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My sister says I stole her friend...
My sister and I do not have the best relationship. Actually, it's awful. We were pretty close as little kids (she's two years younger) but that ended when I was 8 or 9. Im 19 now. I narrowed down the decline in our relationship to her taking my things when she was probably about 5. My mom told me it was because she wanted to be like me, try to have patience. Except it never stopped. She stole things from me up until I moved out of our parents' home last year. So as expected, our relationship is strained.
*side note, she's a bit behind for her age. She's almost 18, but acts like she's 14 or 15. Also manipulative. Can't tell the truth to save her life.
About a week ago, my parents had a BBQ, and my sister was allowed to invite friends. I was actually getting along with my sister really well, and she let me hang out with all of them. We had a great time. I was really hitting it off with one friend in particular, who is just two months older than I am, and i made a point of asking my sister that night, while we were all together, if it was okay if I hung out with them. She was probably reluctant, but said it was cool. Turns out, she's very much not okay with it. I don't necessarily blame her. I HATED when i had friends over and she struck up conversation with them. I'd stare her down, just generally be a bitch because I didn't want to share my friends with her. Now it's flipped, and she doesnt want me to hang out with this friend. She said until the BBQ, she hadn't seen said person in a year and a half. They would promise to hang out, and then "forget," bail on her, whatever. That, I don't condone. Ive had people do that to me. But this person and I genuinely get along, and they ask me to hang out.
What am I supposed to do? I feel guilty, but I'm not sure if Ive even done anything to feel guilty about.. I don't know how to resolve the situation. I asked my best friend for advice, and all she said was that I shouldnt hang out with her friend, "family first." My best friend is in Mississippi until January, she's been gone for 9 months. I have no other friends. I didn't start this friendship out of spite, and I dont want to end it soley because my sister is mad. What should I do???
Thanks in advance.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
You already know what you're going to do. And you probably know what the outcome of either decision will be. Just do it. Your sister will understand. Or, don't do that, and put your sister before that friend.
Really and truly, you know what's right and wrong FOR YOU. Do what you gotta do my friend.
If anything, just ask your sister....that is what she is there for.
All my best,
Mary
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My opinion is that this is not about stealing a friend because according to what sis admitted, this person was never really a friend to her. This is all about her not looking up to you anymore but making everything a competition or a fight. I know she is family but you don't get to choose the people you end up with as family members. Sometimes they are as mature and pleasant as you are, including parents, and sometimes they are not. Your life isn't about forgetting about what's best for you and doing only what's best for your sister unless you are her caregiver. I worked for a while with mentally disabled adults as a caregiver. What if your sister wasn't just a bit behind socially, and instead was never going to grow up into an adult and remain like this forever. She is not going to be able to function as in adult and it is not your job to work with her and her distorted thoughts and beliefs and her animosity towards you. That is something for a professional to work with her and it may not have been caught yet that she needs counseling but if not a psychologist, she may benefit from a life coach who can teach her what the real life principles are that are needed to have a happy productive life. Don't feel guilty, you are not her parent or therapist, just a sister. Enjoy the new friend and don't even think about it. If she chooses to continue to carry hatred against you, you might suggest to the parents that they see about getting her evaluated to make sure there isn't something mentally that wasn't caught yet because its not a matter of hormones that all teen girls find messes with their emotions at puberty and through the teen years. She's 17 and that should not be the issue. The hatred you mentioned was from around age 5 on. So something is a bit wrong with her. If she isn't seen or evaluated, while still a minor, the parents insurance most likely won't cover her unless she becomes a college student and that sounds likes its too much for her if she is behind socially by a handful of years. She would end up living the rest of her life with the parents supporting her and not getting much needed treatment so she can not improve. As you see, it is something for your parents to deal with, not you.
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To me the answer is quite simple; you sister is being a baby about this. This friend is not really her friend if they haven't seen each other in a year and a half. They make plans together and then this friend bails on her. I don't see a friendship here.
My advice enjoy the friendship for as long as it last just be aware that she mail bail on you if someone better comes a long.
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