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Why do people copy my plans?
University is such a competitive environment people will help you but at the same day they’ll always try to one up you. I told my friend that I was planning to do a certificate to add to my major so it’ll be easier to find a job. We’re in the same program now all of a sudden she wants to do the certificate. I told her after I graduate I wanted to do a different program and all of a sudden she’s doing that program as well. I have another friend I told her how I joined a couple of school clubs related to my program now all of a sudden she wants to join the club too cause it’ll look good on her resume. Why can’t people do their own thing? It’s starting to get on my nerves what would you do in my situation
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
You complain about university being competitive, and then start feeling hostile when others’ receive suggestions from you. They don’t sound envious. They sound like they look up to you.
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They trust you and your judgment but they don’t trust themselves or know where they are going. Having heard from you about what you did and that it’s working is a sign to them that maybe they should do this too. It’s also a comfort thing to be in same boat or in this case programs and clubs as someone they know. In all honesty they’re lost without you and is a core reason they are following all your moves that have been successful.
I wouldn’t be irritated by it but if you are don’t share plans openly and or encourage them to see that they need to make choices and make mistakes on their own and that just because something was right for you doesn’t mean it will suit them. Be compassionate and empathize with the fact they’re feeling lost.
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Honey, it's not that they are intentionally copying you. You are smarter, more intelligent than them and able to look to the future. Part of the ability to plan ahead and think of consequences good or bad, is done by the pre frontal cortex of the brain. While our bodies mature quickly, this part of the brain is the last thing to mature to adult status. Scientists have said in general it is mature by mid twenties. This is most people. there are a few who are much more mature in thinking and planning way before 25 and others who don't get there until closer to 30.
So your friends, while unable to think of these ideas literally on their own, are able to recognize the good idea's when you mention it and want to do the same, understanding now how helpful it is. Perhaps they have already heard some of this stuff from staff at the univ. but they didnt really pay attention. Or perhaps they thought this was just bull that the staff told the students, and didn't take it seriously until someone else they knew took it seriously and began to implement it. So this is rather a compliment, not some habitual copying of what you are doing. So far, all you shared is school related. You did not say that they changed their hair, makeup, nails, clothes to be the same as yours, or start sharing that their favorite foods, color, hobbies, etc are whatever yours are.
There is such a thing as people who grew up in okay but dysfunctional homes as far as parents challenging a child to seek their own hobbies, something they like or have an affinity for. They don't recieve any compliments for anything they did well, they may not have be given any chance to ask for anything, not having a voice of their own. So many teens after HS have no idea how to make decisions for themselves because the parents are still doing it and will continue to do so out of habit unless the child speaks up. I have heard from people in their late twenties and early thirties who have this problem. Get to really know these people well, better than you do now so you can see if there is anything like this in their background. You can have an impact on their life in encouraging them to learn adult tasks by also taking those courses at college/Uni. I have heard of classes that teach students tasks any adult show know, how to cook and clean after themselves, how to shop, balance a bank account among other things. Don't change who you are to s top this from happening. My 2nd husband has a daughter he raised this way. She was always doing what you do and it has helped her to secure jobs, and find a husband who very much appreciates her being her own woman, not one who would weakly and easily let a man lead in a relationship. When most kids were dropping out of the program she was in, those who stayed admired her for her talents. Right now you are surrounded by students who have no clue what they are doing. In time, you will find more and more that those with minds like your own, and the maturity see a value in you, not to copy you but work together on any projects that require team work. That happened with the daughter in CG art. THere had to be one of each talent in a group to create a short video clip or a possible game. She was the actual artwork. Her entire team was all males and she the only female. It wasn't a sex thing and they wanted her just because they recognized her as better than anyone else studying the same. If you think it would help, don't share your plans with friends. If they ever ask, you can say, you're bouncing around some ideas but haven't decided on any plan to follow yet. That would seem natural. Then you ask them what they are thinking of doing. Likely nothing. But change the subject to something other than school plans and future plans. Or if people keep coming to you and start asking for you to help them with their future and what is best, you suggest that they see a guidance counselor to talk it out as you have done...whether or not you actually have. You may be intelligent to figure it out on your own but they don't need to hear that, just be told where to go for info. And if you say you've done it, most likely they will follow this advice and you no longer have to feel upset with people copying you because they are still incapable of thinking these things out for themselves yet.
Good luck.
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