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Getting too much attention.
Hi there,
I asked a similar question about being mistreated at work and got some great advice. I did some thinking and came up with a different point of view and thought it would be a good idea to ask a question from that side. MY QUESTION IS, WHAT COULD BE CAUSING THIS AND ARE THE POSITIVES WORTH THE NEGATIVES? IS THERE SOMETHING I CAN DO TO HAVE MORE POSITIVES THAN NEGATIVES? ALSO, IS THIS A NEGATIVE THING THAT IS WEIRD, OR IS IT SOMETHING THAT HAPPENS TO A LOT OF PEOPLE BUT I AM JUST NOTICING IT MORE BECAUSE I AM AWARE OF IT.
Here is some backstory
It seems like sometimes I feel hyper visible and overly scrutinized. Not just at work but in my personal life too It seems like no matter what there is always someone noticing something I am doing and taking it out of context, or I am being called out for something mundane that everyone does, simply because I am being watched when I do it. For example...
I was in a video conference at work. We were speaking with about eight other offices on video chat and a handful of people who were on their own computer in the same video chat. It was early in the morning and of the fifteen options to choose from and of the other three people in the room with me the director chose to stop mid conference call... to call me out...for yawning on video. Then a week later on another early morning call a manager does the same thing but this time it was because he thought I looked disinterested because I leaned back in my chair to stretch my back. There are often so many people in the conference video chat they all don't fit on the screen, but somehow I was called out two weeks in a row. Also I had a coworker who arrived ten minutes late and his phone went off twice during the call, Once was an ESPN notification and the other was a text message, both while the director was talking and no one said anything at all.
Another example is when I walked into a movie theater with friends I was telling a story as we came in and the lobby was loud and big so I raised my voice as we were walking in and a police officer immediately shoved me up against the door and reprimanded me for being too rowdy and said that I, "wasn't going to cause trouble while he was there.". I'm fairly new in town and I hadn't been to this particular theater. After I got in line the woman in front of me kept turning around to complain about people from the next town over coming to that theater and causing trouble (I'm from a totally different state) and she just kept accusing me of things and insulting me the whole time we were in line and since I kept ignoring her, she punched me hard in the stomach... Then I yelled at her and the police kicked me out. Out of all of the people in a loud crowded movie theater lobby these two people separately decided to attack me.
Another time I had a particularly difficult assignment assisting a team in Georgia. And as I was waiting in line at a restaurants outdoor window I was talking to coworkers about how difficult "Georgia" was referring to my assignment, and the guy in front of us turned around and got in my face and told me, “ Hey! I’m from Georgia” I responded with an, “Okay?” not understanding right away that he thought I meant the state of Georgia was full of difficult people instead of my assignment in Georgia was difficult.
I had a birthday party at a crowded restaurant and after appetizers and stepping out to have a phone call I tried to go to the bathroom but got followed to the door and kicked out because, "Bathrooms are for customers only" I tried to explain but the guy just kept saying he didn't care.
Generally speaking, I am often approached about minor actions and decisions and have to explain things even if they are very simple things. I've been given the option of having chaperones while shopping at certain stores or being told to leave...the chaperones rush me through the store and are very rude. I've been refused service at countless bars, even while with a group and showing ID.
Once I was passenger in a pretty dramatic car accident and the police and the mother of the lady my friend hit and all of the witnesses all treated me like I was the driver and completely ignored my friend the entire time. All totally ignoring what he and I were saying. All of the witnesses said that I was lying and that I was the one who was driving. No one said anything to my friend, who was actually driving. The insurance company even called me to ask if I was driving.
On a positive note, whenever a performer is looking for volunteers, it’s almost a given I will be selected. When I go to concerts I am usually able to get up close with the performer, or meet them before or after the show. If I’m ever in trouble someone usually shows up immediately (usually to blame me for the trouble but having someone who was following me show up, has saved me a few times). But I’ve gotten to meet a lot of musicians and actors that I am a big fan of. I also get targeted for freebies a lot. Plus I have really cool weird stories like this one.
This one is very weird, one time when I was in college working on my door to door sales job, I went into a religious supply store, and tried to speak to the very sweet woman behind the counter, but she didn’t speak English, so I used my cell phone to translate that I thought she was cool and that I would send an agent who spoke her language next week, and she grabbed my arm tight and I couldn’t get away and she put this oil on my forehead and starting praying loudly, then she smiled big and I said thank you and left.
I tend to dress in a pretty low key way. Lots of grey and blue button down shirts with no pattern. Sometimes I wear a flannel. I usually wear Chinos at work or jeans if I’m out and about. I’m a little over 5’8” and I’m about 200 lbs, but I’ve been told I look like I weigh a lot less. I cut my hair short, and unless I go home right after work I have a pretty smart looking messenger bag.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Random Weirdos?
What I actually need is a date, place and time of birth. This must be accurate, so talking to mom to get actual time of birth. I have someone I talked to as this is quite different and I believe you but I really do not have the expertise. My husband knows of a friend in his past who had the same stuff happen to him all the time. When he did check the friends astrological chart, something in there explained what was going on. I can't know who you are by you sharing this info. You will still be anonymous but he says it must be accurate or it won't work. For place of birth, if its a small town or it happened on the roadside, then you would give us the name of the largest town you were near to. If Mom doesn't remember for sure, ask her questions to job her memory such as 'what were you doing when you first had labor pains. Was it night or day then. How soon did you go to the hospital. Do you have any records with my time of birth on them. Sometimes Hospitals will give out a paper like this. To write back directly to me, go to the tab 'search advice columnists' and look for Dragonflymagic. Click and on my site is a button to ask a question. YOu can give your answer there. He will look it up for you and tell me what to write back to you.
All I can say right now personally is that I have never known anyone to have so much terrible stuff happen as far as being out in society. I can assure you this is not the normal thing for all people, only a few. I will be looking for your reply.
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