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How do I start a friendship with a girl 9 years older than me
18/F
So I recently started working at this shop. There are 5 other people that work there (different shifts) and I'm the youngest. I've worked a few times with the one girl (27 years old) and I didn't really like her that much because she was rude to my other friend that works there. Over the past few days of working together she's become better and I've been talking to her but yesterday she had a panic attack at work because she saw this guy and she ended up telling me he raped her when she was younger. I had gone through sexual abuse for 4 years so apart of me felt like we related a lot and now I really want to be friends with her. How do I start a friendship with her since she's 9 years older than me? I know for her she might not want to be friends because of the age difference. She talks to me a lot at work. I messaged her yesterday saying she can talk to me about it if she ever needs to and she said thanks and left it at that.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Your age isn't really going to matter as you're old enough to work so just keep having conversations with her regularly and a friendship between you both will likely happen on it's own. One day once you're both comfortable with each other you could ask if she wants to hangout with you outside of work
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she being 9 years older than you at 27 makes you at least 18 and a true adult. At this point in your life age is but a number and does not have the same meaning in any type of relationship then when you were an adolescent.
What I'm saying to you is forget the age difference as it is meaningless as you are both adults. Approach her as you would anyone closer to your age for friendship. Ask her to coffee after work or just come out and ask her for a date. If she wants to be more than friends she will accept your date. IF not she will tell you what relationship she may want to have.
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You need to decide what kind of attraction it is you have to her first. Is this simply wanting to be friends at work only, friends away from work as well, Hoping to start with friendship and work up to dating, having a need to have more friends and looking for anything you think might help bring you together as friends?
If the latter, a warning to not trick yourself into believing simply having something traumatic in common in your past will make for a great friend let alone more. I have a past of abuse from ex husband. I have met many women who have the same in common with me. Am I friends with them. No, because other than that event, I have nothing else in common with them.
Since she is older, perhaps you ask because you assume a person won't want to be work friends just because of age difference. No matter where I have worked my entire life, I have seen coworkers be at least friends at work no matter what their age. I have had young people my childrens ages tell me Thanks for treating them as an adult instead of thinking of them or acting towards them as if they were children. When I was first working at your age, most the coworkers were older than me by a de cade if not my parents age. Yet those who had some things in common became friends. The last job I worked was PT at a fast food place where all the shift managers were around my childrens age and some just out of HS. I became good friends with those who treated me as a friend in return and as a result, two of the girls began to feel like extra adult children of mine. If a work friend is all you truly want, then be a friend to get her as a friend. Offering to listen to her talk about a bad event is a step but most people will not share something so personal with just an acquaintence. They need to have an established trusting friendship before opening up. I am guessing you would feel the same, unless for some reason, you like to wear your past abuse as a medal and tell everyone you meet about it. Think of what you talk to others about. Work related is the perfect excuse for a conversation topic starter. Since she is not yet into her 30s, she may not be receptive to being a friend with someone younger. I do see that at times but it is possible. Give it a month or so of being friendly and including her when you are talking to others, not always singling just her out. If she remains cool towards you as far as friendship, then you will know she is one of the few who don't like associating with anyone not near her age.
On the other hand, if you have a secret desire and interest in older women, no matter how much older, and the interest being sexual, well, you may have to look at woman a bit older to find someone interested no matter your age. My 2nd husband told me when he worked as a busboy at a restaurant as an 18 yr old and older, that he had female customers hitting on him who were at least 15 to 20 years older if not a bit more at times. They did not want to remarry for whatever reason but wanted a young stud for sex. These are the women to go life long with and have kids with but it was a good way for him to get experience with older women who had a mature out look. If this is the case for you and your interest is more along the lines of hoping the friendship could develop into more, I must remind you that interested older women make the first move, unlike females her age who mostly still wait for the guy to make the first move. However, if you do become good friends and can coax her to spend time as friends away from work, then at some point you say, "Since we are doing so well as friend, it makes me wonder if we would do just as great if we tried to be more than friends. What do you think?
Phrasing it that way if this is the case for you, works great because it is about an idea in your head, not stating it as being a fact of having feelings already which scares people away if they do not feel the same. Then asking what she thinks, gives her a chance to agree to try or if she doesn't feel that kind of chemistry, she will either state that or say, no it wouldn't work, at which point you have to choose to just be friends without pressuring her.
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