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I lied to my parents and they found out!
I didn’t feel good at all today and i wanted my dad to come pick me up. He told me to go to the nurse and get my temperature checked first and i lied to him and told Him that I did, which i didn’t. When I walked to the office he asked me so you’re telling me that you went to the nurse and your temp was 100 degrees” i tried to cover up my lie but then the office assistant called the nurse and she said that she saw nobody that day. I knew immediately that i was busted and burst into tears. I felt so guilty and scared for the consequences. He told me in the car to never lie to him again which i immediately agreed with considering how scared i was. He dropped me off at home and headed back to work. I’m extremely anxious for my mom and dad to come back home because i know what i did was wrong and i don’t want to loose their trust. What should I say to hopefully not get any consequences and not make them even more mad than they already are? :(
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
If you think they are immediately going to disown you for making a lie like this, then either you’re wrong or they’re terrible parents.
Take some deep breaths and check out some relaxation techniques online. Maybe find some self compassion exercises online because you seem too hard on yourself. Sometimes when we do bad things, we just need more of a break and that’s our way of acting it out.
Take care.
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Karen is right about the temperature thing. You need to realize what you were actually doing, the lie is a result of your thoughts.
You could have thought any of the following that would lead you to say a lie: I am afraid that since he asked me to get my temperature checked that if it was normal, he would tell me to stay in school and refuse to pick me up. I just want to go home in the shortest amount of time possible and don't want to even take the time to get my temperature checked. I don't like a parent needing to take time from work to come pick me up and believed that since I was asked if I had a temp, that Dad would think anything less to not be important enough to drag him away from his job. Any of those or other thought processes could easily lead you to telling a lie.
What you are doing, distorted thoughts, is something all people do, its just that some believe it so strongly they're always fearing the worst which affects their life in a bad way. It is also choosing to act like a psychic reader/fortune teller, predicting the ultimate future of any situation, which also predicts exactly what another person will say, do, feel or think. Unless we have that trait, letting our fears dictate making up a lie to get what we want will always lead to more trouble for you or with other relationships you have, and family are relationships too. YOu sound like me. I almost never disobeyed my parents. It never occurred to me to defy them. But when asked a question i had not anticipated that I felt would result in me looking bad or not getting something I wanted, I had probably 2 or 3 times in my entire teen life that I told a lie and then felt as scared and bad as You did. I know that your parents must know like mine did, that you are a very good daughter and person in general and they are proud of you and love you. You are never trouble to them. So they likely see this one event as nothing to be concerned by, they are simply trying to teach you important things about being a happy, successful good adult someday, Its starts with learning some of these things as children and teens already, not later when turning adult. So I would believe your parents to not be really strongly upset with you or your relationship with them damaged. This is just normal slight nudging and adjusting done to behaviors of ones children. Thats how it was for me with my own kids. The only thing that was different, is that there was much more explaining and sharing of what ones thoughts or fears were. Communication could have avoided this problem from happening. So in your own words, you might talk to both parents asking them for more information in the future because you need it so you won't believe wrongly or the opposite of anything situation outcome. Mom will have no problem as most women are more into sharing vast detailed where a male will make a request that seems to have no base in applying at all to the current situation. My husband does it all the time and I do not try to guess what he's getting at or saying, I simply ask. This is one of the differences between both sexes. What I end up doing with my husband is asking him why he is asking me that particular question. He usually refuses to answer me and simply asks me to answer his question or do the favor he asked. I am only trying to cut time when he'd rather spend 20 minutes searching for an item, finally giving up and asking me if I know where it is, and I do and in the quarter of a second I point, he has the item he could have had 20 minutes ago. I don't know why it is so, but it just is, and this falls under the 'men don't ask for directions'. Probably something with having to prove themselves, they feeling compelled to show what they are able to do, very capable at, so even if they need help, the desire to appear worthy and not lacking to their mate or their family or friends, will cause males to act like this which females see as being stubborn. If we understand where others are coming from and why they might even ask a certain question, that is a good thing.
So Dad did not realize that his asking you to get your temperature checked might have been out of his concern for you, wanting to know how serious this may be, since he loves you very much and the phrase, "just not feeling good" is not enough information to satisfy the mans need for being able to process whether there is something they can do to help or help. Men like being asked to help. It's possible this was his intent. But it is easy for a teen to misinterpret why he asked, thinking he figures anything with a fever is worthy of going home early and anything else isn't, why else would he ask if I had a fever? See, the guessing or predicting the reason why he asked in the first place? You would have to promise to not jump to conclusions first but will ask for more information and you will need the parents to each be patient with you and explain when you ask for clarifications. Such a thing would look like this: Dad: his thoughts (assuming you were just feeling bad but had not gone to the nurse yet) So have you gone to the school nurse yet to have your temperature checked? You: your thoughts (what if this was cramps due to a bad period, I am too embarrassed to tell him that so he really shouldn't be asking if I have a fever, cus periods don't cause a fever. I think his question of qualifying whether I am sick enough to leave school early with fever is not fair. So you said, yes I went to see her and I had a temperature. (there, now I have given him the info he wanted to know to qualify me for going home early. That would be what the nurse should decide,, that's her job, to decide if you are sick enough to go home. The trick is learning to go through the proper channels. For you, this would mean, not leaving school, making the decision for the school nurse, bypassing her and deciding that you know best that you need to go home, is a way of skipping past a person, usually someone with the training or a position above you. An example in adult life is having an issue at work and instead of talking to your department manager, you never give him/her a chance and skip over them, maybe past their boss to complain to the owner of the company. This is fast way to get in trouble or offend people or make them angry and possibly in some cases, lose the job. So it is best to go through proper channels and let the nurse see you first next time. If your school rotates a nurse as was done in my local schools and she divided time between two or three schools, then a nurse may not always be available and if that is the case, your parents need to know that ahead of time, before you felt badly the next time that you can't always go see the nurse. YOu may also share with Mom that if you were hurting bad from period cramps, or bleeding too heavy for pads or tampons to hold for barely half an hour, those are reasons for a girl to go home and not have to share if embarrassed with a male member of the family or any male for that matter. I didn't get over fear of mentioning the word itself to a boyfriend until I was about 19. Guys are understanding and it doesn't bother them hearing it mentioned, they realize it is a part of life for girls. It just is a fact of life. So the problem is period would be more your lack of comfort level. I wouldn't force anyone to share such info with a Dad. I couldn't when I was a teen and I know many others feel the same. So if you ever call or have the nurse call, all he needs to know is that you are not feeling well. If there is a specific complaint you have, a splitting headache, you fell and sprained a wrist or ankle, something you can share specific about, then 'feeling bad' should be assumed by Dad in future to have the following apply, head cold, fever, period related issues or pain. If you had simply asked, "Dad, why do you ask me to get my temperature from the nurse? Not all reasons for not feeling well have a fever as a symptom." "Oh, you're right. Well, I was just worried how serious this is, and wondering if you can leave on your own or need to have the nurse excuse you from attending the rest of the day." "Oh, well, No I haven't seen the nurse and (if this applies)I don't have to see a nurse to leave early if I am not feeling well. Or if you don't but forgot or werent intending to see her, "Oh, thanks for mentioning that. I was feeling so bad, I didn't even think of seeing her yet. Do you want me or her to call you back?" Maybe Dad would believe the nurse, a health professional before you might believe anyone else who may be blowing a situation out of proportion. Teens don't do not much but little kids sure do. I remember telling people that the little snipping of skin to release an infection, I said was the Dr. cutting my whole finger off. I wouldn't even look at that hand for fear I might not see the finger there. Parents sometimes forget that they have a teen they can trust to not do such things. I hope this has helped some. Decide what it is you want to talk to your parents about this. A good start is to explain what you were thinking, letting Dad know exactly how you took what he said and your line of thinking regarding that, which led to the lie in the first place. You reassuring them you don't want to ever lie to them again is a good thing too. But remind them that at your age, you are still learning how to assert yourself in conversation and need to feel free and welcomed in asking them questions or for information you need to be comfortable in deciding what to say or do next. I think Mom will understand this best being female. Dad will just have to trust her that this is a reasonable request as it will prevent future situations where you panic and say a lie.
I can tell you right now that if you ask the parents for a private chat with them (if there are siblings) and you share this and make your request, they will see this as a very grown up thing you are doing. It shows them that you have learned from your mistake and that is what all humans role in life is, to learn from their mistakes or gain a conscience, to be able to recognize when they need to make some correcting moves. I am a parent and can tell you this speaks loudly to a parent, the fact that you want to talk about a plan to avoid having this happen in the future again. Until you are 25 or so, the pre frontal cortex in the brain is not mature. When not totally done growing until so much later, your judgements and actions will not always be the best and you make silly errors like this. I don't think you are a bad person hon. I can identify with you when I was that age. You are a good daughter and ultimately want to please the parents and make them proud of you and you couldn't live with the fact if they were no longer proud of you. So I remind my adult children all the time of why I am proud of them. I just did that with my daughter and son in law, seeing on how they communicate with a 19 month old child. They teach her to not start screaming if frustrated but to ask for help or what she needs. Tho not best pronounced yet, I understood her clearly.
dn
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You didn't feel good. Temp or not he would have probably came & got you. Not all sickness includes a fever. Just don't lie if it happens again. The nurse would have sent you home even if you had no fever.
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