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Going On A Trip
Hello. My name is Brian Hardy. I am twenty-six years old and I live in Danville, California. I am autistic and I suffer from anxiety. My anxiety is so high that I often annoy my parents. I would like to please discuss my anxiety and my worries in this letter. My parents are going to Wichita and Las Vegas in late April/early May to attend my cousin’s wedding. I cannot attend the wedding because I have class and I am in the process of graduating from community college. However, I am feeling anxious because I am going to be home alone for five days. Despite thIs, I am still looking forward to a weekend without my parents. Because I am autistic and suffer from anxiety issues, I easily become overwhelmed with anxiety. Now every moment of my life, I keep asking my parents questions about their upcoming trip. It is really starting to annoy my parents. What should I do to prevent myself from asking my parents these questions" I have been having arguments with my parents about he trip and I want it to stop. My parents are leaving for Wichita on April 26 and they will be stoping in Las Vegas for a layover on the way. Then the rehearsal dinner is on April 27 and the wedding is on April 28. Then on April 29, my parents will be flying to Las Vegas and they will be seeing a Bee Gees tribute band on April 30. Then my mother is coming home on May 1 and my father is coming home on May 5 because he is going to spend a few extra days in Las Vegas with some friends of his. So that means that I am going to be on my own for five days. I am feeling nervous because I am going to be on my own for five days and I keep feeling anxious about it. However, I have proved to my parents that I can manage on my own such as times when they go to Tahoe and San Diego, so it goes to show that I can manage well while my parents are out of town. I have some day trips planned while my parents are in Wichita. I am planning on going to San Francisco and Berkeley on April 26, I am planning on going to Monterey, San Jose, and Los Altos on April 27, and I am planning on going to Antioch for Sunday brunch on April 28. Then on April 29, I am going to be attending a poetry reading at the Town Hall Theatre in Lafayette. However, I am feeling worried that something bad is going to happen on these trips. For example, I was once harassed by a man on BART and my mother once had a bad experience riding on BART when we went to San Francisco to visit the Asian Art Museum. The thing is I am autistic and I do not drive, so I take Uber rides and public transportation to travel to places. On April 26, I am going to be taking the 21 bus from Danville to Walnut Creek and then I am going to take BART to San Francisco where I will have lunch at Schroeder’s Cafe and visit the Exploatorium. Then I am going to take the ferry from San Francisco to Berkeley where I will have dinner at Bay Grille and attend a concert at Fifth Street Farms. Then after the concert ends, I will take an Uber ride home. Then the next day, I am going to take an Uber ride from the Dublin BART station, take BART to Warm Springs/South Fremont, then take the 181 bus from Fremont to San Jose and transfer at Diridon Station where I will take the 55 bus to Monterey. Then I will visit the Monterey Bay Aquarium and take the 55 bus back to San Jose when I am done visiting the aquarium. Then I will meet my friend for dinner at Urfa Bistro in Los Altos and we will see Grapes of Wrath at the Bus Barn Theater. Then I will either take an Uber ride home or take BART back to Dublin. I do have a few worries: 1. I am fearful that I will run out of money, my phone will die, or I will get beat up. 2. I am fearful that I will receive a phone call from my parents while I am on my trips and they will punish me when I tell them where I am. 3. On April 27, I am going to be having dinner with my friend David in Los Altos. After dinner, we are going to see Grapes of Wrath at the Bus Barn Theater. However, David has sensory issues. Last month, we saw Shrek the Musical in Mountain View and the play was too loud for him, so he had to leave early. I am fearful that the same thing will happen again. What should I do about these fears that I have" Should I lie to my parents so I will not get into trouble" They say that I can do whatever I want on the weekend when they are out of town and that I am at an age when they do not have to punish me anymore. Although I would like to have fun, I do want to stay out of trouble. However, my parents want me to stay local, which is not my intention. I am considering not answering my parent’s phone calls when they call me while I am on my day trips. I am doing this because I do not want my parents to know where I am while I am on my day trios. I might call them on Monday night after they arrive in Las Vegas tell them what I did over the weekend, but I am considering up with a lie such as “I went to the movies”, “I went on a hike”, “I went out for ice cream”, or “I went out to lunch/dinner with a friend of mine.” Should I lie to my parents or tell them the truth when I call them" My younger brother attends the University of San Diego, so he is in San Diego for the majority of the year. He will not be attending the wedding because he also has class around that time. My brother has gone on many trips with his friends, roommate, and girlfriend. For his birthday last year, he saw Drake at the Staples Center in Los Angeles with his best friend. He has gone to many places for his trips including Los Angeles, Long Beach, Orange County, Joshua Tree National Park, Anza Borrego, Las Vegas, Havasu Falls in Arizona, Zion National Park in Utah, Yosemite National Park, Morro Bay, San Francisco, Santa Clara, Palo Alto, Carmel, and Sausalito. In 2017 and 2018, my brother had a summer internship at Nvidia in Santa Clara. From August 4-6, he stayed at his roommate’s house in Carmel Valley for the weekend. He drove from Santa Clara to Carmel Valley on August 4 and drove back to Danville on August 6. In August 2018, me and my parents went to Canada for ten days. My brother stayed home because he had to work. He did go to Berkeley, Santa Clara, and Palo Alto white me and my parents were in Canada and he managed well. He also managed well on his trips to all of these places that he visited. However, my brother is neurotypical and he has a car, which I lack. However, if my brother managed well on these trips, I can manage well too. My mother’s cousin Ferrell and his wife Molly live in Carmel Valley and my former neighbors Dave and Janet live in Pebble Beach. I am closer to Ferrell and Molly than I am closer to Dave and Janet. Me and my parents used to see Dave and Janet whenever we would go to Monterey, but eventually, the relationship faded out and we no longer socialize with them. Should I invite these people to meet up with me when i go to the Monterey Bay Aquarium" All of these people have been there before so they might say no. However, it might be nice if I invited Ferrel and Molly to go to the aquarium with me. However, I am feeling that if I text Ferrell and ask him to meet up with me in Monterey, he might forward the text message to my mother and she will find out that I went to Monterey without her knowledge. I would like to do my day trips, but I do want to stay out of trouble., My wellness counselor at Diablo Valley College has given me some tips while my parents are out of town such as always bring your cell phone charger with you, do not stare at strangers, do not tell people that your parents are out of town, and always leave the porch light on when you go out at night. I find these tips to be very helpful and I have written them down as a reminder for when the weekend comes. I could charge my phone at the restaurants or at the museums that I will visit, but I only have a limited time at both places. Another option would be to read a book while I am on the bus or on BART. I recently purchased a book about Aileen Wuornos (a serial killer who was arrested in 1991 and executed in 2002 for murdering seven men in Florida from 1989 to 1990.) The book is entitled “Lethal Intent” and it was written by a British author named Sue Russell. I am planning one heading the book while I am on BART or on the bus, but my parents fear that the book will give me nightmares. However, I have watched videos about serial killers such as Aileen Wuornos late at night and it does not bother me a bit. Plus I read a lot of scary stories, so I am used to them. So it goes to show that I can manage well from reading horror stories. Please let me know if you have a soution to my issues.
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I used to have social anxiety. I don't know if the cure is different if one has Autism but for me it worked great. All your worries about what might happen while they are gone or while you travel are just that, worries, not a prediction of what will happen in your future. Some worry is normal but worrying about everything means that you simply never learned how to control your thoughts. I had the anxieties already as a young child and they got worse until finally in my last year of High school I was tired of being like that and wanted to be free of worry and confident and able to enjoy my life. I knew I would be an adult soon and adult life would be harder with my anxieties.
I will say that I am pretty sure this has nothing to do with being Autistic. I am not a Mental health Dr. but I have had family members with depression or other mental disabilities and so I became very familiar with the basics of how to get well. It is not something easy to do on your own and certainly you may not be cured in two weeks trying to help yourself over it, but if you like to read, I suggest buying some books to give you hope that there is a cure. The books are written by a psychologist David D. Burns and he at first was only giving medicine to people which doesn't cure, has side effects and only masks the problems, not curing them. With a non medical approach called CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy, his most difficult patients were cured of depression, anxiety and other mental disabilities. Autism as far as I know has never been mentioned here because it is not a problem of how you process thoughts. If a persons thoughts are negative and distorted, there are ways to get better. One is stopping and catching each negative thought as it comes and telling yourself (actually its your subconscious mind listening as it needs to hear this) so tell yourself it has never happened before and so there is no reason to worry.
I have a link to what CBT is. [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
And I suggest reading through the website of This Dr I mentioned.
here it is: [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
This should give you hope that you can get over your worries and anxieties. His books are listed if you wish to read but I would suggest showing it to the parents when they get back and asking if you are on their insurance to be set up with a psychologist who deals with CBT, not any other as they don't have the training to actually help. Or, on your own, check what mental health Drs are covered by your medical insurance and call them all to see if they are trained in CBT. If someone wants to give you medications right at the beginning, something is wrong, don't waste your time going to them. According to Dr. Burns, 90% of people never end up needing medication and are healed. Those are good odds.
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