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I feel like my nana prefers my cousins over me.
I am an 18 year old girl. I feel like my nana prefers my cousins over me. I recently got a new job in my local council and a few months later my cousin who is the same age as me got a job in mcdonalds. My nana posted a facebook status congratulating him for getting a job but didn't do the same for me. Am I being selfish? Everytime I see my nana I feel like she prefers my cousins than me because she spends more time with them and never praises me for anything. I just feel like she hates me
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I am the only boy in my family and I was the apple of my grandfathers eye because of this fact. Did he love my sister or two cousins any less? I don't think so but many years later my sister confessed she felt left out just as you are saying now.
There is probably more to this story then you are telling or may even know about but I doubt your Nana hates you. You're an adult know so I suggest that you sit down with Nana and ask her straight outwhy she favors your cousin over you. I'm certain she will tell you that is not true.
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I can see how the situation would make you jump to such a conclusion. HOwever, there must be something going on that you are not aware of. I heard a story recently of a young adult whose grandfather seemed to pay her more attention than her own siblings and cousins. He volunteered the information that she most reminded him of his late wife when she was young, in personality and looks so of course he prefered spending time with her as it helped him feel closed to some of his best memories. I am sure her siblings and cousins felt as you do. Grandparents don't usually love one grandchild and hate another. They have lived longer and are not as prone to be led about by their emotions or jump to conclusions as the younger of us do. Its good to hear your Nana uses facebook. However its best not to rely on this as a true representation of what she is thinking or how she feels. Perhaps her memory isn't as trusty as it used to be and though she knows about you, she forgot to post. However you seem to feel its not just this one event but many that make you feel she seems to prefer a cousin or all of them. I can't believe all of them remind her of someone from her past, maybe one. So I hope you are not exaggerating which I have done too when younger and really upset. It's a human response to make things sound worse to actually recieve more pity. However receiving a solution is better than any pity or condolences people might send your way.
I think it might be best if you actually call Nana regularly and have an old fashioned phone call with her. Even though she is using the computer to keep in touch, this new technology is pretty new in her life as it is in mine as it wasn't around when I was a kid, not until after I married. So make her feel special by calling her, by phone, not texting, but letting her hear your voice. I don't know if you've done any of what I will say as you only complained of how you feel, but you have to own your own feelings. No one can really make or force you to feel a certain way, it is how you take in and react to outside circumstances and situations that guide your thoughts a certain way and then your emotions follow, either happy ones, sad, mad or disappointed. I assume you drive due to your age. Why not plan a time alone with Nana to take her to lunch. Don't come out and tell her you feel she likes the cousins better than you. Spend time with her and try to build a closer relationship simply by spending more individual time with her rather than in a bigger family gathering. I used to be more shy, quiet and with social anxiety, though it didn't affect relationship with any relatives, it did in making friends. I know the more outgoing, boisterous people are going to garner more of others attention, so while it may seem shes ignoring you, she is only having her attention drawn to the certain ones who by their very make up in personality, stand out to her. It may be an overlook on her part and she is not aware of it, nor does she mean to pass you over or not acknowledge you. I am a Mom and even with children, the ones that tugged on my clothes, got in my face or cried or yelled the loudest got more of my attention at that moment in time, but not always. It may be something like this. I have heard from kids who felt ignored by their own parents simply because they were too quiet and nothing in their expression or demeanor gave any clue to a parent that they felt as they did. I know I did this as a kid. I thought somehow that surely the parents could read my mind and know how I felt. The truth is some of us are so good at acting like everything is okay that others have no clue. That happened to me when my oldest daughter became depressed as a teen and I had no clue though I gave individual time daily to each child, taking time to connect and find out what was on their minds. And I was the Mom they could confide in about anything, even sex and boys and nothing would make me freak out, just give them the best guidance I could through whatever it was. This daughter knew it and told me everything else that bothered her at times, except this one thing.
So I am telling you there is a chance your Nana has no idea. You don't want to instantly hurt her feelling telling her you feel ignored. Try to fish for information first and see how it goes. If nothing improves, then bring up any facts that will clearly prove your point. And if you have to share these facts, write them down and share them in a calm voice, without anger. She will pick up the emotions easier than the words you are saying so tell yourself, you are only taking the time to teach Nana about something she may not be aware of if it comes to this.
Now heres what I suggest. Go visit her only when she can't be distracted by the more extroverted cousins. First ask about her, how she's doing. Then mention you saw her post about your cousin getting the job at Mc Donalds and how that is a wonderful thing. Then act as if this is news she hasn't heard before. 'Hey did you know I got a job too?" Wait to see if she does know or not. Maybe her memory is faulty. If so, pretend this is the first time telling her. Then tell her about it. She may not post it but now she knows. Talk about other stuff, maybe from your life. Then after a while sneak in this question. "Hey I had a strange question pop into my mind. I was wondering if any of your grandchildren, me included, remind you of yourself when you were young or someone you used to know? If she asks why, you say, I don't know, just an odd thought that came to me. Then listen to what she says because it may reveal some things to you. It may not. But she may be reminded of a sister who has passed on or a cousin is exactly like her best friend when they were kids, or her own Mom. You never know. Maybe no one reminds her of anyone. After your visit, make sure to call her regularly. If you are the type who likes to write or cronical things, then spend time asking about her life and to tell stories of what her childhood was like. Older people have clearer memories of the past than recent events. I don't know why but it is happening to me too. YOu can listen and write it all down or record her telling her stories over time. When you pay her attention, she will react as most humans do, the person they feel is the most interesting to talk to is the one who asks them about theirselves and is a good listener. Its true hon. Do what you can to spend time with her as you don't know how long you will have her around. As you spend time with her, on the phone and sometimes in person if possible, share any events from your life that are significant to you. Like maybe a successful date, a new friend you've made, a new hobby you just took up, etc. See if she remembers any of this. Just ask next time, Hey Nana, do you remember what I shared with you last time? And see if she does. Ask her if its just short term memory issues as she's getting older? It may simply be that. But I think all this may help because that saying "To make a friend, be a friend first" is pretty true. Someone has to make the first move and most people wont for some reason or another. So start spending the time befriending Nana and see what happens. If there are still issues, you may write me again in the future. Just remind me of your situation so I remember you and let me know how its going and perhaps there is something else I can share to see if we can help things go better. Blesssings to you dear.
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