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My feet are huge
So I’m about 6ft tall and I’m pretty slim, but the thing is I’m a size 13 (UK), which is really big for someone of my build and height. I people like to stop me in the streets and make their jokes or try and guess my size but I didn really care. My friends like to make a joke out of it and it’s been a recurring thing for years. Since they started, I feel as if I’m getting more and more insecure about them so now I pretty much avoid going out when unless I have to. I hate how big my feet are. I’d appreciate any advice on how to tell my friends to stop and/or how to cope with my situation, seeming as I’m stuck with these clown feet for life.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I’m sure if they’re true friends, they’ll stop if you explain how you’re feeling about your feet. When someone’s that tall, most people see your height when they first see you rather than their feet. Besides, there’s no reason people would spend time obsessing over thinking about how big your feet is. That would tell me more about what’s wrong with them, than you.
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If I get this correctly, it didn't bother you when strangers commented on your feet, it only began to bother you when your 'friends' commented and not just once or twice but keeping it up for years. You can not stop their comments. The only thing you have any control over is how you mentally react to it. When a person says something to you, about you whether it is complimentary or derogatory, you have control to either accept it and believe it or reject it. Its easy to accept a compliment and feel better, but what do we do when someone says something not so nice, poking fun at us or worse? We aren't taught this skill. I read a book once that said we get so easily sucked into agreeing with whatever a person says, however the bad part is that once we have agreed, that sets balls in motion internally. Our ears hear, the info goes to our brain where we process what was said and decide to agree with or disagree. But we don't see it as an agreeing thing if its something bad. So I tested this fact. The next time someone told me it sounded like I was getting a cold. (I had seasonal allergies) I made my self actually speak the words that I disagreed with that perception and then I would explain I had hayfever. In the past, I might have said nothing which is as good as agreeing because my mind would feed me phrases of self doubt, "Are you sure its hayfever, isn't your glands starting to feel bad and headache starting. Maybe I have a fever . . . Don't tell me you never went through such thought processes before. Everyone does when a person repeatedly says something about a certain thing about you. In my case it was symptoms of hayfever they confused for a cold. In yours, it's the size of your feet as being not normal and an oddity one mght find in a freak show.
Point I am making is that I developed many head colds because I listened and took in what a coworker who was 'germaphobic' said to me. I dwelled my thoughts on what she said. Funny thing is that we are able to change things with our thoughts and create stuff that wasn't there to begin with. In my case, by believing there was a chance that maybe this time it really might be a cold coming on, my body followed the directions of my thoughts, it will do this physically and emotionally. I gave a slight toe hold to the possibility and I got lots of real head colds where your can't taste or breath, and your head feels stuffy and heavy and you can't think straight and have an achy head. All those symptoms that I have never had with hayfewer, just the sneezing and watery itchy eyes. The sneezing was the only thing in common.
So I need to tell you that in some way, you broke down and began to take in what they said as you being abnormal. Thats the first mistake. You need to change how you think about your own feet first to get the results you want.
The second mistake is in how you view what is normal and what is not. In nature, you will see that for the most part, be it flora, fauna, humans, all have a basic place on a scale of size and features that the majority fall into but on occasions there will be differences that do not fall into the range for what is average for most people. Would you call an albino animal, be it a crow, a bear, a deer (all I've seen photos of) to be abnormal? They have a gene that causes them to lack any color but otherwise, inside and out they are just the same as any other of their species.
Then there are size differences such as you complain of. Peter Dinklage, actor who played on Game of Thrones. If you read up his bio on Wikipedia, you will see that he has a form of dwarfism. While most humans are not that size, he is still normal, having all the same parts as anyone else, just smaller. Issues he has to face due to his size, Dinklage initially struggled to find work as an actor, partially because he refused to take the roles typically offered to actors with his condition, such as "elves or leprechauns.
On the other end of the spectrum is a person much larger than most. So I will use Abraham Lincoln, the 16th president of the United States. By age 21, he topped out at 6ft 4 inches and had the feet to go along with it with different sources saying the feet size could be anywhere from 12 or 14. He was noted saying he weight 174 while president so he was tall and thin as you with large feet. In an article about Lincoln I got the following: "a neighbor of his from New Salem named Camron crudely described him using the words ‘thin as a beanpole and ugly as a scarecrow’. That did not stop him from thinking his size would hold him back from anything he wanted to pursue or he wouldn't have even tried to become a president of the U.S. Here's that link about Lincoln if you want to read it:
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What about Dinklage, and his size? He didn't let that dictate whether to pursue acting or what roles to take and I commend him for it. I love lots of the roles he has played not because of his size but his acting ability.
You have that choice too. I know its unfair that some of us have to work harder at overcoming insults, and teases, and rude comments that come our way but thats the way it is. I now see it as a blessing in disguise now that I am older, as it helped me to develop healthy supportive thoughts about who I am and what i look like. I got the usual teases for wearing glasses and being quiet and shy. I heard this stuff enough that it was something that happened on a weekly or monthly basis, the incidents.
You didn't say whether you were male or female but females have it hard as society comments that women shouldn't be tall. Here's a positive way to look at it. What about tall men at over 6 ft who don't want to stoop over life long to look their 5 ft wife in the eyes, some tall men prefer having a female who is equally tall so they can look into each others eye easily. True, she won't have as many options in finding a guy but it's not impossible and thats a good thing about todays technologies, being able to find a tall man on a dating app on line.
You feel you have no option being born with big feet and it is evident in your last sentence, "I’m stuck with these clown feet for life." Well, you are right about not being able to change the size. But do the people who wear Clown suits actually have extremely large feet? No, maybe one person but in general, when the idea of creating clowns first came about, someone must have thought that extremely oversized feet would be funny. I am guessing that someone has called you as having clown feet and after hearing it enough, your subconscious mind accepted it and now you really don't like if actually hate your feet. I can't give you instant quick fix help as the part of regaining a sense of your feet being normal for your height or above normal for your age is okay. There's nothing wrong with it. In the article on Lincoln it has been suggested that he had a rare genetic disorder called Marfan syndrome. The disorder affects the body by elongating the limbs, fingers. This is what can but not always be the cause for extreme heights same as dwarfism is the extreme in lack of heights. These genetic differences though rare, are not abnormal. Abnormal is what happens when there is too much pollution and after effect of bombs and other factors from our planet affecting how a baby looks when it is born. Some may look like rare genetic defects, like a missing limb but you know when something else is affecting normal developement when you look at births by doing a search on line for birth defects after Hiroshima. Look at the photos. There is an overwhelming amount of people born with misshapen heads. There might be a photo shop pic or two but there are many that are the real thing. I'll bet people born with those defects would give anything to be normal as you with the only thing wrong, is that they and others don't like the size of their feet. I get it, its harder to have choices in footwear or you have to special order. Almost everyone will have something about them that means it's harder to get stuff that fits, like having short legs and long torso, or me with short torso. There are plenty of cute tops or dresses I could not buy as the items were made for a longer torso, no matter what size.
It may seem I have rambled or over talked on the subject but I know there is no problem with having more examples and logic to help you adjust your thoughts on your own feet. Instead of suffering the laughing and teasing, join them, not believing you have something bad. Comedians who have a healthy outlook on themselves and their spouse of kids will use something from life to make funny jokes, just to make others laugh, even if they later say, thats not true, I love my wife or I love my kid. People usually don't know what to say when they encounter someone with something obvious that falls outside the parameters of what one would consider average for humans or normal but that doesn't mean it is abnormal. Using a male body part for example, most menns penis length fall into an average range as stated in an online article "an erect penis of 6.3 inches is in the 95th percentile. That means that out of 100 men, only five would have a penis longer than 6.3 inches." You can find that and more under
the article goes over womens preferences. So while men actually want a penis bigger and longer than normal, due to women mostly having an average lenght vagina, their preference is for the average, not long length but maybe more in girth around. This is the only example I could think of where a human actually wants something outside of the average and normal sizes.
So if you are a male, you can easily use this as a joke, no matter your size, and simply say, yes...I do have large feet and that also means I have a large, (here you say whatever you are comfortable with like package or point down to your crotch or say junk or cock or whatever. I'll bet this will give some laughs with buddies, give shock to strangers who dared to even point out your feet size...hey they started it is what I'd say if they were offended. Eventually your male buddies will not bring up your feet anymore because your constant reminder of how having another big part makes them feel inferior, why would they continue. If you are a female, of course you can't use that to make a joke but you can say things about your feet to make others laugh, like "My feet are so large that in hot weather when bubble gum re-melts on the sidewalk, I end up stepping on 5 gum spots with one step whereas the average person gets only one. I win! And then laugh. You will find the jokes that work best for you. Here is another I would say if I had the large feet, Yep, my feet are large, so large that I can wipe out an entire ant colony with just one step. Although made up and just funny and the jokes out of proportion with reality, their negative thoughts or tease are bad manners and what they say will be out of proportion as well on a negative side so make your sound positive. Here's another, "My feet are indeed large. It works well for having a new dance partner just stand on my feet as I lead them through dance steps. Its helpful for those who say they can't dance or are afraid of stepping on or tripping over my feet." While totally made up, it is funny, or would be if someone else was saying this about themselves, then you may laugh. I know in truth you don't think of your feet size a laughing matter but laughter does seem to produce more results in awkward situations like this and will lay peoples minds at rest. Especially if you start it all before they can strive to think of something to say. People feel more comfortable around a person who is comfortable themselves with their deformities or differences whichever the case may be. I have seen people in wheelchairs who are bitter and snap at anyone asking if they'd like help with a door. While others would simply smile and say thank you or others yet say thanks and add a funny comment like "I wasn't looking forward to being a wheelchair sandwich again." That makes others know you are okay with your feet and make you more approachable and soon you will have friends, maybe new ones, who want to spend time with you because they like your personality, not because of your feet giving them fodder for jokes. When those who tease find they can't make you uncomfortable any longer, there is no pay off for them, especially those doing it to be mean. So there is no reason for them to continue. This I have found to be true. As long as I as a shy young person felt uncomfortable or ashamed, I was picked on more. In my twenties, I learned to do these tricks and also not beieve I am defined by what people think of me. Heck, my looks don't match my personality, I even know that so people just get a wrong impression of me if just assuming what I am like personality wise and are surprised I am different. I get that often enough still today. I know that, and I don't let that bother me, I don't take things personally. In most cases, strangers who say something do not have a premeditated idea to be rude and point out your feet, they just haven't been trained good manners or what to say or how to act around anyone who seems different to them. Heck we get that even with skin color difference or knowledge that someone is gay. All of a sudden people have no idea how to act or what to say. Its dumb but true. You can do these people a favor by teaching them how to act around someone different than you after making them laugh first to disarm them. I hope this all makes sense. It means a lot to me to help anyone who feels badly to love themselves more and not be affected in bad ways by other peoples thoughts or words. SO write straight to me if you want to talk more or anything. I can try to look up a Ted Talk of a gal who was born deformed and she really feels good about herself and also has a way to charm people ad set them at ease. If you are interested, ask me and I will search for it. It really should also help put things in a better perspective as to what you can do for yourself. Yes, the other people have bad manners, but you'll get that through out life in many different scenarios. The biggest impact you can make in your world is by showing others how your difference has made you stronger, how it doesn't bother you and by subtly teaching the general public to not feel so awkward around someone who looks or acts different, and all because you bring up your situation first if possible and tease about it or make jokes about the benefits of big feet. I had a pastor of mine once call me Vertically Challenged and he laughed. He wasn't trying to be mean, just trying to be funny as he knew I liked humor. So I laughed and said how it was a good thing being smaller as I could fit in small spaces that he would be too big for. Think of yourself, coming upon a vet with one leg only or a person of color with white patches of skin on their face, you are immediately feeling compelled to stare and then look away quickly so to not get caught staring. Anything out of the ordinary will catch a humans attention quickly. It still happens to me. I saw a man with a crutch a couple weeks ago at Starbucks. I suppose since my husband broke a leg in three places over 4 years ago, I know how hard it is to get around on a walker or crutch. It was the thumping of the crutch that got my attention in peripheral vision. when I actually looked, I saw the man had only one leg and the crutch was his choice for getting around rather than a wheelchair and he was doing well. I was impressed with how well he did but went back to what I was doing, not giving him another glance. He did not know that he made a great impression on someone that day, that he was willing to find different ways to do the same thing we all take for granted every day, walking on two legs. You can make those great impression too. Since you actually wrote in for advice, I already know you can and will overcome it dear.
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