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My family can’t accept the way I want to look
For a year know I have wanted a boys haircut! But my mom will never let me get one. She can’t accept that this is the way I want to look (more like a boy). How can I talk to her so that she will understand where I’m coming from, and let my get my hair cut. My mom isn’t very gentil and I feel she doesn’t care about my happiness. Help!
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She may think she cares about your happiness but not realize what she is doing is the opposite. So don't accuse her of this in case she doesn't realize it, that will only make things worse between you. I don't know if she is homophobic, or afraid of anything and anyone who is transgender, but I can see such a person having such fears for her own daughter if she's not okay with that all and daughter wanting a boys haircut. My husbands daughter is an adult and married and would have beautiful thick curly hair like her dad but once she hit puberty, she couldn't stand it anymore and wears her hair very short. So whether gay, transgender or hetero and simply liking short hair, there is nothing wrong with it. Generally, most women have mostly long to short hair but not like an inch or less all the way around. If that is what you mean, and currently have long hair, that may be too extreme for mom to get used to. If you are a teen, you may have to wait until you are 18 and an adult and can make this decision without any fear of what the parents will do. If you are 18 or older, this is your choice and not Mom's business. I am a parent and one day when you are too you will understand that once your minor child becomes an adult, there are few to no books or classes training adults who were parents of minors for 18 years on how to transition to being the parent of an adult child, or heck even a teen in training to be an adult. This decision of how to cut or wear your hair is one such thing a parent can give you the choice to make where no matter the outcome, its not a big deal as you can always grow it out later. I had an young adult daughter who told me she wanted to get her eyebrows pierced. I told her I didn't mind if she did. I would support her and love her no matter what. However I shared some advice, situations she wasn't looking ahead to outcomes about. She was searching for work and if an employer told her they wouldn't hire her due to the piercings, then she may lose out on a good job. Thats exactly what happened. SHe got the piercings, interviewed with Victorias Secret and they said if she got rid of the piercings, then they'd hire her because her personality was exactly what they were looking for. So she spent money that was wasted because she took the job.
I am sad to say that most parents will not stop to listen to any reasoning from their children. Its a superiority complex. I did pretty well, maybe only 1 time out of 10, not listening at first to my child trying to explain, at any age, young or teen. Of course I apologized when I realized I had acted superior. A hair cut is such a little thing. It is not something a parent should even make a big deal of. So you have an aunt or grandma who is more open minded and close to you? If you do, it is a good thing to tell this person what is going on and to pave the way for you with Mom. A parent will receive the same info from an adult but not from their child. I guess its because we think we know better and having someone challenge what we say, makes us look bad, a human fault dear, but no one likes to feel like they are wrong or being chastised for their decision. And even if that isn't your purpose, to make your Mom feel bad, she will feel that because her own distorted thoughts would cause her to feel this way and at that point, it is an angry no to you. If you have no one, not even a Dad to talk to her on your behalf, then you will have to say something. Remind her that you are the good daughter and student in all ways, working hard at grades, doing everything else she asks of you. That there are girls your age who totally defy their parents on everything, playing hooky from school, going to keggers, having sex with a boyfriend, and on. Of course use examples that you do not currently do. And if you are going against Mom on some things, you may want to reconsider because being grounded indefinitely is not fun. You show her pictures in magazines of what you are talking about, just in case her idea of short is different from what your idea of short is. If she says the photo of what you want is too extreme, you might try to settle for a compromise, shorter than it is now but longer than you wanted it, something she'd be okay with to some extent. This gives she the chance to get used to you with hair shorter than it normally is without the extreme at first. I don't know how fast your hair grows out but in a couple months you could go get the hair cut a little shorter and keep doing this over a period of time. She may still come unglued at some point or given the chance to get used to it slowly, she may have no reaction at all. Of course, if you are too chicken for this and need a scapegoat for the shorter cut, then you might have to wait til your not so short cut grew out to the point it truly needs a trim and then go to a hair stylist shop that she doesn't, tell them what you want and get your short cut. When Mom sees you and is shocked, you then tell her that you asked only for a trim but the lady kept cutting away. Except for one person, every hair cutter I'd ever been to cut my hair too short, its like they go scissor happy and pretend to hear what you want but then decide on their own whats best for you. They cut 10 inches of hair off my husband who only wanted 2 or 3 inches of dead ends and such trimmed off to look nice for a daughters wedding. The lady took off all of it except an inch all around. It was not at all what he wanted. You say Mom would never let you get short hair. But I can't be sure you have even asked and had this idea shot down.So if you haven't said anything yet, let her know what you are thinking and show her examples of what you are talking about. If its too extreme for her, then go for a compromise for a while, without letting on that you will cut in shorter later. I was open minded so when one daughter wanted the ends of her long hair dyed a bright lime green as we saw a female in a band have her hair except the ends were neon pink, I had to agree it did look very eye catching, but it wasn't something I would do with my hair, however if the daughter wanted to try it, it's not permanent like a tattoo so for self expression, it was harmless. SHe wore her hair that way for 2 or 3 years before cutting off what was left of the dyed ends she had redyed a few times. Not every Mom is as easy but hopefully even a talk about it not being something permanent like a tattoo will help.
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