went once to interview to rent an motherin law apt annexed to a home. The owners vowed they would do a background check with us and from now on because their last tenant had been an ex con with many guns in his possession. In just cleaning them, if one had ammo still in it, he could have shot right through the wall into their residence, possibly hitting someone. I am not making up wild stories. A friend we knew was cleaning his gun when it went off and killed him and his wife called to tell us as they had moved far away. There are 3 females in your house including yourself. I know I would not want a strange man living with me if I was a female, becuase it would make me feel vulnerable. I don't know if he can easily hold back his urges and if he is horny one day, who would he take it out on? Maybe he is a vet and came back with PTSD, never got help for it so he wasn't fit to work or be in a relationship because of it. I have seen my son in law, an injured vet, totally lose his calm one day, get extremely angry as I was over to baby sit and he began to shake from head to toe as his voice rose and got louder. I was ready to panic but something told me to go give him a hug. I do beleive in healing energy like Reiki so I gave him a hug, and held on while praying and sending calming energy to him. He was trembling like a leaf at first but slowly he began to calm down. Some men with PTSD, don'tk even recognize you for the moment, only the scene of something from war and can without meaning to, hurt or kill a partner. He is getting help for it and it shows but such a person can be difficult to have close. If he ever does anything that causes you concern for your well being or anyone elses, you could always call the police. Since MOm invited him in, he isn't trespassing. If you don't like it, I am sure the officer would suggest you move out and get your own place. I know the economy is such that many couples with young kids still can't afford a place of their own and have to share a place with another family. Or singles need to number 3 or 4 to rent an apt sometimes. This is a possibility for you. The 18 yr old is now an adult and your Mom is no longer her legal custodian unless she has mental health problems or is disabled in some way where she will always need to be taken care of the rest of her life. She can also find work and be a possible room mate. The only issue is the nephew who is still a minor. If at any point he felt threatened or scared of this man, or feared for his life in any way, then he would need to call police. Every state has an agency that looks to the welfare of minors who can't legally do so yet themselves. So if they are being mistreated neglected, threatened, attacked, abused, etc... the agency will step in and MOm will have to be tested for competency to continue to be legal guardian. I don't know if there are any clauses to rules in your state as to who is allowed to be in the home if she is raising a minor. They may or may not have concerns about a homeless man living there. On the other hand, if the agency felt he was in danger there, they would do everything to get your Mom to change the situation, meaning make sure the man leaves. Their last choice is removing the 16 yr old from the home and finding foster care. YOu are old enough to do so. Don't know if there is any monetary compensation for doing so. So you might check into all that if the situation seems to become threatening.
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