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Parents won’t let me save money?
Any tips on what to do about parents that don’t let me save money? Basically when I first got a job my bank account was joint with my mom, it was joint because she told me it’ll be easier for her to send money to my school. Little did I know it was a tactic, whenever I got paid from my job I didn’t know how much I was making because my mom had my debit card she said she wanted us to save money, so I thought. So basically as I was making the money my mom was taking out the money to pay the bills ultimately I finally caught her when we went to the bank together and the bank teller gave me the receipt and my balance was less than 100 dollars when I’ve been working for 30 hours a week. Anyways long story short I got my debit card from her and she stopped taking money. So this school year I had to stop working to focus on school and my parents said that they’ll give me an allowance to survive till school is over and then I’d have to get a job again. Long story short I basically spent my whole savings this year because my parents would either ask me for money or id have to spend it on personal expenses like public transportation so my whole savings is gone. It’s gotten to the point where my mom even asked to borrow my credit card knowing that I don’t have a job to pay it back. She told me she’ll pay it back but I already paid the whole thing with my savings because she still hasn’t (obviously I didn’t tell her I paid for it) Any tips on what to do? I made another bank account that’s not joint with my mom but she found a way to weasel her self to that account too (don’t ask). I don’t want to turn into a person that can’t save money but my parents are turning me into that
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I am glad you made the new account without mom, it shows you are intelligent and nothing at all like your parents. You are not becoming like them, they are abusing you in a way, stealing from you because they believe that since they are family, you would never report them to police. Stealing is stealing. I wouldn't say to report if it was a one time only and they confessed to it and paid you back. But thats not the case here, it keeps repeating. So to continue on what Adviceman said, I do believe that it is best for you to report stolen money and who took it and how (the joint acct, holding onto your debit card and finding a way to get into your new account. If anyone other than your parents had stolen your money this way, would you have kept quiet or called police.
So what is holding you back is thinking they might be so angry it would make bad blood between you or they might cut you out of their lives forever, which is both sad for you but also a good thing as they are less likely to be messing with you and taking advantage of you. I know the economy is bad and many folks are unable to pay their bills, but they don't steal from their adult children to pay bills. My own sister is always tight on money and asks some of her adult children to help her out from time to time and she asks, doesn't steal and will accept just what they can afford to give her and yet pay their own bills. This would be the normal scenerio. Your parents are not treating you with respect and have lost the privilege of being your parents because they are treating you worse than they might their friends, neighbors or strangers, simply because they believe they can get away with it. You need to speak to the school counseler, let it all out, every nasty detail and don't be embarrassed. Sure you gave them your debit card, were oblivious to what was going on and in a way, gave them every opportunity to rob you of your money. You don't owe Mom something for giving birth to you, this is a last tactic of an abuser to verbally put doubt in your mind, that perhaps this is okay and normal. It is NOT!
This is part of learning how to be an adult. We don't always think of keeping tabs on stuff that should be obvious like what is in our bank account, allowing parents to continue to treat you as a minor child and so on. If you are living with them, then they have one last carrot to dangle to keep you from reporting them, stay quiet, let them continue taking your money so you have a place to live. Yes, having a place to live is important and that ultimatum would make you cave in to them. I was faced with a similar decision, of not having a place to live if I held my ground with an abusive boyfriend. My parents were long dead and all my family struggling financially. I could have caved in but I did not and when I did the right adult decision for myself, things turned around. So I am suggesting that you speak to school counselors of what your situation is. The bottom line is that what you want to do right now, may not happen yet because of being backed into a corner. You need to be able to have some money to have a place to live and money for your basic other expenses. I would not trust the parents to get into an arrangement where you accept money from them, because they would more likely being asking you to pay them back every penny of allowance. Yes, this means not being able to finish school in the time frame you wanted. There are plenty of young adults whose parents are controlling their adult lives, treating them like children and eventually they get tired of it and want out but there is no easy way out. Its even harder if you live with the parents. YOu really need to learn how to hide from their radar if Mom is so crafty as to find a way to gain access to a new bank account. Using a bank, even if direct deposit, you have to have checking or savings accts, even if there is no checks being written. The only other thing I can think of is having somewhere else your work deposit get deposited and I recently received such a set up from one employer, it is called a Elite Paychek PLUS and says debit visa on front. YOur entire paycheck is deposited onto that card rather than a local bank account. I can give you contact info for them. I think its a bank in the Dakotas that manages this. IT is nice because immediately after making a purchase like at the grocery, my phone will ring and show a text from them as to what was spent and taken out of the remaining total, what it was spent on. So if Mom never learns of this card, she will never have access to your money. You can find them online at: www.paychekplus.com or call 1-888-890-7470. You can always take out cash and put that into a savings acct.
So my recommendation is:
First get a job, and find roommates and a place to live that all you students can afford near the school. This must be in place first.
Then report the parents to the police. They will take your statement and that information goes into the computer and leaves what is called a paper trail. the Parents won't be going to serve time in jail at this point. But if Mom finds a way to gain access to your money and steal again some time after you have moved out and cut off all relating to them, then the paper trail is a good thing, it shows the police that this has happened before, is not a one time thing, and they are breaking the law by stealing from a person, it doesn't matter if its you or a friend or neighbor. At that point the law system will take over to see what your parents need, counseling if there are circumstances leading to their needing counseling, or having a police record or having to spend time in jail. I know that sounds harsh for parents and thats why so many parents get away with crap when it comes to their adult children. But they stopped acting like parents a long time ago. Some parents are sweet and good, some parents are skirting the law, and in and out of jail, some are drug addicts and clueless or simply clueless how to be a good parent but unwilling to ask for help. YOu have to get past that same thing, be willing to share the details of your situation to people who can help you. One thing would be getting a new phone number and not giving it to the parents. At a job or school or even with roommates, you tell them that if people with your parents names find them and start asking about you, not to give out your phone number. So the 'who to call in case of emergency should not be your parents because once Mom finds out where you work, she will be using all her con artist skills to weave a believeable story, which is the only way she could have gotten past security measures and got access to an account you did not have her on. If it was the same bank as before, the bank knows you are all related and it happened to my daughter, she had settlement money from an accident on which her dad was joint with her as she was a minor at the time, she continued to use the same account as her checking once she began working a job. Dad never stole from her but when his account ran temporarily into the red, instead of the bank calling him about it, they took the money out of another family members account, my daughters. Luckily dad paid her back. I think it is terrible that many banks operate this way so you have to have a new bank again, create a checking account, tell them the whole story you told us, that your Mom found a way to gain access to your new account without her on it. You call the shots and tell them, you will be giving them the names of your parents only so that is anyone by those names tries to gain access to your account, and the bank lets them for whatever reason and false story the parents make up, that you will be finding a lawyer to go after the bank with. So you want the bank manager to also see your account and hear this warning. YOu are telling them that you have been stolen from by the parents repeatedly for a long time and you weren't sure of it as Mom originally had access to your card. Let them know you have filed a police report about your parents and that if they for any reason decide to give your parents access to your hard earned money, they will be sued. You want it in writing that they are marking your account now with this warning and that under no circumstances are they to give info to people just because they say they are relatives or parents.
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Yes there is away to Direct Deposit to your Savings account. As the Bank Manager for the proper form to give your employer
If you're over 18 you mom is not entitled to be on any bank account with you. If somehow your mom has gotten herself on to your account then close that account and open a new one at a different bank and do not tell her which bank it is.
You don't need a checking account if you have a debit card. As for paying your credit card you can do that at the bank. So what you really need for now is a savings account with a Debit card which along with your credit card you keep with you at all times.
When you start working again ask to have your check Direct Deposited. The less paper around the house the better.
I had a similar situation with where when I entered the Air Force my dad sold my car. He claimed the proceeds barely covered a bill form the service station which was wrong. Long story short I said if he ever stole money from me again I would sue him. YOu may have make the same pthreat and you are certainly entitled to do so as you are no longer a minor and your parents have no say over your finances or other things in life including medical records.
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