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friend group falling apart
16 year old female, going into Junior year. I know it's sort of dumb to worry about the school year when Summer just started, but I figure I need to get this over with early as possible so I can stop stressing.
I'm friends with a lot of people, I tend to get around. I do, however, have a group of people considered my best/closest friends who I mostly hang out with. It's been the same people, really, since Middle School (for some, elementary school) but High School has taken its toll, I guess, because my friends have been getting into fights with each other left and right. I personally am still friends with everybody and haven't been involved with drama which means I should be good, but it's the opposite.
Because I feel like all of my friends are not hanging out with each other anymore, and it seems like they are all moving on to other close friend groups and I'm still their close friends, and a lot of the people they hang out with I also hang out with but I'm not best friends with like they are. So what happens when they all get other close friends and I don't really have a clique anymore-or, it's all gone in a million directions.
TL;DR: close friends are getting into fights and joining other groups as a result, I'm worried about being left without one.
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Since I have no idea what is prompting the fighting, the one thing I can share is one thing that may be contributing to it for some of the girls.
I had three daughters so I know how the hormones so periods can effect girls. One thing is being more sad and crying easily for nothing. The other emotional extreme that the flood of hormones can bring is anger, lots of frustration, being mad or upset, and picking fights. The sadness doesn't effect others much but the fighting does.
Females tend to let out their anger for some unknown reason on females they see regularly, so its going to be Mom, sisters, or friends. If you all are 16, that is part of the time frame in which this happens. It doesn't seem to have the effect as much at puberty because hormones are just starting but the hormones increase as the body keeps growing into adulthood and those hormones are what cause this. I got a dose of crying and sadness when I went through it so many years ago. Of my three daughters, there were always two with the issues and I saw them beging to pick on each other, fight and say they hate each other. I had to explain that it isn't that the other is doing something wrong per se but that their hormones are making them extra sensitive emotion wise and they need to realize when this is going on within them, to not lash out at me, sisters or friends but to just say you need some time to yourself. Once the girl has calmed down, she can rejoin her friends. Perhaps you will get a chance to help bring peace and understanding on that one point.
Another reason that a friend group can split up is that as a teen, we are changing and growing character and personality wise. This happens through the college years even more. Friends we used to have much in common with, now don't due to our self, or them changing in some areas. It can be lots of little stuff or big stuff. Like maybe this is the point at which one decides to go Vegan for life and friends don't want to hang with her because she won't go for hotdogs, a Barbeque with hamburgers, or pizza, or whatever. It could be they radically changed some of their belief system this point, so they argue all sorts of things.
Some change is natural such as friends in college years, marrying and living out of state, going to college out of state, more personal change so there is nothing in common anymore. I have such a friend I kept in touch with by letters and later, email and now on FB. She and I are so vastly different now. I have continued to change and grow where she remained in a time warp and is exactly the same person I knew in school, no change. Anything I do share from my life now, she doesn't understand, questions why, and sometimes she is shocked and horrified. I had social anxiety and now will talk to anyone for example. She is still quiet, doesnt reach out and her kids, grandkids and husband are her life, nothing else.
I can not give any easy remedy to your situation as it involves the free will of all your friends, to either mature, learn, grow some tolerance and not react so quickly to others but many people resist change, even if more the better. All you can do hon, is try to be the peace maker. Work with one person at a time and find out if their issues are trivial or if there are more emotional outbursts. They may say something else is the reason why, but you are a good judge and will know if that was worth getting so extremely angry about or not. You could steer conversation to talking of hormones, without pointing out what may be going on for them at first, just mention yourself to start. People seem to listen easier to any piece of advise, insight or teaching I share if it doesnst seem like I am picking on their issue and I am better than them. The way to do so is to either share a true story of your own on the same subject, or make one up that makes you sound like you have gone through this is some way. I would make up a whopper of an untrue story if I had to, to bring peace. If I was young again and sharing about the hormone thing I would say, "YOu probably don't know it because I didn't show it but I had a period of time when my emotions got out of hand. I got angry or irritated over and over for no good reason. My Mom noticed and told me it was about hormones doing this to me. I was still a good person but under the influence of the change of hormones in me. Once I realized that. I was able to take time away to calm down and realize my Mom, sisters or even you guys, didn't really do anything wrong. If this is truly a big issue with your friends, then they may still be feeling it when school starts up again and yes, with their new friends too. The majority of any real issues causing this, are going to be the internal responses or thinking of the girls.
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