|
How do I say I don't want you people in my house, without saying that?
I have a question about a family event.
My son is graduating from high school, so I feel compelled to ask my family to attend. However, we are not close, and I have a horrible relationship with my sister who is a bully and is horribly judgmental.
That being said, I am having his party at a park,so I don't have to have my family in my home. I have pets, which they don't approve of, and I don't want to hear it.
My question is, how do I say I don't want you people in my house, without saying that? Or should I just say that?
This is causing me a lot of unnecessary stress, and I am unsure how to proceed. Any advice would be so appreciated!
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
You don't want to invite people who feel obligated because they are blood relations but not into it, or as you said, worse, they don't like you, your husband and children, your pets, etc....
So if it was me in this situation, I would think of this special occasion as similar to a wedding. The bride and groom to be, invite whom they wish to be there to celebrate. It's your sons graduation so it really should be whom he wants to be there to see him graduate. Attending the graduation does not have to have an invite attached to attend a celebration party after. This should be voted on by all family members as they all will be present and catch the brunt of any ugly behavior if there is any.
You don't have to hold it at your home and where you choose to have the party is your familys choice, you don't have to justify it. So if you invite them to a party at the park, and they ask why its not at your house, its best not to point out the true reasons why. If your son agrees ahead of time to support your answer that it was all his choice, he wanted them at graduation and where he had his party. If you live somewhere where there may be a chance that it is a colder or even rainy day, then have a back up plan that does not include your home. My extended family has used a Pizza places reservable back room for birthday parties, everyone orders pizza and then there is cake they bring for dessert. This works great when its not all kids or teens and a mix of ages up to grandparents. Although to reserve such a place, usually no cost, just your name on it for a time slot, it needs to be done ahead of time. In that case, you might invite to a party there instead of the park at all. I live where weather is unpredictable, so thats why I added this part.
Best defense is a good offense, and when it comes to people acting nasty towards you, the best offense is not to let them know it bothers you. So if your sister or whomever asks you pointblank why your son or your family chose party in the park, at the pizza place, etc... I would say the truth but not make it a bad thing but a good thing, like you trying to save them from being miserable putting up with your pets. "Well sis, we all have noticed your family doesn't like being around animals much or maybe just our pets. SO we planned the event with you in mind, so you can be happier." YOu know, something like that in your own words. No matter what she says, silence will only make her angrier so lets say she says, its not the dogs I don't like, your house is so messy. An outright insult like that is a spark waiting for fuel to turn into a raging blaze so insulting back or defending yourself and correcting or arguing the situation will only make it worse. I know from having an ex. who was verbally abusive. I left him and divorced, so believe me, I know what works and doesn't with difficult people. I try to insert humor. And sometimes, nothing works at all and you have to distance yourself from the people who are being nasty. So instead of basing your answers on why you don't want them in your house, base them on how you are catering to their feelings about your pets when you selected the location. Don't bring up her being verbally abusive. However, as I have read once of a wedding where some particularly trouble making relative was invited, this couple told that person that although they were invited, there are some rules tey must abide by so the wedding will be nothing but pleasant memories. If they tend to act up and make a fuss or upset anyone there, you will have them physically removed from the premises and if they try to reenter the church or reception hall, the police will be called, yes, even if it is a parent of yours. It worked for them. I revised that to any place you have rented, or a home you own. If the party is at your own place, rather than a social location like a park, you can't kick them out if they show up there, however you could ask everyone but them to relocate to your house if things got bad and let them know you are leaving due to how they are acting and therefore, they are not invited to your house. If at your home to begin with, your home is your castle. You get to dictuate what happens between its walls. SO if your final decision is to hold it at your home, then you let them know they are invited but ... (spell out the names of the troublemakers) but if June and Billy act in any way or make any disruptive comments while at the party, I will ask you to leave. If you do not, I will call police to remove you. The police will do this. This falls under a domestic issue and if some one is in your home who does not live there, even if once invited but they don't leave when you tell them to, this is something they will do. If you want to add anything, you explain the warning of calling police as you are willing to go to whatever extent you have to, to make this graduation for your son be as wonderful as possible.
]
More Questions: |