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Not sure what to do about my dad!!?
So I am starting to notice a pattern in my dad that is concerning me ... a lot!
Besides the fact that he is not that old (just turned 56) and has a deteriorating physical condition (big belly and weak heart muscle) he refuses to exercise and become healthier. The doctors have already told him he will be in big trouble if he doesn’t start getting his heart back in shape but he just won’t do it. OK.
I get that I can’t do anything about that and it’s his life. He is the only one who can change and only if he wants to.
But aside from all this, I am starting to notice that he is becoming increasingly obsessive with the news and politics and religion... to a point that is unhealthy almost.
Let me explain...
He has a sedentary job, he spends most of the day on his phone when he isn’t working and then comes home and spends time on his phone some more. He is literally glued to the thing he can’t go anywhere, a restaurant, on vacation anywhere he can he will pull out the phone. He doesn’t carry on conversations anymore unless it’s to talk about something he’s reading on the phone....
And what does he read all day? Fake news and politics that just make him angry and negative.
He’s had a difficult past. He’s fought for freedom multiple times, been in wars and was almost killed trying to become free. So without going into too much detail, safe to say he has been traumatized and has certain political views about what is right and wrong. And that’s fine, he’s been through a lot and I respect him and his opinions.
What concerns me is that he’s reading that fake news that is everywhere meant to create hate between sides and people and he feeds into it. It’s so unhealthy. He trolls on chat rooms and Facebook, he will blatantly post his opinion anywhere and everywhere and get into comment wars with people. And he’s not stating his opinion in a respectful organized way, if you know what I mean. He will say anything to get people going and mad and angry.
He’s never been like this before but all the time he spends online is turning him into a hateful person to anyone that argues with his opinion. Just online though. He’s the sweetest man in person, and he loves me but his views have turned into an obsession. I’m just really concerned for his health at this point but he won’t listen to reason. My mom tries to get him out of the house but he’s just so fixated on the phone and on “fighting” the side he thinks is threatening him.
Partly I blame a divided country feeding nothing but hate to people. I just don’t know what to do to get him out of it. We’ve had several talks and interventions he just doesn’t listen.
I’m worried. What can I do? And if nothing, how can I reframe my thinking about the situation? I love him and don’t want anything bad to happen to him.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
The thing is that when changing a person, you can’t change the whole person at once. You can only change small habits at a time, step by step.
The first thing, that might seem overly frustrating but is needed, is just to listen to your father. Not agree with him, but listen and thank him for his views.
Chances are that he’s the type of man who just resists even more the more you argue against his habits. It’s important to get through this stage, because he needs to trust you for your words to reach him.
When you get enough trust, try making very small changes to get him to be healthy. Try being creative with recipes, and find something both nutritious or healthy. Try getting him to socialize outside with even just a short walk on the park with friends.
The little things matter, and the little things add up to big things eventually. He probably just needs to take it slow after all that happened in his life.
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What you speak of is an epidemic that has spread across our country, the U.S. We have some of the most unhealthy people in the world and many other nations are starting to have the same issues. Its a little bit of lifestyle that contributes but mostly its the type of food available, whats marketed and what we believe we want, fast food, lots of flour, sugar and fat in what we eat. When I and hubby went on a diet that cuts out sugar or any carbs that can turn to sugar, It really woke me up to just how much flour it in everything we eat, even some popular salad dressings and gravies, or in breading on some foods. He's like a person on a train going full speed down the tracks and the brakes are broken. This issue of health is so far gone that most people can not be convinced to do something drastic and not usually fun at all to get off this train. Some people change after a heart attack, a surgery or getting cancer but by then its too bad a deal for the body to start healing it self if one gives it what it needs and cuts out what is detrimental to our bodies healing themselves. Your Dad isn't the only one glued to his phone. Start taking count when standing in a check out line, at a Dr.s waiting room, these are usual places for people to be on their phones. But they also are on their phones at gatherings, parties,school room, dinner table and that reminds me of a device created to at least shut of all media devices, cells and TV included at dinner time. So unless your Dad knows about this device and what it looks like, he will never know and your family can get at least a half hour of time talking to him unless he is upset and raging every night about the cell not working.
Here's a link: [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
There is no help or cure in sight yet as far as associations to turn to for help. Alcoholics have Alcoholics anonymous to help them. But there is nothing like that yet for the majority of people who are addicted to being on their cell phones 24/7. Some people sleep with them and wake up and check it every time they hear a beep or sound to see if someone texted them. Until there is such help available, the nine out of 10 people who seem to suffer addication to cell phones and media, will go on doing as they do.
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