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im scared that my friend is going to replace me
so im going to make this as brief as i can. my friend and i are really close. he calls me his little sister and i call him my big brother. Brother now has a gf and im scared hes going to throw me away only to be used when he wants to go on a date with her. do i tell him how i feel or keep it a secret?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
The question is how long he has had the gf and how much or little time he has had for you during this time. You do not specify much so I can only guess. If he is seeing her often and hasn't had time for you, that scenario is quite common. When ever someone has a special new person to date, all of a sudden, the feeling it creates is something they can't get enough of. Its new relationship energy. Almost everyone does this. Luckily this kind of energy and fascination dies down to a more normal level after a little while. If this is the case, don't worry, you'll see him again.
Lots of people don't understand that there are two kinds of relationships, both have friendship but one has something extra, the chemistry to feel romantic towards each other. YOu can't force it to happen. Two people either both have and feel this chemistry or they don't. If he is dating another girl, I am sure he doesn't feel it for you, just the friendship part. As long as you have not secretly been liking him as more than a friend, it should be okay.
Lastly, if the new gf gets jealous easily and says something when he talks to you or spends time with you, there could be trouble. If he is strong enough to not buckle under a demand to not see you even if he says you're a friend, then it all de pends on what he says and does. If he is afraid of losing her, he will be forced to comply with her demand. This happens earlier in dating when we are just starting out, or are anywhere up through college age. At least that's my best guess of the range. He could also tell her that she is misunderstandng things, that you are a very close friend and he cares about his friends and wouldn't ever think of dropping them for any reason. He might tell her that there is no romance betwsen you two because there isn't that kind of chemistry between you two. He could draw the line and tell her this is the way it's going to be and if she can't handle it, she can break up. That is what a person with more life experience and lots of self confidence and no worries about being liked and accepted would do. However, no matter how wonderful a person is, we all have these fears and worries when younger so there is always a chance he may cave in if the gf makes demands and he wants to keep her. What we learn as we get older is that the right person for us is not going to try to change us, our friendships, our hobbies, etc. We will understand and accept the person just as they are, not secretly planning to try to change them in time. It can't be done anyhow. Change comes from inside a person. Yes, they can witness behavior in someone and want to be more like them. But it isn't the other person changing them, the decision is still theirs to want to change for the better and once they want to, they will carry it out. So if he does stop seeing you for a while, don't worry. Most relationships do not last long and once it is over, he will be hoping to pick up with you where he left off. In this, you are no different than his male buddies who had to wait for him to have time for them again as well. Telling him that you fear losing him, is useless to him. There is nothing he can do but tell you not to worry, that you won't lose him. But our subconscious mind is good as imagincing twisted scenarios and if you do not know how to control your thoughts, then no matter what he says, you will still feel this way. What you need is to stop those thoughts each time they appear, rather than dwell on them. Focusing on them will only make things worse in your head and heart. Sorry but this is all I can tell you.
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