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Bulimic friend
14 year old male. I was in a gender nuetral bathroom at school, and I heard vomitting from another stall. I stuck around to see if that person needed any help, and out came a female friend of mine of the same age. She didn't look like she had the stomach bug and kind of panicked when she saw me. After some questioning, I realized she was making herself puke and has been doing this for a month without anyone noticing, and begged me not to tell. I told her what she is doing is bad and she could really hurt herself, and she got all angry and defensive.
I told the guidance counselor at my High school, and now she's getting a doctor for it and everything. The thing is, she's been my close friend for a very long time and now she refuses to talk to me and literally screamed at me for telling. I did this because I know how dangerous these eating disorders can be, and that people die from them. If she ended up in the hospital and I could've stopped in beforehand, I would not forgive myself.
I really don't want to lose her friendship, and I'm wondering if I did the right thing. She's really upset. I just wanted to help. Do you guys think I'm right? How do I get her to see what she's doing is wrong?
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Don't worry because you did the right thing. At her age, she is not going to see the wisdom of this and that you did the right thing. Many young people tend to think they are invincible. They tend to believe it even when they hear the facts and statistics. IT comes with the age as I am sure you probably see in others of your age group.
There is no way to get her to stop being angry with you. Also, to see what she is doing is wrong. And because of that, since it is her own idea to get help, she may not apply herself and keep trying to do the wrong thing. Once she grows older and her mind has matured, maybe her way of thinking about things will mature. I am talking about a real life fact, that the pre frontal cortex of our brain is the last thing to grow to completion. OUr bodies mature before that part of our brain. So basically, the reality is that all of us cope with life with an underdeveloped brain until we reach our mid twenties. YEs, some people are more mature at a younger age but still, this part of the brain which covers how we treat others, and things like being able to see the consequences of any action we are considering taking before we actually do it, and other such things. This is what is behind teens having bad actions like sexting or driving drunk, etc where it all comes back to bite them eventually. Do your best to keep touch with her. She may not be ready to pick up the friendship with you until she gets over her anger or her cortex is completely done growing and she is seeing things in a different light. THis is why people did actions in HS that at my reunion they felt they had to ask me forgiveness for and I said thankyou but I didn't harbor any bad feelings. Who they are now isn't defined by what they did in the past and thats all that matters.
If she totally refuses to let you stay in touch with her, see if you can get a chance to talk to her parents, let them know you're the one who alerted the guidance counselor at school, tell them she is angry you didn't keep this secret and you want to remain friends. She is refusing right now but You hope one day she realizes you did the right thing and is over being angry. YOu would like to be able to stay in touch with the parents so that if worst possible scenerio, she blocks you out of her life for the next few years or longer, that you would like to be able to hear from them when they feel she has had a turnaround and would be ready to hear from you again. They may or may not go for it. But if they do, you can make sure they have your contact info to pass on to her. As with any business, when someone asks for someones numbers, the rule is the number or contact info of that person can't be given out but you can take down the inquirers info and pass it on to the person they asked about with a verbal message. Thats the best you can hope for if she doesnt get over being mad in a few months or a few years. Anyone who made me angry when I was that age, I can now tell the stories and actually laugh at myself and my reaction and usually get others to laugh with me cus more than likely they can relate to something similar when they were that age.
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