|
Any advice on being more social for someone who is shy?
So every school year in my university career has been lonely and I’ve had enough of it. I say this every year but this year I really want to change it. I’ve wanted to join clubs but with people I know so I’m not alone when I go to an event. but I realized if I wait for other people I’ll never get anything done. For example my cousin was supposed to transfer to my school this year so we could join a cultural club (my culture) together but she ended up staying another year at her school. So this year I want to join it with or without her but I’m really scared. Yes the club is my culture but there’s a lot of international students at the club who were actually born in that country. The only relation I have to that country is that my parents are from there. So I don’t want to be the odd one out that yeah we have the same culture but we are socially different. Any tips? I’ve been pushing myself out of my comfort zone since last year, last year I got my first official job, this summer I joined a volunteering club at my school where I have to talk to people at almost every event I do. I also started driving I’ve always wanted to drive but now that I’m on the road I get super anxious but I just have to deal with it. Now I want to join social clubs at my school but my anxiety isn’t allowing me to go by myself please help
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Hey that club sounds great!!
FIRST, take a minute, and download Stories Blog, by Memoirs blog. I write a blog about Anxiety, called Anxiety 101. As you start out your journey to self discovery and figuring out what helps your anxiety, start blogging on that phone app about when you're feeling anxious. It's completely anonymous, which is awesome!
It's one of my FAVORITE tools to help me with anxiety.
Here are a few music links that I ALSO use for anxiety. ALSO SLEEP!!!
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Chances are, you're ALWAYS going to have anxiety. I myself chose not to medicate myself, because I was medicated my entire life. It just turned me into a zombie. So FOR ME SPECIFICALLY, I look to other things, more natural things.
Being shy, it's actually really easy to get out of. It
's SOLELY your mindset. It sounds like you have a pretty crappy mindset towards people in general. And I get it, people suck. But here's what I've learned.
Just talk. There are TWO ways the response can go.
ONE: They're ignore you.
TWO: They wanted to talk JUST as badly, so they talk to you.
Try to pick up on social cues. Look that up. Social cues.
Ultimately, talk about your interests, music is ALWAYS a good topic. Just speak from YOUR mind/heart.
The best people will like what you have to say/offer. But not everyone will. It's okay. Those people are meant for someone else.
All my best,
Mary
]
I've been there. Was like that all childhood until I graduated HS. I knew it would affect how successful I was in the adult world and like you got sick and tired of being that way. Thats what has to happen for you to be ready to be healed of this. It's called social anxiety today. But you don't need anxiety meds for it. I prayed and asked God what to do and what I was told mirrored what I read 2 decaded later in a book by a psychologist turned trainer and author. SO this stuff is legit. Go at your own pace. Your idea of plunging in instead of avoiding are correct but done your way, is only going to stress you out more so at your first issue or problem, you can end up right back at square one.
I will paste in a document I have saved on this very issue and hope it helps you. Even going at your own pace, it shouldnt take long if you really apply yourself. In a month I was much better and after two months, totally healed. But first I want to say about a cultural club, that if you carry blood of that culture but are not born there or having lived there any length of time, then you still belong there and no one can say you don't. You have to realize when you are fortune telling on yourself, predicting how others are going to treat you. Some call it over thinking. What a psychologist will call it is distorted thinking, thoughts that are skewed and not totally sound as there is no proof to qualify your feeling that way. Yes, they may know more about the culture having lived there. As long as you don't feel bad about not knowing and eager to learn, it can be a good thing for you and for those having a chance to share with you.
Overcome Shyness/Social Anxiety
I used to be so shy I wouldn't get up to use the pencil sharpener in grade school because I didn't want the other kids to stare at me. I refused to do book reports for fear of speaking in front of the class. So my grades would suffer. In contrast, my dad was a very friendly extroverted person and always bringing home new friends he had made. Us kids liked it cus these “uncles” would bring candy for us and many had accents from around the world with lots of interesting stories too.
It took until I was about 17 before I decided I was sick and tired of being so anxious socially. I didn't have the guts to just switch behaviour and start talking. Strange how I never thought to talk to my dad about that and get help from him. So I prayed and asked God for help (He knows each of us better than anyone ) and here's the answers I got. It sure helped me and I know it will help you. You can skip any steps you already have mastered. (I more recently read of the same way to overcome this in a book by a psychologist so it's not like trusting me that God said this but its what psychologists understand too))
None of this involves using people you already know because you already have some comfort level there For this exercise, you will have to drop the teaching, “Never talk to strangers”. Just use common sense and talk to people in public places where other people are around and don't go off alone with anyone. So here's your lesson.
1. Smile at strangers every day as you come across them. When you are comfortable with this, move on to step 2
2. Smile and add saying hello to people you don't know. This is already harder because your mind will be going, "They're gonna think I'm nuts cus I am saying hi and they dont even know me." When you can do this without feeling awkward or shy, move to step 3
3. Smile and say hi to and then pay a compliment to another person you don't know. It could be telling the grocery clerk you love her necklace. Keep paying compliments to people until you can do so without being fearful of their reaction or simply the act of doing it.
4. Smile, say Hi, and start a conversation with a stranger. Here's an example. When I'd be at a clothing rack and another woman was there...no matter her age, I would make a comment to her about the clothing. I'd pull something off the rack and ask what she thinks of it for me.
Keep trying statements with a question to get responses from a person. If they don't open up and start responding and sharing some of their story or thoughts then they are part of the 10 % of people who are hermit like and don't like being around people or talking to them. I took a class that taught about personality types and discovered that 90% of people are very friendly but will not start conversation first. If you can learn to start conversation first, in every situation, you will find that the majority of people respond in a very friendly and supportive way. They won't find the fact that you start talking too weird. Once they figure you're a naturally friendly person you will see them willingly respond back and share bits and pieces of information and such.
I was trying to pick ripe but not over ripe melon one time when an older woman was tapping and listening to the melons. I asked what she was doing and she explained that there is a certain sound it makes when ripe so I learned something. Later we bump into each other in another aisle, and I say, "Well Hello again!" Her response, "Hello again. Do you use coupons?" "Sometimes." "Do you buy this product," she shows me something in her cart, "Yes I do." "Well I happen to have a coupon for a great deal on it if you'd like," and without waiting for my response reaches into pocket and hands it to me. You'd be amazed at the conversation you could have with people and be able to share helpful info with them or vice versa. And sometimes in the conversing you may find people who you have some things in common with and you decide to keep in touch with and exchange cell numbers and /or get their name for facebook friending. Once you are comfortable with talking to one person, then its a small matter to talk to groups of people.
This should help you.
]
More Questions: |