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humorist-workshop
Lonely
I have a week off of work next week for Christmas. At first I was really excited since I just moved to a new neighborhood and can’t wait to explore it but now I all of the sudden feel nervous. I’m nervous about being lonely. I’ve been feeling very lonely lately and wanting to spend time with people I love, who don’t have time for me. My best friend never has time for me. The man I’m in love with never has time for me. My mom never has time for me. All my other close friends live a long distance away. Yeah I could try and make friends but that’s hard, and it doesn’t make me feel that feeling I want to feel. That feeling of being in the presence of people who understand you, who you trust, and who you can relax with because you know them so well and you know you can be yourself and you just love them. It’s different from hanging out with a person you don’t know very well, which often makes me feel MORE lonely. I guess I’ll be spending yet another bunch of days all alone. Any tips for making the most of alone time? I honestly feel like I’m an expert at this at this point, but how do I get around the self-pity and all overall loneliness?
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I know that Christmas can be depressing for some people because it is equated with spending time with and celebrating with those you love and who love you in return, basically family and friends.
However from your choice of words, I am getting a picture of you being an introvert, maybe some social anxiety so trouble making new friends. I also wonder if your world is more about how you feel rather than worrying about how others feel. My husband and I are spending Christmas day at a church kitchen cooking for the homeless and poor. It's the first time doing this and it doesn't bother us that it is not the traditional Christmas that most people are experiencing. We are homeless ourselves and money tight so instead of buying gifts as our way to focus on others rather than think of ourselves, we are giving of our times and services.
Being excited about being in a new neighborhood and wanting to explore it makes sense but what does not make sense is flipping to feeling nervous about it. Then nervous or anxious may be the word and worried you might end up lonely. I am no Psychologist but have read enough self help books so I can better share help with others. All I can say is that any psychologist reading this might believe that your feelings of anticipating what will happen and believing ahead of time that it will be bad, ending in loneliness is something called 'fortune telling' by professionals and it is not normal. A person broods over their distorted thoughts, thinking out whole scenerios of how something that hasn't happened yet will turn out. Maybe you did have a Christmas where no one got a chance to see you as they were too busy. That doesn't mean it will happen every Christmas. If it does, a healthier way to think would be to not focus on what you are lacking in your life but to focus on those less fortunate than you. I know a woman who told me yesterday that she had a tent she no longer used and noticed a homeless man and spoke to him asking if he'd like to have a tent, he said yes and she brought it to him the next day and her heart was filled with joy to hear him excitedly exclaim, "Oh my gosh, I have a home for Christmas, I have a home!" I am not saying there's anything wrong with thinking of yourself and wanting things for yourself. If you don't have health care, get your hands on some self help psychology books. I can recommend anything by Dr. David D. Burns. He now trains other psychologists and writes for the average person to improve their thinking. It would be best for you to see a professional who can spend enough time with you to discover what exactly needs tweaking in your thinking. Most all peoples problems start with faulty thinking and believe me, most people all do this at some point or another, even me. The thing is, lots of us are good at catching ourselves thinking something negative or distorted and catch ourselves and tell ourselves we are not going to think that and verbally replace that thought with some kind of positive thought. So it is normal for this to happen. However if a person focus's only on negative thoughts all the time, nothing good or happy to think about or focus the mind on doing, then a person can become depressed and it sounds like you may be.
You did say the man you are in love with never has time for you. You did not say that you were in a relationship with him and that he loved you in return. For all I know, you may be just crushing on a male friend who has no idea of how you feel. He may not feel romantic chemistry for you, but if he does, there's no way to know unless you approach the guy and ask, "We do great as friends, so I was wondering how we'd do as more than friends. What do you think?" You can't expect a man who may not realize you exist,and have feelings for him, to read your mind and just know this if this is the case for you. I am watching your choice of words. You did not say My boyfriend or my fiancee or my husband.
So all I can say is spend your time focusing on what you can do for others, get in to see a doctor or start reading books if you can't. However if you feel suicidal due to your depression if that is whats going on, then you need to call the Suicide hotline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
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