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Fake friend?
Ok, this is a follow up to one of my past questions. My "friend" is acting really weird. In my other question, I explained how my "friend" has been leaving me whenever she sees someone cooler than me, and how it made me feel really bad. I thought the issue was getting better, but it ISN'T. Recently I went to see our local school's play, and she came with me. We got there, and soon after arriving, my sister left to sit with her friends. Just as the play was about to start, "friend" got up and walked over to my sister.I thought she was just saying Hi, but she never came back. Yep, that's right, she ditched me for my SISTER, and acted like everything was fine afterwards. Even my other friends began doubting if she liked me at all! I thought the issue was over, and now it's summer. "Friend" hadn't invited me over since the last day of school, and I thought we were finally drifting apart! Nope. She invited me to the mall and I accepted, only to realize she only invited me because nobody else was free. It only gets worse. "Friend" has a joke with my sister that they are "best friends". My sister came along, and right off the bat, "Friend" asks if she can sit by her "best friend" instead of me. she ends up sitting by me, but the whole ride she didn't even talk to me. When we got to the mall, she started trailing behind my sister and refusing to move. She refused to go to the stores I wanted and only wanted to go where my sister was going. I ended up hanging with "friend's" sister (who is actually cool) but it made me sad. We finished shopping, and arrived at the car. I started to hop in the back where I used to sit, but found "friend" sitting by my SISTER instead of ME. I Sat by "friend's" sister instead of her, but when we finally got to my house, she ended this horrible trip by screaming "BYE BEST FRIEND" and waving to my sister instead of me. Now I know this isn't just a one time thing, and it made me feel really bad. I have the worst conscience, so I don't want to tell her I don't want to be friends anymore. What do I do??????!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Again, Dragonfly is on point. Friends by definition are not being nice to you only when others are unavailable. There is a fidelity of loyalty. It is important to have your own boundaries on what kind of behavior is worthy of your attention and loyalty. Conscience is supposed to nag you when you have been disloyal or hypocritical -- NOT make you feel guilty when you are treated badly and call it like it is. Be brave and refuse bad friendship. If she doesn't approve that you have your own rules about friendship rather than accepting whatever she gives you -- well, that is not something that should trouble your conscience. :~)
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If what you are doing, like accepting her invites, doesn't work, you simply do the opposite which means no longer accepting any invitations. You know by now that this girl is indeed a fake. There is nothing friendly about her. She only uses you. Your town can't be that small if it has a movie theater. So get out and meet people. The best way is to think of something you have interests in and join clubs to meet people, volunteer places, do a summer job and meet people there. If the problem is not meeting people, then the problem is not knowing how to make friends. It sure sounds like this 'non' friend is the only person you know. If others say you are their friend but have no time to spend with you regularly, then they aren't friends either.
You are going to need to learn what a friend really is and what is not a friend. There are certain behaviors and things about a friend that is good to know. I say this because someday when you are looking for a boyfriend and later a husband, you will want to find one who is a friend, a real friend to you but there is the added benefit of the romance and chemistry for kisses and more. Many adults marry someone who is only a friend or only a great sex partner but not both. So think of this as a chance for you to learn now. The first step is not worrying about having no one. Having a fake friend is really the same as having no one. She is rubbing it all in your face by hanging out with your sister. She is on purpose trying to mess with your feelings and hurt you and not being subtle about it, thus yelling 'bye best friend to your sister. I can't imagine your sister choosing her over you but maybe she is starving for friends too and eventually will be treated the same as you. So do some studying on line. Put in a search using the following words 'What constitutes a friend' and you will have plenty to read to get some idea. I will put one of those in here for you to start:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Plenty of sites say that to have a good friend, you need to be a good friend. If you are being a good friend but are only being used, then the other person is not the kind of friend you want. I hope this helps
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