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I didn't hang with my bff and shes mad!
My best friend is super mad at me almost all the time! Today was my anniversary with my boyfriend. She and I normally hang out every Wednesday, but i want 2 spend my anniversary with my bf! But now shes mad and upset and offended! Help! What do I say or do?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I know it's going to sound crazy to put it like this, but when I was in middle school I had a boyfriend. My friends didn't like him and eventually, my best friend who I had known for years told me that I had to pick between being friends with her and dating him. So I told her I wouldn't choose, and she then quit being my friend.
It hurt. It hurt so bad, I was just trying to keep the peace. A year or two later that guy and I broke up and I realized how right she was. However, I also wouldn't have wanted to keep a friend that didn't accept my choices.
My point with this story is: is she really your friend if she doesn't accept who you are with or what you do with your time? Most friends should understand changing plans occasionally.
On the other hand, try to explain to her how you feel: Your anniversary is important to you, and it is only that one day. Her friendship is also important to you and you didn't mean to make it seem like you were blowing her off. If she doesn't understand that that is her problem.
Best of luck
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Let me guess . . . she doesn't have a boyfriend. If she did, she might understand better how you feel and actually be supportive instead. If she does have a boyfriend and is acting like this, it may be a fear of losing you as her friend while not thinking that her having a boyfriend might make you feel similar. Whether still in HS or college age, young people who haven't reached at least their mid twenties if not later, will have difficulty reasoning things out better, making good decisions and not treating others in a bad manner. The issue is the pre frontal cortex of the brain is still growing and won't be at adult state until mid 20s or later. So if you fall into that age bracket, this not fully complete brain for reasoning with could be contributing to why she is acting like this. If she isn't normally selfish like this, then she's simply scared of losing you. Yes, things will eventually change some. YOu and shse will both at some point marry and have kids and that alone changes dynamics where your family gets your time first and she falls from top position on the totem pole to position number 2 or 3. Realistically, she can't remain at top position in level of importance to you unless you both are lesbians, in love and will marry each other someday. I know that isn't the case as you have a boyfriend. So talk to her and reassure her the best you can and bring up the fear of losing you. Change is also fearful to people so the change of you having someone else besides her who is important to you comes with getting older and moving on with your life. Remind her she will do something the same or similar later too. If she won;t answer your attempt at contact, write a letter and sent it via email or text but have a duplicate written out in case she nevers reads the others. Give her time to cool off and come to her senses. I had family members get upset with me over stupid stuff like this, not the same but things that they simply had distorted thoughts and thus distorted feelings on. It happened with my dad and sis at one point and another with my Mom. It lasted months to nearly a year in one case. I gave them their time. Some people sure can hold grudges but eventually, since I kept the bridge open mentally with no decision to turn my back and give up on the relationships, eventually they came around and began being themselves around me, except that not one of the the three family members ever apologized. People find it hard to apologize for something stupid they did where they finally realize it was petty stuff on their part. So if she doesn't respond and goes silent on you, keep trying occasionally to invite her to spend time with you. One of these times, she will get over her misplaced hurt emotions and open up to being your friend again but she may never bring up the subject. Be the bigger person and let that slide by. After all, the friendship in the end is more precious than hearing the two words, "I'm sorry".
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