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I know everyone around me just see me as a weak and a low profile person... How do I change this?
Hello, I am from the Philippines. Since childhood I know everyone around me just see me as a weak and a low profile person. They just don't say it because it could hurt me. How to make people know that I am not someone like that?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I am going to interpret that you meant weak as in personality, not muscle strength because you added in the 'low profile' part. Although not the words I used to describe myself when I used to be like this, I do understand.
I will try to explain and hope a translating device will give you a good idea if you do not speak or read English.
Low profile I would call Introvert. The meaning is that such a person is very quiet, doesn't interact with others much but if they do, they will almost never initiate it, or start it. I am trying different words with same meaning to see if it helps you understand. I also know that a quiet person doesn't speak up for themselves much, won't let others know if they have a need, or a particular wish. They are shy. In todays world of classifications in mental health like Anxiety, I know know that what I had when I went to school through grade 12, was actually Social Anxiety but it hadn't been discovered as a condition back then. I remember that as low profile, meant I was not noticed often by other people. I was actually scared of people and part of my problem was my mind imagining, playing a story in my head, of how every person around me would react in a bad way, a negative way to me. I felt this way about people when I was not interacting with them, when I was doing my own mission, or when I was speaking out loud to someone. I knew that being this way would cripple my success as an adult once I got out of school. So when I finished school, I got serious about looking for answers and I found them. I did not see a Doctor, the doctor who is a mental health specialist. But I came across books by one of them, a Psychologist who wrote about many disorders. In most cases, a person does not need medicine but can be cured by just focusing on working with their thoughts. I had negative or distorted thoughts. Distorted is believing that something will happen for real.
Before I add in my story of how I got over being so quiet, I must say , now that I am cured, friendly, outgoing, extrovert, first to start a conversation, I notice that people who are quiet like you and how I used to be, get overlooked and seen as a weak person because they are too quiet and that feels boring, not worth someones time to try to make friends. I had friends but those friends all approached me first, I did not approach them. That is a problem. So I am human and will react the same as people used to react to me in my younger years. However, I know that most people like this will be friendly if someone else talks to them first so I will make the effort to befriend people, even if they seem to be boring, uninteresting at first time I see them.
If what I am saying, if what you meant to ask for help with, then read on. If not, try to explain what your exaxt problem is.
Overcome Shyness
I used to be so shy I wouldn't get up to use the pencil sharpener in grade school because I didn't want the other kids to stare at me. I refused to do book reports for fear of speaking in front of the class. So my grades would suffer. In contrast, my dad was a very friendly extroverted person and always bringing home new friends he had made. Us kids liked it cus these “uncles” would bring candy for us and many had accents from around the world with lots of interesting stories too.
It took until I was about 17 before I decided I was sick and tired of being so shy. I didn't have the guts to just switch behavior and start talking. Strange how I never thought to talk to my dad about that and get help from him. So I prayed and asked God for help (He knows each of us better than anyone )
and here's the answers I got. It sure helped me and I know it will help you. You can skip any steps you already have mastered.
None of this involves using people you already know because you already have some comfort level there For this exercise, you will have to drop the teaching, “Never talk to strangers”. Just use common sense and talk to people in public places where other people are around and don't go off alone with anyone. So here's your lesson.
1. Smile at strangers every day as you come across them. When you are comfortable with this, move on to step 2
2. Smile and add saying hello to people you don't know. This is already harder because your mind will be going, "They're gonna think I'm nuts cus I am saying hi and they dont even know me." When you can do this without feeling awkward or shy, move to step 3
3. Smile and say hi to and then pay a compliment to another person you don't know. It could be telling the grocery clerk you love her necklace. Keep paying compliments to people until you can do so without being fearful of their reaction or simply the act of doing it.
4. Smile, say Hi, and start a conversation with a stranger. Here's an example. When I'd be at a clothing rack and another woman was there...no matter her age, I would make a comment to her about the clothing. I'd pull something off the rack and ask what she thinks of it for me.
Keep trying statements with a question to get responses from a person. If they don't open up and start responding and sharing some of their story or thoughts then they are part of the 10 % of people who are hermit like and don't like being around people or talking to them. I took a class that taught about personality types and discovered that 90% of people are very friendly but almost all of that 90% will not start conversation first. If you can learn to start conversation first, in every situation, you will find that the majority of people respond in a very friendly and supportive way. They won't find the fact that you start talking too weird. Once they figure you're a naturally friendly person you will see them willingly respond back and share bits and pieces of information and such.
I was trying to pick ripe but not over ripe melon one time when an older woman was tapping and listening to the melons. I asked what she was doing and she explained that there is a certain sound it makes so I learned something. Later we bump into each other in another aisle, and I say, "Well Hello again!" Her response, "Hello again. Do you use coupons?" "Sometimes." "Do you buy this product," she shows me something in her cart, "Yes I do." "Well I happen to have a coupon for a great deal on it if you'd like," and without waiting for my response reaches into pocket and hands it to me. You'd be amazed at the conversation you could have with people and be able to share helpful info with them or vice versa. And sometimes in the conversing you may find people who you have some things in common with and you decide to keep in touch with and exchange cell numbers and /or get their name for facebook friending. Once you are comfortable with talking to one person, then its a small matter to talk to groups of people.
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Be confident.
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I've felt like that before. I thinks it's best to just slowly become more outgoing and try to be yourself. It might take some time, but once you're comfortable, try to try something new, like a sport or a hobby. You could work on yourself physically, like I do interval running (Run a little, walk a little), which isn't hard but helps build muscle. You could also open up to some friends about how you feel and try to make people understand that that isn't you. Good luck. I hope this was helpful.
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